The Nebiverse...and Her Little Satellites

A Thanksgiving Post

2011-12-01T10:13:00.003-05:00

Christmas began last Friday, the day before my son's memorial service. We were so occupied during the weekend that its arrival didn't really register until we were driving home from the graveside service on Monday. It was then that I noticed Christmas music on the radio, decorations on buildings, and later on, the inevitable rush of "super deals!!" into my inbox. I read, as from a distance, the status updates of friends who described decorating the tree and standing in long lines at midnight to score great bargains. It didn't make me sad or angry, but I had just a flash of the odd sensation of being a premature baby, hypersensitive to the overstimulation of an environment that I wasn't ready for just yet. It was all a bit surreal.

My breakfast bar is covered with flowers right now, bouquets in the palette of fall colors- purple, orange, yellow, crimson, brown. Bethany asked me many times, what kind of flowers did I want? And at the time it seemed just right- it matched the girls' cute pumpkin patch dresses, the mild warmth and sunshine of the last days of fall. The overwhelming feeling in my heart of Thankfulness. Perhaps I forgot how quickly and suddenly Thanksgiving is over, yielding way to CHRISTMAS, that season when we struggle to cling to Advent and wrestle with the demons of our flesh, our materialism. I've been struggling the last couple of days with the urge to yell to the world, "Stop! I need more time for Thanksgiving this year." These flowers on my breakfast bar? They have a few days of life left. It isn't time yet for green and red and shopping and parties and presents. In my mind and my heart, it's still Thanksgiving.

And that's what this post is about. It's December 1st and I know that soon, the time of transition is here. There are a few things I need to say before I can move on.

I'm more thankful- and thankful for more-this year, than ever before. I'm thankful that my birthday fell on Thanksgiving this year because it seems all the more appropriate and special.

I'm thankful for Jesus. It all begins and ends with Him. Everything pales in comparison to Him. Through Him we live, and move, and have our being. He is the Meaning behind everything and the Reason for everything, our Joy and our Hope. Nothing is beyond Him. Nothing could stop His light from coming into the world, and the grave could not hold Him, not defeat Him, for He defeated death.

I'm thankful for the life of my son, Everett Zechariah. I'm thankful for the power of God to change my heart and open my eyes to His work. The morning after Everett was born, I woke up and struggled with grief and fear and cried out to God and asked, "Why, Lord? If You were going to take him, why couldn't we have lost him at 5 or 6 weeks, why couldn't he have slipped away in quiet invisibility, without going through this pain and struggle? What is the purpose of a baby born too soon, to suffer in the world for a day and then die?" and within just a few days of praying that, God gave me my answers. Who are we to even question His sovereignty, but in His MERCY and grace he revealed so many things to me. I came to see the opportunity to meet our son alive, not as a hardship, but as a gift. Not as a wound, but a blessing. I came to be thankful that he WASN'T born at home, that he did manage to get stabilized after birth, that he DID have a chance to live with every human effort possible provided for him. I came to see how the whole process of struggle, fear, worry, surrender, grief, tears, condolences, services, Worship- how they were a blessing to not just our family, but our extended family, our friends, our acquaintances, our coworkers, our neighbors, for so many people that we've never even met, and never will. How could a baby who lived 20 hours bring so much blessing to so many? It is the power of our God. It is His way. We would never choose this, but praise Him that He chooses for us. That He knows best.

I am thankful for God using this to soften my heart. A few months ago I wrote to our pastor Jorn in State College and I shared with him how much I was struggling with not doing the things that keep my mind happy- reading, writing, doing math- and with the intensity of mothering two little ones with one more on the way. "In my flesh, I'm miserable," I wrote to him. I'm thankful for God now giving me peace that He didn't take this baby because of that attitude I had and expressed. I'm thankful for God relieving me of the tendency to feel horribly, horribly guilty about what I said, for giving me sympathy for the Nancy Elizabeth of a few months ago who hadn't yet been transformed by the terrible beauty of loss. And I'm thankful, most of all, that that restlessness and discontent has been- at least temporarily- destroyed most thoroughly and naturally by what has happened. It's like I'm a whole different person. The whole world looks different, more shimmering, more ephemeral. I can see how beautiful my children are every day- their unruliness, their disobedience, their neediness is beautiful to me because I can see Life now. I am so very, very thankful for that life, that grace.

I am thankful for God using this to break through the bondage I've been in for so long, enslaved to the easy, empty things of this world. It's been YEARS now since I've been able to form a habit of reading my Bible every day. I couldn't pick a book, I kept saying. Now I'm reading Zechariah, and soon Isaiah, to find out what God Remembers...

I'm thankful for the tenderness of my husband. I'm thankful for the feel and sound of his warm tears over me as we each held hands with our son while he died. I'm thankful for the time we had to talk as we came home from the hospital. I'm thankful to think what God will be doing in his own heart, maybe new and different from what He's doing in mine.

I'm thankful for the beauty of my girls, of how precious they are to me. I'm thankful how they are children of this earth, inquisitive and bright-eyed and fiesty and joyous, with tousled hair and child-like tempers and hearts full of love for those around them. I'm thankful that their souls are still so carefully hidden away inside those little vessels, not burst open wide with blinding brightness like their little brother's soul. I'm thankful that God chose LIFE for them here with us, in all its terrible, glorious imperfections. I'm mourning the loss of their chance to be big sisters at this age, THIS time, but thankful to know that their Heavenly Father really does know what's best for them. I'm thankful that Charlotte is here to drink her brother's milk, that God has spared me the agony of empty arms that so many women know.

I'm thankful for Everett's grandparents and aunts and uncles. I'm so very, very thankful that my mom arrived in time to see him while he lived, because I knew that meant so much to her. I'm so thankful for the millions of "little," tangible things they've done for me in the past few weeks that have added up to an enormity- time to rest, to grieve, to write this post. I'm thankful for the feel of their hugs, the knowledge that I could call any of them at any time of the night or day just to talk.

I'm thankful for the dearest, old friends we have scattered near and far. I'm thankful for Bethany's best-friend grief, for her compassion and her willingness with Eric and Micah to come so far to BE here, despite the impracticality and hardness of the trip. I'm thankful for our church families in Atlanta, Bethlehem, State College, and Boulder, reaching across the miles with the warmth of their love and prayers. I'm thankful for the few we know who aren't believers who have been touched or moved by this in some way, thankful- and hoping- that they might see a glimpse of Christ in this.

I'm thankful for our new friends in Johnson City. For the people of Sojourn, for Bill and Lyndsey Jolley, who worked so hard and did so much to quickly organize and host the memorial service for Everett. Their hospitality and love were such a blessing. For Todd and Ginger Hare and the people of our Sunday morning Anglican church- I'm thankful that God sent Todd to the hospital at just the right moment, and thankful for the things he shared at the graveside service that came from his own experience of losing a baby. For all the people of Milligan College who don't know us very well yet, but still want to show their love. For Debbie Siebenaler, whose straightforward Midwestern cheeriness (and incredible servant's heart) were such welcome companions through this whole journey. For Susan Scheiman, who served our family so far above and beyond the meager compensation we gave her. For so many others- some we still haven't even met- who said, "Please call me. Please let us know any way we can help" in a way where I could tell they really meant it.

I'm thankful for the future we have. Thankful to no longer be in pain, no longer worried that every time I get up to mother my children or live my life, I could be hurting my baby. Thankful for an able body that can be used to serve others, and praying that I do not quickly let go of the lessons I've learned about serving and sharing and being poured out. Thankful for the opportunities we will have in the coming months to find new adventures with our girls and explore what God has for us as, for now, a family of four, missing Everett forever but honoring God in the lives he's given us now to be lived.

I'm thankful for faith. Never in my life have I been FORCED to have the kind of faith that I have now, the faith that Jesus is holding my baby in His arms. I'm so very, very thankful for God leading me to this point.

I'm thankful for the imperfections of this post, because if I weren't so painfully aware of them, I wouldn't realize, as C.S. Lewis said, that Joy is really longing for our home in Heaven. It's so wonderfully, gloriously Frustrating to not be home yet. Thank you Lord that someday, we'll BE there!

I'm thankful for Jesus. It all begins and ends with You, Lord. Thank you for coming to this earth. Thank you for giving Your life to save us. Thank you Heavenly Father that YOU did not spare your firstborn Son, but willingly gave His life because You loved US so much. Thank You Lord for knowing our pain, for You wept when Lazarus died, but You didn't only know it, You came to REDEEM it. Thank you for Advent, a season of waiting, waiting through the agony and the ecstasy of this world for the glorious sign of Your appearing, our redemption.

Thank you for Christmas, for I'm ready to welcome it now. :-)

Love, Neb

Hazy Dayz...

2010-01-06T09:36:00.002-05:00

Greetings, loving audience!

I have been in my typical post-travel, post-holidays mental coma the past few days (is today Wednesday...? Is it really?) and also quite sleepy much of the time (I will cut out refined sugar in 2010!! I WILL!! Just watch me do it! Right after I make this last batch of chocolate fudge...) and now that I am sitting here typing this, I really don't know what I was going to say to you all today...? If anything at all?

And immediately after typing that, my two-year-old spilled her glass of milk in an impressive fiasco that managed to splatter the carpet (a lot), the chair, the baby swing, the Christmas decorations box, the wall...

My ten goals for 2010 have been printed as one or two word versions in blue marker and hung on the wall!! And writing in this blog is one of my goals!! So I am TOTALLY on task, right?

Time to make more coffee.

Did Eudora Welty start this way? Shakespeare? With all this non-writing writing? Did James Joyce wake up every morning and type "Time to make more coffee" before eventually pounding out Finnegan's Wake? James Joyce never tandem nursed two children who never slept at the same time, did he???

Okay, in closing this little nothing of a post, let's vote on what my NEXT post should be, huh? Options:

1) Ten things I hate that everybody else seems to love
2) My ten favorite ways to save money
3) Ten foods that are actually GOOD for you that actually taste good, too!
4) Ten cute pictures/ videos of my kids
5) (your own suggestion here!)

Thanks guys!
Love, Neb

"I would give both of my hands to be a writer..."

2009-12-30T19:44:00.002-05:00

That was a line of the poem I wrote in college. (I only wrote one, as far as I can recall.) Are you appreciating that healthy dose of melodrama/ irony/ gut-wrenching self-revelation as much as I am? I recall being surprised when I wrote it. Wasn't I applying to grad school in math? What's this writing business about? Apparently my inner poet knew (how fitting, I suppose.)

And then the first time I met my new grad school friends at Lehigh, we were sitting around having dinner and talking about what we wanted to do with advanced degrees in math, and I said I wanted to be a writer. It just came out that way- despite my better judgment.

I haven't been blogging because to me, writing anything requires 1) unlimited time, and 2) peace and quiet. As a breastfeeding mom, I NEVER have unlimited time. The clock is always ticking until it's time to nurse someone again. Peace and quiet happens occasionally, though not for great stretches of time. And you know how my M.O. tends to be the "Perfect or Nothing" approach? Since the "perfect" opportunity to write in here doesn't come along very often, you've been getting a whole lot of the alternative the past few months. The past year, really. Ever since Madelaine learned to talk. But as my blogging rate has waned, I've gradually realized something interesting: I can live without doing Math. I can live without a lot of the things that are not part of my life now that I'm a mom.

But I can't live without Writing.

Without the outlet of writing, my mind atrophies. I feel like I live each day waiting for the day to be over, instead of actually LIVING that day. I would say that there's something wrong with this on a spiritual level, except that I believe in what Jorn preached about a few weeks ago- God created us with passions, and we are meant to be using them. So the TV is on, people are talking, I can't hear myself think, but I will write in spite of it. I will publish things on here that aren't "perfect" (whatever that means) or even GOOD, for that matter. Because the only way to ever write anything good is just to write a LOT, and eventually something good will come out.

Love,
Neb

On a roll!! (Does two days in a row count as a "roll"??)

2009-12-30T09:33:00.002-05:00

Yo, my people!! What is UP??? (I'm on my second cup of coffee. Hopefully that excuses that little outburstive greeting by my inner want-to-be-cool* 13 year old, who last spoke out in 1993.)

So I'm really liking this "goals" thing I started in the last post. Time to reorder it, expand the list, shrink the descriptions, and put it in a big bold font so I can look at it later. Also post it on my wall somewhere, I think.

In 2010, I hope to...

1) Have a regular Bible reading and prayer habit (in whatever way God leads me to do so.)

2) Teach Madelaine (and eventually Charlotte) about the Bible.

3) Limit the girls' TV time to 1 hr/day (plus evenings)/ plan a few activities each week, as needed.

4) Walk about 3 hours a week (treadmill or outdoors).

5) Read 25 books (make a list on Goodreads?)

6) Get some photos of my kids printed! and organized in albums.

7) Write in this blog at least once a week (that sounds more doable than every day, right?)

8) Go on a date with my husband at least twice a month.

9) Get a better system for storing recipes, planning meals, and sticking to a grocery budget.

10) Hmmm... need some kind of financial goal here. Would love to say "finish paying off student loan" but that's a WAY long shot (unless Nate ends up with a really high paying job for the second half of 2010.) How about, pay at least $300 on student loan each month, Jan- June? That's $1800, not bad. [This might get revised after I talk to Nate.]

There you have it! There's my list! I am super jazzed about this. And in closing, I will note that these 10 things are suggested because they are, very specifically, things that I am NOT doing now that I constantly am thinking that I WISH I were doing. There are a lot of other things going on in my life now that are not goals because I'm already doing them- church involvement, a ministry opportunity, [some] keeping in touch with faraway friends and family, math tutoring, some basic homemaking activities (cleaning, groceries, cooking, paying bills, laundry), and some activities with the girls (library, song time, playground, occasional playdates). I'm listing those things as a reminder to myself that even though I feel like I waste a lot of time, there ARE things that I accomplish each day, even if they tend to fall into the category of "urgent- not important." It's that "important- not urgent" category I've got to work on (don't we all?) which is what the above list is all about.

So what are YOUR goals for 2010?

Love you all!
Neb

*The correct [popularly, not grammatically, that is] term for this is "wannabe"? At least in 1993, it was.

The house is quiet now...

2009-12-29T21:07:00.003-05:00

and so I will open up this window and give it a shot.

Oh, gentle readers. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I miss writing in here. I've kind of been obsessed with it recently, to tell you the truth. But I am so tired all the time, and the babies always need me, and the prattle of their little voices overwhelms my internal processor. Virginia Woolf said something about needing a room of one's own, didn't she? (Have I talked about that on here before?) Life, as a whole, overwhelms me. But we've known that for awhile now. Let me try to focus now; in general, because I can't write Everything, I end up writing Nothing. But tonight, for you (which really means, for me) I will write Something.

Let's talk about some goals for 2010, shall we?

*It's time to start doing some Bible stories with Madelaine on a more regular basis. I have flannelgraph. I have curriculum. The reason I didn't start the curriculum a few months ago, when I found it, is that it does take some prep time (and just some time to sort through all the features and activities to pick out what components I actually want to do with her). But I want to start.

*I would love to be able to limit her TV time to an hour a day most days (ie, an hour of kids' programs during the day), plus whatever Nate wants to watch at night. To do this, I think I need to plan a few activities each week that we can do together- simple crafts, etc. Certainly we can spend a lot of time just playing with her toys, but she does get bored once in a while, and that's when we're both tempted to take the easy way out (TV).

*I have a little treadmill now!!!!! Got it on Craigslist for $65. And just like everyone in America, I want to start using it...

*Catch up on getting some photos printed to go in albums

*Get my recipes organized... preferably online. Plan a menu a month at a time... figure out ways to save on groceries (buying in bulk? coupons? making more stuff from scratch? monthly trip to Aldi? online sources...? hmmm...)

*Get a reading light so I can read while I nurse Maddy to sleep at night. Make a list of 25 books I want to read in 2010. (Suggestions?)

*I wish I could write in this blog every day. For now that's a wish, not a goal.

And now I must get ready for bed...

Love to the world,
Neb

Madelaine and Charlotte- which is which?

2009-10-25T23:47:00.001-04:00

Close to midnight

2009-09-29T23:54:00.002-04:00

Oh Internets,

My children don't sleep ~~much~~ enough. Nate and I are both really tired.

I have an apple for snack!

This Saturday my parents are coming, and I am super excited! Then we're going to the Lehigh Valley area so Nate can go to a conference Monday/ Tuesday, and we can all visit people. Yay!

Mopping the kitchen floor was supposed to happen today. But it's midnight. I think it's time for bed, yeah?

There is so little time in every day for doing anything other than taking care of my house and kids. At least it seems that way. I miss writing in this blog. But this is only a season of life. And a good season, at that.

Love,
Neb

In which I appease you with Video! of Madelaine's Second Birthday

2009-09-16T23:34:00.003-04:00

Charlotte's Birth Story: The Aftermath!

2009-09-01T19:13:00.002-04:00

I guess that should be "afterward?" But I'm a math major, you know, so aftermath is what came to mind. [Why isn't it "afterword," since, you know, it's AFTER all the other WORDS?] But I digress.

Onward!

Where was I? Oh yes, I had just extruded an infant from my loins.

Charlotte didn't cry right away, she just looked at me with big beautiful eyes. I think I told her about 10 times, I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE OUT... and I think we started nursing fairly soon. Unlike Maddy, who didn't latch well the entire time we were in the hospital, Charlotte figured out nursing right away, which was awesome. (I think it helped that I have more experience, and after two straight years of nursing Madelaine, my, uh... physiology is more nursing-ready.) Anyway, I ended up with a second degree tear, but even though I could feel the doctor touching me, I was quite comfortable during repair (and have had an easy healing process, so really can't complain.) I do think, though, that next time I'll opt for the Regular Full-Force Make Me Totally Numb Please epidural instead of the patient controlled thing, because the whole point of letting it wear off "a little bit" (ha!) so that I could try a vertical position so that I could avoid tearing didn't work so well, did it? I mean, true, I didn't tear quite as badly, but I'm not sure that the significant discomfort during labor was worth the difference... (plus, with the Regular epidural I had with Maddy, I didn't have any itching or nausea- but don't know if that's a regular vs. patient-controlled thing, or if it was just a slightly different drug used...)

So! I will tell you the funny/ odd/ disturbing things about my hospital stay now:

*Chapter 1: Ice Diapers!*

So most hospitals are kind enough to provide you with these great ice packs that you twist to break open (there is Magic/ Science inside! no idea how it works, don't care) and then they work like a cold maxi pad? Yeah. These have been around for quite a while. Well, Mt. Nittany JUST DISCOVERED these and obtained some the week before Charlotte was born. (Thankful it was the week before, and not the week after!) But a lot of the nurses still didn't know they had these available, so they kept offering me the product they'd been using: get this- are you ready? An ICE DIAPER. Yes, my friends, they will pack ice in the lower levels of a PAMPER and give you that to soothe any parts of you that may be sore after childbirth.* Now really, I shouldn't be complaining about this, I should be grateful that I live in a place where things like ice and sanitary disposable products are available! I mean I still think of all the women giving birth in the middle of nowhere without ACCESS to the wonderful, wonderful ice of any kind. But still, I just think it's a bit absurd that they make their own ICE DIAPERS when there's, you know, an actual product out there on the market designed specifically for the need... I mean, really...? If you ask for dental floss, do they give you string? If you ask for Kleenex, do they give you toilet paper? Just wondering.

So at one point, after confirming that they DID indeed now have these wonderful twisty-cold pad things, I went down the hall to the nurse's station to ask for a few more. The nurse who had given the last one to me warned me, "Not all the nurses know we have these yet..." so I was prepared. But it was still hard to stand up to... (duh duh DUUHHHH...)

NURSE FROWNY-FACE!

Yeah. This nurse was just one of those people that looks like they were BORN frowning... like that's their default facial expression, you know? I asked her for the twisty ice pack things. She stated with complete confidence, "We don't have anything like that." [and then I think offered to get me an Ice Diaper.] I was like, "Um...? You do? Because I HAVE BEEN USING THEM." Flustered, she asked other nurse, who said, "Yes we have those, but they do not work as well as the ICE DIAPERS." [I may have possibly snorted through my nose at this point, but you would be proud of me, I only said mildly, "I prefer these pads to the ice diapers..."] So after locating the stash, Nurse Frowny-Face proceeded to unwrap the pad for me, despite my protests that I could do it myself, and then sort of slam it into the counter to break open the magic icy stuff inside, despite my quiet protests that it was meant to be TWISTED. But at least I had my twisty ice pad!!

By the way? They make hot pads too, which are fantastic also (they're meant to be used after the first 12 hours.) Sadly, Mt. Nittany had not yet discovered these. I asked them what they did for a heat treatment, and they mentioned the infamous SITZ BATH. I have never been a fan of the sitz bath... but I'll spare you the details of that.

Okay there's more, but it's late, so...

*TO BE CONTINUED*

*Don't you appreciate the delicacy of my terminology? I try so hard for you...!

Hazelnut cinnamon coffee + apple cinnamon bagel= Enough morning inspiration for a blog post! Lucky you...

2009-08-28T09:14:00.002-04:00

There you have it! So I have some more to write about Charlotte's birth, but I'm not up to it at the moment. But in the spirit of breaking my obsessive-compulsiveness about blogging (ie wanting a Perfectly Organized Comprehensive Blog with Pictures and Everything...), I'm writing this little post just for you and just for me, just so I can be WRITING. I really miss writing in here.

Now that I'm here, what shall I tell you about?

I have tutor training in a few minutes! ONLINE tutor training for ONLINE tutoring! Hurrah! I will not be a scaredy-cat, and I will learn how to use the electronic tablet and the headset to tutor the children! Yay! I will work Sunday and Thursday nights, 8-10 pm. I am excited! I need to come up with some things for Nate and Madelaine to do during that time...

Speaking of Madelaine: I have a confession to make: I let her watch too much TV. WAY too much TV. I am not opposed to kids watching some TV, but the key is, IN MODERATION, yes? We're missing the moderation part. I just have trouble, you know, with the small one wanting to be held all the time (yes, even when she sleeps), and then the Constant Nursing, and then the Daily Tasks of life like getting dressed and eating food and unloading the dishwasher and changing diapers. It is so easy to just turn on the TV when I know there's a PBS show that will keep her glued to the screen... to get a break from the constant barrage of requests to nurse and various trouble-seeking enterprises she pursues. In my mind I think I should be this Supermom that has craft projects planned on a regular basis and is always ready to engage in Creative, Interactive Play... but somehow on a daily basis it doesn't happen much? It's easier to sit here and drink coffee and read random things on the internet. Sigh...

Let's end on a happier note! Uh... Charlotte is waking up now and starting to fuss. I don't know what else to say at the moment. But I think my two beautiful children are Happy Notes. So think of them! And click on the link to see all our Photobucket pictures...

Love,
Neb

Charlotte's Birth Story, Part 3

2009-08-20T21:48:00.002-04:00

Baby steps, people! Baby steps!

So the next phase of labor, when the epidural had me pain-free and I was just hanging out and dilating, was the Golden Phase of labor. Nate and I just got to chat and enjoy each other's company, and everything was very calm and peaceful. Around 11:30 my OB checked my progress (painless! epidural!) and I was fully dilated! Woo-hoo!

So here's a little more explanation... with Maddy, I was totally numb, and not long after I was fully dilated the nurses coached me on pushing, and I pushed her out in 11 minutes. I also had a pretty bad tear (3rd degree), which wasn't hard to recover from in the short-term, but left me with some problems in the long term. So I did a lot of research before this labor, and decided that I wanted to try a few things differently to prevent tearing. This time around, I put in my birth plan that I wanted to wait to push after I was fully dilated until I felt pressure- even with an epidural, the force of contractions will continue to push the baby down, and sometimes you can feel pressure even when you're too numb to feel pain. So I wanted to not have coached pushing- just push when I felt the urge- and try pushing in some position where gravity could help, like hands and knees, or squatting... these are things that help prevent the tearing. Ask Dr. Google, she'll tell you all about it...

Okay, I have GOT to stop beginning every paragraph with "so."

Then!

Around 12:30 my mom got there, and Nate's mom showed up at some point too (I have no idea when!) and our assorted siblings and fathers hung out in the waiting room and took care of Madelaine. I asked one of the nurses (Lindsay! My hero!) if I could try different positions, and she said "what did you have in mind?" and I said anything more upright, so that gravity would help. Hospitals tend to be REALLY cautious when you have an epidural, since they don't want you to fall out of bed or something, but Lindsay was super cool and helped me get into a kneeling position, where I could lean on the upper part of the bed. So I stayed like that for awhile, even though it wasn't super comfortable, but it didn't seem to help much in terms of getting the baby's head to descend. At that point I started to get more uncomfortable, and the Golden Phase of labor began to come to a close...

So*, pressure. I was feeling pressure. And the pressure got more uncomfortable. So I decided to push the epidural button again for more medicine- I hadn't pushed the button since 10 am, and it was now maybe 1:30? Repeat dry heaving, only this time I actually threw up a little bit. Then the nurses said that I needed to get out of hands and knees position, because the baby's heart rate monitor kept slipping and they would lose the signal. So I tried lying on my side. I had been doing little wimpy pushes occasionally for awhile, when I felt pressure, but I certainly hadn't felt like I HAD to push yet... but now I started kind of pushing for real, while Nate held my leg. The pressure! It was VERY UNCOMFORTABLE! And the button-pushing! Was not helping! Hadn't my friend warned me about this?!?

Eventually the OB came in, (oh I forgot to mention- I actually agreed to let her break my water earlier, to try to move things along, once I was fully dilated and it was clear the baby would be here soon anyway- ) and the nurses said the monitor was still slipping (and also the baby's heart rate was dropping a bit?) so they wanted me to lie on my back? So I ended up on my back with my feet supported. Sigh...

And then I pushed the baby out. I was pretty vocal... Charlotte was born at 2:31. And she was beautiful. :-)

*I said I would stop, didn't I? Didn't I?? Oh, the addiction of the so. So!

Charlotte's Birth Story, Part 2!

2009-08-19T12:21:00.003-04:00

Look! Posting on Consecutive Days!

So we got to the hospital a little before 8. We went in through the emergency room (in case the other doors were closed) and a cheerful lady at the front desk offered us a copy of the newspaper. The Sunday paper! With comics! More about that later... And then a nice elderly gentleman (I think the lady and gentleman were both Volunteers) took me upstairs in a wheelchair, because I didn't feel like walking to the fourth floor with THE CONTRACTIONS.

So, change into hospital gown, urine sample, IV, paperwork blah blah blah... Nate helped answer questions and fill out some of the paperwork, which was great, since I was focused on THE CONTRACTIONS at that point, my stars, THE CONTRACTIONS, someone page the anesthesiologist RIGHT NOW PLEASE. The nursing staff were very efficient really, and after "checking to see" (oh PLEASE let's only do that once, pre-epidural, THANK YOU...) and determining that I was already 5 cm dilated, the nice epidural man (wearing jeans? whatever. He had The Drugs. He could have been wearing a polyester leisure suit with Ugg Boots, for all I cared...) came and did his epidural thing. I think that was 9:30, so really no complaints! And I was excited I was at 5 cm so quickly, because at my last appointment on Friday I actually agreed that they could "check to see" (big mistake! won't do that again! AAUUGGHH!!) and he said I really wasn't dilated at all.

Now, here's where I have to Explain a little to you. I have a friend from church who also had her baby at Mount Nittany, and she said that they had given her the kind of epidural that's patient-controlled... you push the button when you need more medicine. She said it was fine until the end, when it was wearing off and she was pushing the button and it WASN'T HELPING... So I had a little chat with Mr. Epidural Guy- he said both the regular kind and the patient-controlled kind were available and left it up to me which to get. I asked him if the patient-controlled kind could deliver the same amount of medicine as the regular kind, and he said yes, and I thought, if that's the case, I might as well do the patient-controlled thing, right? (do you sense the foreshadowing???)

So with Maddy, I didn't have any side effects with the epidural. This time around, as soon as the medicine went in I started dry heaving. But that only lasted a couple of minutes (thank goodness!) I also had this weird sensation of itching all over... so I kept rubbing my face. That lasted pretty much the whole time. But while these things were annoying, they were NOTHING compared to the pain of contractions... oh I should also mention that I had heartburn that ranged from mild to bad the whole time I was in labor, because before we left for the hospital I insisted on drinking a large cup of coffee and eating most of a bagel. I think it was probably the coffee that did it... at least I was properly caffeinated!

*The End! Tune in tomorrow for Part 3!*

Wow! I still Exist! Also? I have TWO children now...

2009-08-18T22:17:00.005-04:00

Hello, amazingly loyal family and friends!!

It seems REALLY hard to start back after being away for so long.

You know what it is, don't you? Overwhelmment. (Yes, it's a word, blogger! Because I Say So.) Too many stories, too many pictures, way too much to write in too little time. Even now that I've actually opened this window and started typing, I'm struggling with where to start...?

How about this: I had another baby, on August 2nd, and her name is Charlotte Roseanna Wentzel and she's beautiful!

And I love both my children dearly. And I have the Ups and Downs of adjusting to life with two children... Sunday morning was a high point, followed by a low point Sunday afternoon (Nap Fail!), followed by a Hard Day on Monday, followed by a Pretty Good Day today... you get the idea. The Hard Days tend to be characterized by lack of sleep and Toddler Behavior Issues (which are really Parent Response Issues... she's just being a normal toddler, and I need to get my act together as her mother.) The good days are quite joyful... Sunday morning I was particularly Happy about life. Really, quite drowning in joy. It was nice. And I'm sure it will come back (once I've had enough sleep to think straight again...)

Alright, well how about this... do you want to hear Charlotte's Birth Story?

*Charlotte's Birth Story*

(Part 1)

So there I was, 40 weeks and one day pregnant. OVERDUE. Which of course is not at all unusual, but since Maddy was almost 4 weeks early, a little unexpected. I was really feeling pretty okay with it- in the final weeks of pregnancy, I felt like I'd sort of gotten used to being huge and achy and so forth. I *was* rather dreading my OB(s) starting to talk about induction, but other than that I was pretty chill.

On my due date (Aug. 1st) I went to bed and couldn't sleep until sometime after 3 in the morning, because the baby was moving a lot and I was having pretty annoying contractions. (Sometimes in late pregnancy I couldn't distinguish between her movements and contractions... which sounds weird, but it's true!) I really wondered if I was going into labor, but didn't get too excited because I'd been having lots of contractions for weeks and they always fizzled out eventually. If fact I felt pretty cranky about the prospect of being in labor because I was SO tired and just wanted to sleep... I felt like I couldn't face the idea of getting up and going to the hospital and, you know, GIVING BIRTH and everything. So I was glad to finally fall asleep, and sure enough in the morning, when I woke up at 6, nothing was going on, so I thought "false alarm, just like every other night..."

BUT THEN (you totally dig my flair for the dramatic, don't you?!?):

At 6:10 I got hit with a really strong, really painful contraction... a LABOR contraction! And a few minutes later, another! And another! It only took a few for me to be pretty sure I was in labor. But I knew I should time them for awhile to make sure they continued, so I got up and got on Skype and talked to my brother for a bit, and then woke up Nate and eventually called my parents and my doctor's office (the OB on call actually called me back IN PERSON. This surprised me greatly!) Adrienne was staying with us then, so she stayed with Madelaine when we left. By the time we got in the car I was pretty uncomfortable, but of course excited to meet my daughter!

*I AM SLEEPY. Going to bed now... must maximize sleep opportunities! Sleep while the children sleep! Part 2 later!*

Love, Neb

Probably setting a new record for how long it's been since I've posted...

2009-06-05T20:03:00.009-04:00

Oh dear readership,

I just know, KNOW that you come here to hear me apologize for not posting in so long! And promise to never let my blog go for so long ever again! Which is a sure-fire way for making sure the next hiatus will be EVEN LONGER. What can I say?

Honestly after being gone for so long, it's overwhelming to try to write because there's so MUCH I could write. (Have I said that before? I think it a lot.) We went to Jenny's wedding in New Hampshire, which was lovely in every way and loads of fun- the Reynolds/ Baily family was a blast to hang out with, as always. ;-) Madelaine and I spent a week near Great Smokey Mountains National Park, staying in a cabin with my parents and siblings and their dogs- SO MUCH FUN! And Maddy really got to bond with all of them, learned to say Grandmama, etc. Too cool!

And I am Great With Child. I'm starting to feel rather enormous, really, but overall feeling well and getting really excited for this baby!! Let's make some lists, shall we?

To Do Before The Baby Is Born:

*Pack a bag for the hospital! (Didn't do this with Madelaine...) To include (why yes, there's a sublist in my list!):

Couple of nursing nightgowns
Bathrobe
Underwear
Nursing bras
Nursing pads
Going home outfit
Lanolin
Breast pump (?)
Boppy nursing pillow
Comfy postpartum cushion
Camera (with fresh batteries!!)
Pen and paper
Phone card (if they actually MAKE such things anymore, in the age of cell phones...?)
Phone number list
Snacks (for Nate and for me, when the nurse isn't looking, 'cause I'm rebellious that way!)
Maybe a book? (my Bible?)
Contact case and cleaner
Glasses and case
Toothbrush, toothpaste
Hairbrush
Deodorant
Shampoo and soap.

Whew, did I leave anything out? Let me know if you think of something!

*Wash car seat cover, get car seat installed/ checked
*Contact the hospital about the stack of consent forms they gave me (I suspect they left a few out!)
*Install the curtains in the babies' room that we bought last year and never put up... (Babies! Plural!)
*Set up the Pack-and-Play? On the off chance that baby #2 would actually be interested in sleeping somewhere other than our arms for any length of time?
*Paint that cute little wooden shelf to hold photos in the nursery...
*Wash the newborn and 0-3 month clothing
*Make diaper stackers so we can keep our size 5's and newborns separate?
*Research diaper covers that can go over disposables. So as not to repeat the 12-month Poop-Leak-Fest that characterized Madelaine's (exclusively breastfed) infancy...

Also? While we're in list-making mode? There's a few things I want/ need for the baby...

This is the Fisher-Price Starlight Papasan Cradle Swing. And what, you may ask, is so great about it? It has the option to PLUG IN = we will save a fortune in batteries over the course of our next 4 babies. Right? Right?!? Totally worth it! Also, it swings side to side in addition to back and forth. Supposedly, infants like this better. The fabric is super soft and the seat offers lots of head/ body support, which makes a newborn feel more snuggly. And a snuggled newborn is a HAPPY newborn... (we pray...) I'm planning to put this in the corner of the dining room, so (theoretically) Charlotte has somewhere to sit while we eat dinner. (Who am I kidding. She's totally going to want to nurse 24/7 like Maddy, right...?) Still, it's a nice thought.

Anyway, I've searched ebay for this a few times, but with shipping I think the Walmart price is pretty hard to beat. So let's just Get It! :-)

Also, we are going to need a double stroller. You have no idea how many hours of my life I have now spent researching double strollers. The sad thing is, I had settled on one- the British Kidz Kargo tandem jogger-

upon the good advice of my wonderful friend Jordana, who loves hers- when low and behold, THEY SOLD OUT. The manufacturer says they are out of stock; they're popping up on Ebay at the rate of about 1 a month now, but the used ones are selling for the new price because of the scarcity. (Up until a few months ago, they were readily available from a distributor in California for around $200, a true bargain in double stroller world!) So MAYBE these will be available later in the year- I will certainly be patient!- but if not, I'll probably end up getting something else. Here are the pros and cons:

Pros: Great price; width of a single stroller for easily navigating store aisles and walking by the side of the road; smooth steering and ride b/c of three wheel design/ bicycle-style tires, so it would work great on the bike path behind our house; nicely designed parent storage area (drink holder, pocket, etc); handle is high enough for Nate; and other common but important features (both seats recline, five-point harnesses, sun shades with viewing windows, storage basket underneath).
Cons: HEAVY (at 41 lbs) and fairly bulky when folded, but the tires do remove easily, so getting it in and out of the trunk of our car would be doable, if not ideal; not designed to accept infant car seat, so a bit inconvenient the first few months; not entirely sure that the front seat, when reclined, is tall enough to support a sleeping toddler (but once Charlotte is old enough to sit up, I think Maddy could sit in the back and then we'd be good for awhile...)

So anyway, the potential unavailability of the Kidz Kargo has made me go back to the drawing board so to speak and start the hunt for The Perfect Double Stroller all over again...

To make an (absurdly long) story short, I am now lusting after the Phil and Teds Sport with Doubles Kit, which is basically a single jogging/ all-terrain stroller that converts to a double stroller! I can't say that I'm in love with the looks of the thing, but the versatility really can't be matched... first, watch this video and then I'll explain something to you. (YES YOU DO want to watch a 10 minute video narrated in annoying Brit-speak about my stroller of choice!)

Okay, now as you saw in the video, there are two possible positions for the second seat (the "doubles" kit)- either in front, with the newborn lying down underneath (in the main seat); or in the back, down near the floor (as in the picture above). But once I found this car seat adaptor for our Graco carseat, I realized we really have a lot of options here!!!

When Charlotte is little/ lightweight/ still hanging out in her infant carseat (probably around first 4-6 months):
1) I can carry Charlotte in the Beco carrier and put Maddy in the stroller (no second seat needed);
2) I can put Maddy in the second seat in the back, and snap Charlotte's carseat into the main seat (probably the most convenient- and both can recline this way and nap if needed, in case we'll be out a long time, like the mall, or a museum or something);
3) I can put Charlotte in the main seat reclined all the way, and Maddy in the second seat attached up top (which is considered the standard toddler/ newborn configuration for Phil and Ted); this would be lighter to push than with the carseat, and fine for quick trips to the library, dr, etc when Maddy doesn't need to recline for a nap. Also, I can toss the Beco (which folds up super small) in the basket underneath, so that if a "short" trip turns into a long one, I could put Charlotte into the Beco and let Maddy sit in the main seat (i.e., idea #1) so she can rest.

When Charlotte is big enough to sit up more and too heavy to lug around in the infant carseat, anyway (6 months+?):

4) I can put Charlotte directly in the second seat in the back and put Maddy in the main seat (which is the official Phil and Ted's "toddler/ toddler" configuration). Both can recline (I think Maddy could go back far enough to be comfy enough for a nap, even with the doubles seat in the back.)
5) Eventually, Maddy can just walk with Charlotte in the main seat (depending where we're going).

See what I mean? So many options!! I love the fact that the Phil & Ted is a quality single stroller with an option to go double, because the only stroller I have now, the Combi Helio, has been a disappointment in some ways (yes, it's lightweight, folds very compactly, and has a tall handle... but the steering is pretty lousy!) As far as I can tell, the Phil & Ted is ideal to take either one or two kids on the bike path OR to the mall. Plus? It only weighs 24 lbs (that may not include the second seat, I'm not sure...) and folds up to 30x20x9 with the wheels off...

So the only disadvantage? You guessed it, the price. On Ebay they're going for around $350-$450. Heh! We'll see...

Okay, now that I've completely BORED YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND, you non-stroller-interested people, I will try a little non-baby talk to woo you back...

Reading! Sometimes I get to read, because my wonderful husband takes Madelaine for a walk almost every night that it's not raining. Also, my generous family members entertained the little person while we were in TN, so I got some time there, too. So I read "When I Was Puerto Rican," by Esmerelda Santiago, which has been on my To-Read list for ages and ages, and it did not disappoint! Greatly enjoyed it. The Puerto Rico of her childhood (in the 50's) was lush and multisensorially fragrant and an intriguing Latina cross between Little House on the Prairie (fairly rural lifestyle in her barrio, complete with snakes, bare feet in the dust) and the gender roles of, say, Leave it to Beaver. By the end of the book (spoiler alert), she's moved to Brooklyn, near Williamsburg to be specific, and is basically chilling with Asher Lev and his Hasidic posse (context clue: I'm a huge Chaim Potok fan, and find it appropos a book I like that starts in rural Puerto Rico ends up in Williamsburg in the 60's?!?) So anyway, I just got the sequel, "Almost a Woman," from Paperback Swap (fabulous program! Go join today! Tell them I sent you, and I'll get points! :-)), but my long baby to-do list will probably prevent me from starting it for awhile....

I also read about the first half of Factory Girls: From Village to City in a Changing China, and then it was overdue and requested by another library patron (patron! I like that. Patron!), so I had to give it back, but I have every intention of trying to check it out next time. It was cool though, because you know how there are people that say, "Buy American! Don't buy things made in China because the workers are all exploited and also? We need to keep jobs in America!" Well, this author's presentation of the factory world of China was far from grim. Yes, the hours are WAY long by American standards, the pay is much lower than American minimum wage, and there are certainly horrific injustices that occur- BUT- this author presents, through stories of individual young women, the flip side, the view of many young Chinese women themselves: how "going out" as they say to work in the factories presents opportunities for economic and personal advancement that wouldn't otherwise be possible. And I, for one, don't mind buying a cheaper T-shirt, realizing that it is enabling someone around the world to rise from true poverty to something approaching what we think of as a "middle class" lifestyle.

Finally, I've just started "Bird by Bird" by Anne Lamott, also on my To-Read list forever, described by my English Major friend Jordana as "the best book about writing I've ever read." I'm enjoying it a lot- so far it's talking about fiction mainly, which is quite a foreign world to me. It's like hearing a painter or composer describe the creative process- totally outside my sphere of ability, but very cool.

Okay, well, I'm up way late past my bedtime (fueled by some 11 pm coffee) so I'd better skedaddle. I seriously can't tell you how much I miss having long hours to spend composing blog entries. It makes me sad that there are so many funny things and so many cool things that I would love to write about, but I just don't have time (time = time without toddler, with TV off, with no distractions... hardly EVER happens). But you know, life goes on, and my life is full of the funny and cool and adorable, and I will choose to celebrate the Real Life that I have, even if it means giving up things that are important to me. Maybe someday I will go back and remember it all and write it for you...

Love,
Neb

PS In the days (!!) it took for me to finish this blog post, some of our friends GAVE us a swing!! And wouldn't take any money for it! It doesn't go side to side, or plug in, but hey, FREE is good, gives us more money to go towards the stroller, right? And it has a pretty green and cream toile print...

A Productivity Day!!

2009-04-19T08:44:00.009-04:00

Because I know just how EXCITING it is for all of you to read my to-do list, here it is!!

*Clean kitchen (including refrigerator...? it's a little sticky in there...) DONE! :-)
*Clean back bathroom
*Finish cleaning master bedroom (including the closet with "Nate's stuff"...? Hmmm...) *IN PROGRESS*
*Laundry FOUR LOADS WASHED, DRIED, FOLDED and PUT AWAY!
*Sort that big plastic bag full of "random financial documents," update our car maintenance log
*Catch up on social things that I've put off while sick the last two weeks DONE! :-)
*Catch up on Maddy's pictures! Sort them, upload to photobucket, pick out some to go on the blog, and some to print... *IN PROGRESS*
*WRITE A REAL BLOG POST

Okay, that's plenty of material for probably the next ~~TWO days~~WEEK, right? Once you factor in church, nap, taking care of The Child, and the enormous amount of time I spend Eating. And Sleeping. And Coughing. And Resting because I'm tired from coughing...

I'll cross them off as I complete them! Check back for the nailbitingly exciting updates!!!!

Love, Neb

Happy Palm Sunday!

2009-04-05T21:21:00.004-04:00

Slight smile, no eye contact. Smile sweetie, smile!!

Good eye contact... now please? SMILE?!?

Today's donkey craft from Sunday School. Within a few hours of arriving home, many of the appendages were amputated...

As the ultrasound technician put it... "'He' is actually a 'she'!"

2009-03-26T09:58:00.005-04:00

This goes to show that INTUITION CAN BE DEAD WRONG. My intuition, anyway... I'm really, really happy for Maddy to have a sister, though. :-)

The obligatory foot shot. And it actually looks like a foot, which is nice.

In this picture, you can clearly tell that our baby is a GIRL! How can you tell? Why, those three lines of course! [No, I have no idea what anything else is in this picture, either...]

I've really got to stop reading Narnia before bedtime... so that she grows a body below her head, instead of just faun legs...

Do you see the milkshake* in her brain? Turned sideways, with a straw? It's like finding pictures in the clouds, isn't it?

Our little alien...

So, we're probably going to go with a first name of Charlotte. Suggestions for middle names are welcome, but will probably not be followed. ;-)

Love,
Neb

*Or, it could be an iced mocha from McDonalds, right? I drink those all summer...

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-13T11:35:00.002-04:00

Nate just found out he will be keeping his job at PSU another year! I AM SO EXCITED!! God is so good. Thanks to all of you who prayed for us!!

We are having a blast in Houston... pictures when I get home and can upload!

Love, Neb

Dental Work! Toddler Illness! Oh, the exciting things you read about in this blog...

2009-02-20T09:26:00.003-05:00

I have this problem on Facebook. EVERY time I think of a good status update, I realize it either involves 1) Food- what I am eating, what I am craving, what Madelaine has just smeared all over the furniture; or 2) Bodily Malfunctions of some form or another- our sniffles, my fatigue. And, really, the fact that all of my status updates revolve around these two areas makes me think my life kind of revolves around these two things...? Which is kind of... sad? Maybe I should just do what my teenager friends do and post snippets of emo song lyrics...

So on that note! I will now tell you about our Bodily Malfunctions! And maybe some food.

So let's see, we took Maddy for her 18 month check-up last week, and the amazing news is that she actually LOST a few ounces since her 15 month visit. So I have to take her back next month for a weight check. She's about 24 1/2 lbs, which still puts her 50th percentile for weight, and she's 37th for height, so it's not like she's in danger of starvation or anything- really I think it's healthy she's slimming down now after her amazingly chubby baby days- but I am paying a little more attention now to what she eats. She usually eats most of what we give her, so maybe I should be offering more?

Her head is still off-the-charts too big, so the new pediatrician asked us to have her records sent from her old pediatrician (in the Lehigh Valley) to see if her head has always been big, and also asked Nate and I to measure our heads and call them with the measurements- apparently they can put these into an "equation" to figure out how big her head should be?!? Personally, I just think she has a big head...

So of course after the pediatrician visit, she came down with a cold (the germs!! oh, the germs!!) which has now morphed into Croup, so she is a Barking little chicken. A barking, miserable, clingy little Chicken. Poor Chicken.

And then yesterday? I went in for a marathon 2-hour dental appointment. The tooth that had the root canal a couple of weeks ago had started hurting, so they worked me in and took a look, and ended up doing both fillings (in the root canal tooth, and the one behind it) and the temporary crown. I was comfy the whole time really; just got tired of keeping my jaw open, and now my gums are a bit sore. But I am SO THANKFUL for modern dentistry... anesthetic... etc.

Food? I'm eating grapes at the moment. But I think I should post this now and go to bed... Nate's family coming to visit tomorrow. Yay!

Love,
Neb

NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

2009-02-09T09:59:00.002-05:00

According to this cnn.com article, one of the latest victims of the sagging economy might just be...

KRISPY KREME!!!!!!

AAUUUGGHH!!!!!!!!!

Back away from the donuts, and nobody gets hurt...

Also: The Pregnancy!!

2009-02-07T15:33:00.003-05:00

And I forgot to mention: I am now 15 weeks pregnant! ~~What-was-his-nickname-again?~~ Truman is now 4 inches long and only about 9 weeks away from being viable outside the womb! And I'm pretty sure I've felt little bitty Movements a couple of times, which is really fun. Also, according to my doctor's scale I have lost about 4 lbs during this pregnancy, I think due to my thyroid dose getting bumped up AGAIN, to 150. Woo-hoo! To put this in perspective, I now weigh what I did when I was about 30 weeks pregnant with Madelaine. Ha!

So maybe sometime I'll actually get around to taking a pregnancy picture... remember my endless photojournaling with pregnancy #1? Again. Ha.

Oh, and an Amusing Anecdote: just now, Madelaine was standing next to Nate, who was on the sofa, and gently running her fingers through his hair. He was like "What is she doing...?" and I said, "just touching your hair." He said "That's fine, she's being gentle, I just didn't know what was up." And, beaming, Madelaine pointed emphatically to the ceiling.

Love, Neb

Date Night/ Bad Children's Programming

2009-02-07T08:53:00.003-05:00

Last night, my husband and I WENT ON A DATE like REAL GROWN-UP PEOPLE!! Our pastor and his wife kindly babysat Madelaine while we went to Texas Road House and then went to see Frost/ Nixon. It was very liberating! We had a great time. And Madelaine was fabulous- she knows Miss Bonnie from church nursery and was quite content. I really felt comfortable leaving her- much more comfortable than I would have even a couple of months ago- because I can just sense from her development that she's now much more capable of understanding she's safe with other people, and Mama and Daddy will come back soon. I decided we should probably try to swap babysitting with another couple from church once a month or so, even though we can't afford to do anything expensive. It's hard to balance marriage and parenting, but so very, very important...

In other news, I hit a new low this week with Madelaine's TV habit- we flipped to PBS and THAT SHOW was on. You know. The one with the Big Purple Dinosaur. And internets, I let her watch it. Because she was completely engrossed, and whatever I was doing on the computer seemed worth it... and internets, I even saw her dancing along to the music. And then I threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Let us never speak of this again.

This morning? Thomas the Tank Engine and Bob the Builder. Annoying things about Thomas:

1) The name Thomas. Gag me. (My sincerest, heartfelt apologies if you are named Thomas. Please do not hold this against me. We can still be friends, right?)
2) Narration in present tense. Why. Why???
3) The bizarre eye-rolling. Not like teenager "Whatever" eye-rolling... like spastic neurological disorder eye rolling. Do their eyes move so much because they don't have arms and legs to wave around, and running forwards and backwards on a track just isn't expressive enough?

Annoying things about Bob:
1) He's been subconsciously preparing the toddler generation for our current president's campaign slogan. "CAN WE ~~BANKRUPT THE US~~ BUILD IT? YES WE CAN!"
2) I don't know what else. But I'm sure if I keep watching I'll find more!!!

Alright, I'd better take off, the Wee One is attempting to sabotage this blogging attempt by physically taking control of my wrists. Ha ha!! I have prevailed!!

Love, Neb

PS Got to make dinner for small group tonight. And I would like to know what I need other than beef, carrots, potatoes, and onions to make a true beef stew in my crockpot. I have Cream of Chicken soup, but somehow I don't think that will cut it...???

An Interesting Day

2009-02-04T14:22:00.003-05:00

[Now-Day-Before] Yesterday was kind of cool and different. To start with, Madelaine and I and 300 ~~trillion~~ ~~billion~~ million* other people in America bundled up and headed to Denny's for their special FREE Grand Slam Breakfast promotion. Because, you know, Americans are all about getting up early, getting dressed and out the door, spending gas money, waiting outside a restaurant in line for 15-20 minutes in the freezing cold, all so they can spend a $2 tip on a meal they could have cooked at home for $1. Because it's a FREE MEAL. That's how we think. Our local establishment was crowded with the elderly, small groups of college students, and a few assorted Locals- some in full hunting regalia. I'm really curious if Denny's will find their little experiment to be profitable in the long run... anyway, we enjoyed the pancakes and eggs and bacon and took the sausage home to Daddy Nate. A fun little outing.

*You know, what with the gazillions of dollars being "spent" (printed) for this whole Bail-out thing, all of the -illions seem to kind of blur together, you know? [Oops, I think my kid is eating stickers off the craft we did yesterday.] But as we head into The Second Great Depression (yeah, I said it!) I've decided to adopt the federal government's strategy- when we don't have any money, we'll just PRINT MORE! :-) Where are Madelaine's crayons...?

Then I had my two dental appointments- Nate stayed home from work to watch the Chicken while I went in for my 11 a.m. ROOT CANAL. How come the phrase ROOT CANAL sounds so dreadfully intimidating?!? It was really a piece of cake. I have a feeling that if the tooth had been bothering me it would have been worse, or if there were "complications" (like my poor MIL had recently with a tooth...) I think the dentist only worked about 20 minutes, and it was all over. Then at 2 I went in for my cleaning... so one time I went to this dentist that had this special gizmo for cleaing, some kind of blue lighty- thing (yeah that's the technical term) that just king of, you know, BLASTED the plaque off ultrasonically or something. And CAN I TELL YOU how much more comfortable that is than the scrapy-pick-thingie?!?!? I was like, WOW, I must have this treatment again... so when we picked this dentist in State College, I called them up and asked if they had some kind of alternative to the scrapy-pick thing, and tried to describe the blue light thing, and the lady was like, Yes! We have a (Something)!! So I was like, Cool! But it turned out to just be something called a "Cavitron," which is a high-powered stream of water (like pressure washing your teeth!!) Which would have been fine, that was also much more comfortable than the pick, except that apparently IT DOESN'T REALLY GET EVERYTHING because after using it on my teeth she was like, "Okay, let me just finish up with the hand tools now" and then she did the painful scraping thing for a good long time, so it's like, what's the point?!? Oh well. At least she was good at it and it wasn't TOO bad... one time, I went to the dentist (I think in Atlanta) and the cleaning was so painful, my eyes were watering and I was gripping the chair...

On the way home I stopped off at Giant and stocked up on meat, since our local Walmart Supercenter never has any good deals on Cow, Pig, and Chicken... comparing prices on a few other things, though, I was impressed and persuaded we should probably be buying most of our groceries there.

Then it was back home to grab a quick nap with Madelaine... but "quick" turned into over 2 hours. I woke up around 7, confused and disoriented that it was dark outside, and then sad that I was late for my 6:30 Bible study! I hustled out the door and enjoyed some great insights on Hebrews 2. Jorn says that when we struggle with sin, the key to "activating" grace- ie, relying on the power of the Holy Spirit instead of our own- is believing that our sins are forgiven, and really putting our faith in God's strength. That makes a lot of sense to me.

On the way home it was snowing, and my car skidded and ended up perpendicular to the road at one point when I turned left, but thankfully the car behind me could brake before running into me. We need two new tires on the back. I'm almost getting used to the whole driving-on-ice-and-snow-and-sliding-around-like-crazy phenomenon- ALMOST. I still tend to silently grumble that my husband had to be from a state like Pennsylvania and fantasize about Texas spring, but, you know, what can you do? The Groundhog* saw his shadow, which means that winter will last til early-to-mid April. (If The Groundhog HADN'T seen his shadow, in my opinion this would also mean that winter would last til early-to-mid April, because I am a hard, bitter realist who just says THAT'S HOW LONG WINTER LASTS HERE.) On the positive side, we just bought Madelaine's snow boots- they finally went on clearance at Walmart- Disney princess snow boots!! (Will our son enjoy wearing them, too?) But I have to say, they fit her feet fine, but the velcros will barely fasten around our chubby little Princess's cankles. Oh well, what's a girl to do? The few pairs of knee-high boots I have tried on in adult life don't fit my calves, either...

*The Groundhog is taken very seriously around these-here parts, along with hunting season, Joe Paterno, and the Steelers. Did I tell you that the local school-children had a two-hour delay the Monday after the Superbowl even though the weather was FINE?? So very, very wrong...

I'd better go, apparently there is a Nursing Emergency, although her mouth is still full of Cheerios so I told her she has to swallow first...

Love, Neb

More Disturbance...

2009-02-01T15:56:00.005-05:00

So many of you have probably read about the octuplets born in California recently, and some of the rather unusual circumstances surrounding the family (mom already had 6 kids at home, ages 2 to 7, all conceived by IVF, and is not married- she lives with her parents). Of course medical ethicists are having conniptions about the fact that someone apparently agreed to implant 8 embryos ("in a woman under 35 who already has children"- which I'm not sure should be relevant, but anyway...)

I'm not here to discuss the ethical implications of IVF as a whole, or this woman's personal choices in her journey to being a mom of 14. I just want to comment on a couple of quotes I read in a CNN article this morning...

Once it was clear that the the woman was carrying octuplets, her doctors suggested "reduction"- aborting some so that the rest would have a better chance at survival. The woman refused this option and decided to keep all 8. The ethicists in this article were asked to comment about her decision:

George said that, based on the information available, his personal ethical decision would probably support the woman's choice to carry all the babies to term. But he said that selective reduction is not the same as traditional abortion because the goal is the healthiest possible birth rather than the termination of a pregnancy.
"The babies didn't put themselves there; it's not their fault," George said. "There does seem to be a serious ethical question about killing one or more of them, even for the sake of maternal health."

I just want to know, what in the WORLD does he mean by "The babies didn't put themselves there; it's not their fault"- is this his way of explaining why "reduction" is not the same as "traditional abortion"??? So if a woman gets pregnant unintentionally, does that mean it IS the baby's fault, thus making it worthy of being killed?!? Are the only babies with a right to life those who are intentionally conceived?

But wait-- it gets worse!

Rosenthal, on the other hand, questions the woman's capacity to make a good decision under the circumstances. Some neonatologists believe that when pregnant women are told about dangers of prematurity or have great expectations about giving birth, their judgment can be impaired, she said.
The situation raises the issue of whether a doctor ought to override a patient's wishes for the sake of saving lives, she said. Although the health care system in America gives patients autonomy in making decisions about their own bodies, when emotionally distraught, some people decide poorly, she said.

When I read this, I could not believe this statement was made publicly by a doctor in the 21st century. Is it 1700 again?? Do we think women need hysterectomies because they are, by nature, Hysterical?? The medical field's stereotype of women in general, and pregnant women in particular, as incapable of competent decision making due to their "overly emotional" natures is a disgraceful prejudice that should have disappeared ages ago with the likes of bloodletting. Yes, under the great emotional distress that comes with MANY health care situations, people may (in a doctor's opinion) "decide poorly"- but isn't that truly what "autonomous decision-making" is all about? One of the cornerstones of modern medical ethics is that mentally competent adults have the right to make decisions about what kind of treatment to pursue, or whether to pursue treatment at all, as long as those decisions are intended to protect, not destroy, life. That fundamental right is not subject to compromise due to a supposed state of heightened emotional lability.

Do people think this isn't a big deal? This kind of attitude, expressed by this doctor, is why women don't trust their OB's. This is part of the reason the homebirth movement is growing, for better or worse. For those of us giving birth, this is a Very Big Deal.

Neb

This is just DISTURBING...

2009-01-31T15:43:00.004-05:00

"It's a difference of opinion," she says.

I can feel my blood pressure going up every time I listen to this...

Overheard this evening at our house...

2009-01-21T19:02:00.003-05:00

Neb: "Do I look pregnant in this outfit?" [Velvet stretchy pants, fitted long sleeve black T-shirt- I'm thinking I look Hott with a cute little Bump.]

Nate: "Yes. [Pause.] Actually, no. It doesn't look like you're pregnant, it just looks like you're... something else..."

12 Weeks and 1 Day!

2009-01-18T18:27:00.003-05:00

Good evening, beloved readers. How is everyone on this fine, snowy evening? It is a balmy 23 degrees here at the moment, with a light snow, which is downright tropical compared to the single digit temps we've experienced in the last week. My husband is enjoying watching The Football, which, to me, has the entertainment value of watching cornflakes absorb milk [The Superbowl...? I go for the snacks and the commercials. I totally zone out during the actual game part. Of course there's usually such a crowd that I can't actually hear the commercials, so really I should just stay home and be a nerd and read a book...], but I'm happy for him, you know? And he's making the Tender Melt-in-your-Mouth Braised Beef for me right now (CRAVING POT ROAST recently, oh my goodness...) which is what people make when they forget/ are too lazy to put stuff in the crock pot 6 hours before meal time. So all in all, there is Peace in the Nebiverse. And a nagging something in the back of my head about Laundry, but we'll get to that in just a bit...

So anyway, as the title announces I am just ONE WEEK away from being done with the first trimester! W00t! Morning sickness has definitely been lighter this time around- which actually lends just a bit of scientific credibility to my entirely non-scientific hunch that I am having a boy. Hopefully we'll find out with an ultrasound in about 8 weeks. Perhaps some of you have noticed the lack of weekly updates and Weight Gain tracking this time around... Chalk it up to the loss of novelty with a second pregnancy, and also the fact that I'm not quite as interested in obsessing over my weight this time because... well, how do I say this...

At the doctor's office on November 26th, right after I first found out I was pregnant, I weighed 165.5 lbs. (granted, I think I was wearing a jacket and shoes.)

When I was THIRTY SIX weeks pregnant with Madelaine (ie right before I gave birth), I weighed about 167.

!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am sharing this information with you, internets, to encourage all you Skinny Chicks out there (you know who you are!!) who freak out about gaining 50 lbs when you're pregnant (and then lose almost all of it afterwards.) See! It could be worse! You could START your second pregnancy close to the point where you ENDED your first one!!

I'm probably not as upset or concerned about this as I should be. (Or, I shouldn't be? So it's all good? Why, thanks.) How did this happen, you ask? Well, I exclusively nursed my child for the first 12 months of her life, which is supposed to really help with the weight loss thing. BUT, I also dropped out of grad school, which means that I had more free time on my hands, so that in addition to my grad school diet of donuts, cake, and coffee, I added (not replaced, added) more nutritious choices like Normal Meals. I don't know, too many calories, not enough exercise, plus my BUM THYROID. Yeah, my thyroid numbers have been not so great for the past year, and that slows metabolism, so let's just blame that, shall me?

Anyhoo, I am really so very happy to be pregnant. And really so very apprehensive about doing this 2-kid thing... I would love to hear from those of you with 2+ kids... advice? Strategies? I think my greatest concern is that Madelaine 1) loves, loves, LOVES to nurse- which is great- but it's hard for me to imagine her being patient while I nurse The Newborn? Especially if said Newborn likes to nurse as much and as long as she did? And yes, I am willing to try nursing them both at once, but don't know whether or not that will work for me... 2) is WAY into the attachment thing. Nurses to sleep for every nap, at nighttime, and every time she wakes up in the middle of the night. So let's say, theoretically, that the new baby and I sleep in bed with Nate and Madelaine sleeps in her own bed in her own room. So if she wakes up 6 times in the night crying, and I get up every time to go to her, I'm not getting much sleep, right? So let's say the newborn and I sleep in Madelaine's room. Won't they cry and wake each other up? So I'm still not getting much sleep, right?

Oh internets! I LOVE MY SLEEP!

But I also sort of think I shouldn't worry too much about this, it will work itself out when the time comes (??), because I was overwhelmed at the thought of taking care of Newborn Madelaine and it turned out to be way easier than I thought, in a lot of ways...

Okay, time for something non-baby related...

I have been reading!

Ha, come to think of it, I guess a book about twins and sextuplets isn't exactly non-child-related... anyway I got this for Christmas, and it's a fun book- Kate is way more organized than I am, and, I have a feeling, sleeps a lot less. It's an interesting insight into their family. Also? I want you to know that the 10 Gosselins go through 3 gallons of milk a week. And the 3 Wentzels go through 2.5 gallons of milk a week. No wonder our grocery bill is insane...

Also reading:
This is the riveting first-hand experience of Carolyn Jessop, who escaped with her 8 children (I know, I know, with the kids already!!) from a very abusive family in the FLDS. It is AMAZING to me- and heartbreaking- that these things occurred in 21st century America, and I'm sure are still occuring today. Reading some horrific accounts of the child abuse that took place had the positive effect of making me hug Madelaine a little tighter, and see through the little inconveniences of motherhood to what's really important- my baby is safe and healthy and I adore her more than my own life.

Love, Neb

Wow, look at the calendar! It's 2009!!

2008-12-31T10:16:00.006-05:00

Hi there, normal people! How are you this fine evening? Yeah...

SO! I will catch you up on the last few weeks. The Sunday before Christmas, I started feeling More-Than-Average queasiness in the evening. And I thought, Oh no! Is my so-far-very-manageable "morning" sickness taking a turn for the worse? I went to bed and woke up within an hour knowing I had to vomit, which I preceded to do repeatedly and miserably for the next few hours. [Regretfully, the last thing I had eaten was some crackers and extra sharp cheddar cheese. And can I tell you? Vomiting extra sharp cheddar through your NOSE repeatedly is really, um... Not So Great.] And with the vomiting came The Other Symptom of Stomach Viruses Which Shall Not Be Named, in full force. And I realized, with great horror, that I was the leading star in an unfolding drama known as [drum roll]:

"REVENGE OF THE NOROVIRUS: THE NOROVIRUS STRIKES BACK!"

It was January 2005 all over again... the misery, the weakness, the inability to keep down even the smallest sip of water. Taking into consideration the fact that my gestational/lactational status required such a high consumption of fluids, I decided not to take any chances and hied myself (or, technically, Nate drove me) to our local ER, where I was given IV fluids and Happy Tummy Medicine and warm, snuggly blankets. And lo, just like Jan. 2005, the vomiting stopped after the Happy Medicine! But alas, UNlike Jan. 2005, The Other Symptom That Shall Not Be Named did not desist quite so quickly, so that right after they discharged me around 4:30, and I had to dress myself and go to the lobby to await transportation home... er, there were Problems. Embarrassing problems.

Let us never speak of this again...

Can I just say that hospital people are Really Cool? They were so very kind to me and let me lie down again after I was discharged to wait for Nate to come. And they brought me a drink and the warm blankets and let me rest. So the GOOD thing about this whole episode was that I got to see that the staff at the hospital where Baby #2 will most certainly be born are really all nice, kind, compassionate people [who can deal with The Liquid Sickness without batting an eyelash!]

So anyway, Tuesday night, the Chicken nursed to sleep as usual, and then right when I was about to leave her, she sat up in bed and threw up all her dinner (which happened to be ham and rice.) And you can probably fill in the details of what the next few days were like. (Christmas morning, she seemed fine. Christmas afternoon around 3 pm, she lost it all again!) And Nate got sick too, but thankfully for him, no vomiting. So needless to say, it was a rough week, what with all the laundry (!!!!) and the Listless, Miserable Toddler (who just wanted to nurse ALL DAY LONG) and the canceled Christmas traveling plans. But can I tell you how fantastically wonderful my husband is? He cleaned both bathrooms and watched the child so I could nap and ran to Walmart for stuff and generally took care of us all quite splendidly. Thanks, baby. ;-)

And then as soon as I got over The Virus, I caught a cold, which is currently on Day 21 or so of its l-o-n-g, ridiculously long duration. Although now I am no longer coughing and sniffling up buckets of green mucous- it's clear now, so that shows improvement, right?

[Can I just interrupt myself here to say I totally sound like an octagenarian telling you about my Maladies and Complaints? I am so very, very sorry about that. It's just My Life right now, you know? Next up: my gall bladder surgery!! With pictures and everything! (Kidding! Kidding. Ha.)]

And Madelaine and Nate both got the cold.

*THE END [of Maladies and Complaints]*

So we did get to visit both my family and our Lehigh Valley family and friends AFTER Christmas, which was lovely of course, and were showered with presents as always, including The Baby Carrier Of My Dreams!!

Thanks mom and dad!! You are too kind.

So now The Chicken and I are rather just in the winter doldrums, with HIGH temperatures in the single digits some days (yes, Farenheit!) Today at least it's sunny which is nice, and the snow is pretty, but still, I miss playground time and long walks in the stroller. Where are you, spring?!? Of course my husband loves the freezy-cold, and he got a chance to go skiing, which is great, so I'm happy for him. I just keep running out of indoor activities to do with my child...

Speaking of which, here are a couple of awesome pictures Nate's dad took at Thanksgiving:

Time to read more stories again...

Love,
Neb

Merry Christmas!!

2008-12-25T09:33:00.005-05:00

My toddler has just rubbed vodka sauce all over her hair. And I need a nap. Yet I blog! For you! Yes, you too!

2008-12-14T15:17:00.002-05:00

Greetings, my gentle readers,

I am sleepy! Not hungry, having just eaten the most fantastic lunch prepared by my esteemed spouse. But sleepy! I have the Coffee. Perhaps this will wake me up enough to compose a blog entry for you. Yes YOU, you whom* I love, you who checks this blog EVERY DAY for updates... Wait, you don't check every day for updates? I guess we can still be friends.

[Interlude. Child has just vigorously filled her diaper, with love and squalor**. Will go remedy the situation.]

That's better. What, you heard me yelling at my kid for trying to stick her hands and feet in the poop? She's my baby angel and I love her, but the Rapid and Vehement Poop Zone Expansion Scenario?? UNACCEPTABLE.

Anyhoo, time to write something for you. So. I am pregnant! I have The Pregnancy! We covered that in the last entry, didn't we? I am 7 weeks now and Very Happy. I Eat and Sleep a lot. I had my first OB appointment already, and both the nurse and PA were like, "You're nursing while pregnant? You need to eat LOTS and LOTS of calories."*** Don't worry, people, I AM ON IT!! I'm trying to go to bed a little bit earlier these days, but sometimes it seriously seems like my toddler needs less sleep than I do. Yesterday I actually woke up Nate to keep an eye on her while I went back to bed for a bit... which was lovely. And he was so sweet to do it. Oh, can't talk about bed, I will be sleepy again...

Okay! It's time to write about What Not To Wear.

Love, Neb

*Are there any who vs. whom confused people out there? Yeah, it can be tricky. Want a tip? Use "whom" anywhere you would use "him" or "her" [objective case], and "who" anywhere you would use "he" or "she" [subjective case]. So in the phrase "you whom I love," it's tricky because the word order is kind of changed around, but try this: which sounds right, "I love him" or "I love he"? So that means "I love whom" is correct, or, turned around, "whom I love." You can't say you don't learn anything from this blog!!

**This is a literary allusion to one of my favorite authors, J.D. Salinger, and his short story "For Esme, with Love and Squalor."

***They didn't mean donuts, did they? :-( Actually, it's okay, during pregnancy I tend to crave things like Steak and Cheeseburgers and Pasta and other Main Dishes more than sweets... I mean not that I don't EAT sweets, too, but you know what I'm saying. Okay, in the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that as I type this I am eating a piece of banana cake whose frosting is as tall as- nay, TALLER THAN- the cake itself. But this is only because my Real Food cravings have been satisfied by the phenomenal lunch, and I realized the cake would go well with my coffee...

Thankful

2008-11-27T21:23:00.003-05:00

This year I am thankful for my family, far and near, for good food and abundance and especially for this new life growing inside me.

Note, this is unfortunately not MY actual pregnancy test. The cross on MY test is already unreadable. This is someone else's pregnancy test, courtesy of Google Images. However, it's the same brand (good old Walmart generic.) Mine looked like this, except the cross had a bold horizontal and faint vertical (and then the horizontal completely faded- go figure!) Next time I'm getting First Response even though they're more expensive. They seem more definitive. Isn't this an absurdly long caption?

I believe that at one point I had several catchy ideas in mind for this post, but of course when it comes to the point of writing they've all escaped me. What should I tell you? My due date is August 1st, I'm completely thrilled to be pregnant again, and I think this time it's a boy. There's nothing the slightest bit physical signaling that last point- just a purely inexplicable intuitive feeling. A sense of urgency that we really need to come up with a boy name this time. We've discussed a couple of possibilities, but Nate wants to keep a lid on it until further along (like maybe when we [hopefully] find out the baby's gender at 20 weeks.) However, you are invited to help our discussion in coming up with a pre-gendered nickname for our little embryo-baby; at the moment his nickname is Truman. There is no reason his nickname is Truman; it just is. It has nothing to do with the president. But if you have a brilliant alternative suggestion, I'm quite open to hearing it!!

We are here at my parents' house in Maryland until Sunday, and Madelaine is enjoying lots of attention, particularly from a lick-happy canine that inhabits the basement. Can you remind me later that I owe you all the following posts?

*Maddy's First Birthday post (before she turns two, hopefully)
*A post about Nate as a dad (this one's been simmering on the back burner over a year now)
*A few key points about things I've learned about life from motherhood
*The post I've been leading up to recently- the haircut, outfits, and shoe posts were all related- I need to write a long post with some philosophizing on the topic of Appearance
*A related post (part 2?) about materialism, gratitude, and living in a world of need
*A really long impossibly difficult post about all the places I've lived

Yeah, that's definitely enough material to keep me busy writing until 2009, and then some. But for now, this Mama of 2 is getting tired and ready for a few leftovers and reading and then bed. Hope you've had a beautiful holiday with people you love,
Neb

PS Overheard in the middle of the night last night:
Neb: "I'm hungry... your son wants more roast beef."
Nate: "He's supposed to be sucking on your uterus."

And tonight: Neb: "Hey honey, can you take your daughter downstairs for me? After all... [suddenly beaming with brilliance], I am carrying our OTHER child."

New Haircut!!!!

2008-11-25T15:18:00.002-05:00

Let's ignore my the redness around my eyebrows (she offered me a free wax job, okay? My eyebrows, in their natural state, are so bad that beauticians practically want to pay ME for a chance to fix them), the small cut above my eye (thanks, Madelaine! she slammed me in the head with a book this morning), and my large recovering zit. Do you like my hair?? It's a Real, Honest-to-Goodness Grown-up Woman Hairstyle!! Jackie, "my new Hairstylist" (oooh!), even wrote down on a prescription pad what I will need to maintain this look- a hairdryer, a "vent brush," (what's that?), a wide comb, and some mousse and spritz. I love it!! Thanks, mom and dad, this was a great BD gift!!

Love,
Neb

Because you all deserve a random blog post! You know you do!!

2008-11-21T10:08:00.006-05:00

So, my husband has this thing about Cutting Straight Lines in Baked Goods. He used to freak out if I cut a round cake in such a way that the Center Point was not really in the geographic center. So last night, I made some chocolate chip cookie bars (half recipe) in a round cake pan... and when they were done, I carved out [a few...] small wedge-shaped pieces for myself, without any particular pattern or plan. [I prefer to have Several "Small" Pieces of dessert as opposed to one big one. This is a kinder, gentler, less embarrassing way of saying Several Servings of Dessert instead of One.] So this morning, when I got up and approached the cookie bars again at breakfast time*, I was greeted by THIS:

*What? Don't you eat last night's dessert for breakfast? Come on...

Oddly enough, I didn't realize that this was meant to be the silhouette of two duck heads until my dear spouse informed me later- I analysed it from a purely mathematical perspective and noted the impressive interior extraction. Very unusual, huh?

And while we're at it, I might as well tackle a little topic I've been thinking about posting for awhile...

*Quirky Things About My Husband!!*

1) He does not drink beverages during meals, unless we're at a restaurant.
2) He does not use a knife to cut his meat. He soldiers on bravely with just a fork, no matter what! I have no idea how he accomplishes this (although in rare instances I think perhaps touching the meat with his fingers may be necessary... Shh, don't tell Emily Post.)
3) Though he stoutly denies the charge of "picky eater," he will not eat: peanut butter; spaghetti (other shapes of pasta are not his favorite, either, but he will eat them as long as they're not overcooked and not served too often...); eggs (unless prepared as an omelette with so much sausage/ other ingredients that the Egg Flavor is basically obliterated); toast; fresh fruit (he doesn't dislike it- just doesn't eat it on a regular basis); "damp bread" (ie, any sandwich with ingredients that moisten the bread inappropriately; can also happen in casseroles with some kind of breading layer, dishes that are generally too "soft" or "mushy" or "soggy"). He also protests ground beef dishes in any form, though we eat them, because, you know, ground beef is Cheap. He does not butter his dinner rolls.
4) To make up for these basic foods he won't touch, Nate has a tendency to chew on, chew up, and at times Swallow non-edible objects including but not limited to: toothpicks; chalk; paper (once he ate an entire church bulletin?); twisty ties; plastic straws and coffee stirrers; lollipop sticks; finger and toenail clippings; and a few other things that he mentioned when I asked him "Remind me, what else do you eat...?" but I won't include them here because they're kind of... disturbing.
5) He doesn't play board games.
6) He wears his glasses in the shower.
7) He hates to talk on the phone to anyone outside his immediate family.
8) He picks up random things on the street- bottle caps, broken watches, electronic parts, corks, and various Unidentified Objects- and likes to Save them in places where I can't find them. [He also likes to hide his "Special Nate Things" on the top of the tall bookshelf, where I can't really see them...]
9) He reports feeling Stressed in a very clean environment, and Relaxed and Happy in a den of clutter. [This would be fine except that I tend to feel Stressed in a cluttered environment, and Happy when things are neat and tidy...?]
10) He hates the sound of the vacuum, the toaster, and the electric mixer, and will go to hide in another room until they're over.
11) He only brushes his teeth... uh... "a few times a week" might be an exaggeration. A few times a month? "Whenever he feels like it" he says. However, he has had fewer cavities in his life than me, so I can't exactly complain... Also? his toothbrush flashes (it's for kids) for 90 seconds or something, to help him know how long to brush.
12) He plays with silly putty at work.
13) He will not permit me to be in the bathroom when he is using it. Ever. There has never been an exception to this in our 7+ years of marriage.
14) He is colorblind.
15) He has size 12EEEEE or 13EEEE shoes. These are very hard to find in stores. For this reason, he basically wears sneakers all the time, mostly New Balance.
16) He had meningitis and pneumonia as a kid- but never chicken pox.
17) He doesn't wear sweaters or sweatshirts because he tends to be Very Hot most of the time (and I think he's Very Hott...) ;-)
18) He does not own a suit. I've never seen him in a suit (although he rented a tux for our wedding, and got a black tux for choir (VERY HOTT!!)) He wore shorts to his doctoral defense.
19) He always wants to pop my pimples. And I don't let him, because it HURTS!! But that doesn't stop him from asking about 10,000 times per zit (which are thankfully fairly rare for me by now...)

There's more, but I might as well end on a prime number and get this published.
Love to all!!
Neb

And another one from my husband...

2008-11-20T00:54:00.002-05:00

Neb: "Hmmm... according to this chart, I'm in about the 68th percentile for weight... and the 25th for height. That means I'm fat."*

Nate: "No, that means you're squat."

*I was just kidding. I wasn't actually bothered by this. I like chocolate more than I like small numbers on a scale, you know?

Neb's Birthday and Holiday Wishlist!! (Now updated!)

2008-11-19T13:23:00.006-05:00

Greetings, Nebiverse fans!!

Okay, I have been debating about whether or not to post this for a few days now... because really, isn't it sort of horribly tacky to suggest things you'd like for your BD or Christmas?!? Because that presumes that people will actually, you know, be buying you presents. And despite the fact that various people actually DO buy me presents every year, it isn't polite to presume, is it?! But sometimes people say "I don't know what to get you!" and I want to be Helpful...? But on the other hand, what if people have already decided something they want to get me for my BD or Christmas this year (my BD is just a few days away... and not everyone thinks about birthdays at the last second like me, right?!?) And then they'll read this and think, Oh! She won't like what I got her! She wants Other Stuff! And I would feel horrible if someone thought that! SO, if you have already decided on something you want to give me this year, please! Carry on! I'M SURE I'LL LOVE IT! And if you weren't planning on getting me anything, that's *totally fine*!! I have Plenty of Stuff! I don't really need any more!

Okay, now that all the embarrassing self-deprecating stuff is out of the way, let's get down to business, shall we? Here are my suggestions...

*Neb's Wish List*

1) A couple of volumes from The Expositor's Bible Commentary series- I would like to try this series out before committing to all 12 volumes. On my Amazon Wish List I listed a couple of specific volumes, but I'd be happy with any of them (probably prefer New Testament...) Please save some money and buy these used!! Try ebay, cbd.com, amazon...

2) Some money to get a better haircut. I hate my hair right now! I'd like to go to a slightly nicer salon than I usually frequent to see if they can give me a more flattering style. Then if I get something I REALLY like, I can take pictures to show my haircut ladies in the future... GOT IT! Thanks, mom and dad.

~~3) A small amout of money ($20 or $25 should be plenty) to try a bit of Mary Kay... because as I get close to 30, I am thinking about maybe possibly becoming A Person Who Wears Make-up...~~ GOT IT! Thanks, mom-and-dad-in-law!

4) Crest Whitestrips. On my Amazon.com Wish List . Maybe that seems like a silly gift, but I would REALLY enjoy a whiter smile, and it's one of those perks that you (I?) don't usually treat yourself to (just like perfume or jewelry.) This is one time I'll actually let you off the hook- you DON'T have to buy this used. ;-) Shouldn't use this while pregnant...

5) A printer. I have been wanting a printer for our computer for a LONG time now... it would just be way convenient!! A CHEAP printer. Used is fine. I just want it to work! A scanner/ copier/ printer combo would be nice, but not essential. Color would be nice, but is not necessary. Here's an exmaple of what I'm looking for:

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=5740961

6) A new diaper bag... there's a specific one I want...
Vera Bradley Mod Floral Blue Cargo Sling:

Now listen carefully- this bag has a retail price of $90. IF YOU PAY FULL RETAIL PRICE, MY INNER TIGHTWAD MIGHT KILL YOU. I have seen this bag for as low as $47 on Ebay. Used is fine, as long as it's in decent condition. If you want to get this for me but can't find it at a good price (ie under $50), PLEASE just give me a little cash contribution and I'll save up for it, okay? The price will probably go down within the next year, anyway, and I can certainly wait. Found it cheap on Ebay! Thanks for the money, mom and dad!

7) The last (big-ticket) item:
http://www.becobabycarrier.com/

This is the baby carrier of my dreams... and yes, within a year Madelaine might be too heavy to carry, but we're hoping for future babies, you know!! Also if you ARE going to carry a heavy toddler, this is the way to do it. I would like the Beco Butterfly II (or 2, or 2.0, as it's sometimes called), and I really like the following patterns: Anaya, Carnival, Sara, Kayla, Nicole. Right now the cheapest you can find these is around $139- you'll see the original Butterfly model cheaper than that, but I would really like some of the newer design features from the 2.0. Again, I think the price will be going down in the next year- so I am NOT asking for anyone to buy me this- just saying if anyone wants to chip in a bit, I can save up for it and be on the lookout for it over the next year!

Okay, that's it!! Thanks for reading. I'll be asking all of YOU what's on your wishlist for this year pretty soon... or feel free to leave suggestions in the comments!

Love, Neb

Observations

2008-11-03T08:01:00.007-05:00

1) Small [nursing, co-sleeping] children, like dairy cows, Indianans, and domesticated pets, Do Not Recognize the significance of Daylight Savings Time. This means that the gap between the end of Must-See TV at night and my child's wake-up time has just narrowed by an hour. Not good! Not good at all!

2) I just turned on the TV (children's programming on PBS, but still!) to staunch the relentless requests to have story books read... over and over and over. Oh, the guilt! I can just see the pattern I'm establishing now... "What's that, honey? You want an encyclopedia set* for your birthday?? How about these nice video games instead..." Seriously, the child likes a book or ~~two~~ four hundred read to her, which is making me realize I need to be more selective at the library. My usual MO is to leaf through the selections in the board book bin, and grab a handful of the first things I find that don't feature Dora and construction vehicles. The new criterion is, what can we stand to read 100 times in a row without little bits of our brains leaking through our ears? There are children's books that feature narrative tension, creative dialogue, surprising/ humourous plot twists, fantastic word play, catchy rhymes, and rhythms that make the repeat reads a joy rather than a burden. Then there are children's books that sound like they were not written by people who actually know the English language.... or as if the text were hastily scribbled as an afterthought just seconds before releasing the book [=fantastic illustrations] to press. Please, children's book authors! Have a heart!!

*Yeah, I know, I know, there won't actually be print encyclopedias by the time she's old enough to read. Or paper books, for that matter. Humor my fantasy world, here...

3) Consider the following, and tell me What is Wrong with this marital exchange:

Neb [sentimentally]: "Can we talk about when I was in labor? I don't really remember it too well. Can you tell me about it...?" [I've asked him this many times before; last night it was prompted by news that some friends from Lehigh just had their baby.]
Nate: "I don't remember it either! I was bored! That's why I was over on the sofa..."
Neb: "You were BORED?!? At the birth of our CHILD?!? Next time I have a baby, I want you to be EMOTIONALLY SUPPORTIVE! I want you to be right by my side, encouraging me on! After all, I was supportive when you defended your dissertation [the day before!] I went shopping for food! I prepared all kinds of things for the reception! I lugged heavy containers up and down the stairs to get everything ready..."
Nate [with a wicked gleam]: "Well... you waddled up the stairs..."

4) And now, just a few [too many] pictures of my child:

These were all taken before church on Sunday. In nursery, she "made" her first craft!

They grow up SO FAST!!

Love,
Neb

Overheard at our House

2008-10-17T17:34:00.002-04:00

The Scene: Nate is showing Madelaine the motions to Itsy-Bitsy Spider.

Nate: "See, the Itsy-Bitsy Spider..." [Pivots fingers in motion.] "It's a dihedral rotation."

Cusotmer Assistance Needed in the Shoe Department...

2008-10-12T08:28:00.002-04:00

You know it just occurred to me- maybe my first problem is attempting to buy shoes in a store where a salesperson has to be paged to the shoe department ("shoe aisle"...? yeah). Could I be on to something here?

Anyway, as some of you (*cough* Adrienne *cough*) may know, I have always been Shoe Challenged. I blame it on spending my formative college and young adult years with Mathematicians, people who might or might not be wearing matching socks at any given moment, let alone fashionable footwear. Recently I have been working on improving my image a little bit, in a sort of interested but ambivalent attempt to conform to more, shall we say, traditional forms of Modern Feminine Style. ("The chunky, clunky combat boots," Adrienne says. "I just... I wouldn't wear them with that dress."*)

This is where you come in, gentle reader. I need your help. Specifically, this is my delimma:

1) We live in a place with famously Cold Winters.
2) When it is Really, Really cold, I usually either wear pants to church (dress pants or khakis [are they called chinos now...? I'm so stuck in the 90's...]) or long skirts. Back in the day, Pre-Lactation, I wore dresses, but as I don't have any nursing dresses, I think I can safely say I haven't worn a dress in over a year (isn't that sad?) So with my Dockers, I feel happy wearing comfortable socks and my brown loafer-type things, that look something like this...

But with my black dress pants? And long black skirts? I'm a little clueless. I don't exactly think this

would work well in the snow and ice. Especially since I have a feeling you're not supposed to wear comfy thick black tights with them...?

I used to have this pair of black mocs (?? is that the right term??) that I wore all the time with black tights and skirts... they looked something like this, only with thinner soles:

Probably not very stylish, but super comfy and practical to wear in snow and ice. [Did I mention? I trip over my own feet frequently? On flat, dry ground? I am a nightmare on ice? Also I carry my CHILD around now?!?]

These shoes just bit the bullet (I'm pretty sure I bought them at Shoe Parade in 2001 for $20, so they certainly had a good life...), and I need to find a replacement for them.

So my question is: suggest a style of shoe (links would be helpful) that I can wear with some kind of sock or hosiery (you need to be very specific explaining what type) with long (mid-calf-to-ankle-length) skirts and pants when it's COLD out.

Now, I think an obvious choice might be tall black boots, right? With an almost-pointy toe and a token attempt at a heel...? Maybe like these:

I could wear these with both pants AND skirts, right? The only thing concerning me is that it's hard to find boots like this in my price range (the above pair is $173 at Zappos.com. Neb's shoe budget is about $20, maybe $30 at the MOST. I found some brown boots for $10 at The Shoe Department a couple of months ago, but that's RARE.) Also, boots are kind of a Bold Shoe Statement, aren't they? It might be nice to (also?) have something a little simpler. So toss me some ideas, people. I need help!!

Love, Neb

*You should know that I doubt Adrienne ever actually made this statement, as she is Kind and Caring and would never give me unsolicited fashion advice, but after I tried to pick her brain for a LONG time about shoes to wear with dresses and skirts, she did come up with "Maybe more feminine styles...?"

PS I just noticed my child has static cling between her nightgown and her diaper. Isn't that adorable?

Madelaine's Pediatrician Appointment

2008-10-06T11:35:00.006-04:00

So apparently, our child's head is still in the "100th percentile."

[What? That's the sound of my Inner Mathematician weeping.]

The chicken has always had quite the noggin, but this was the first time anyone has actually commented on it. The New Pediatrician looked at the chart, looked quizzically at Madelaine's head, took out her tape measurer and tried to measure again a couple of times, asked us if she had always had a big head, looked at the chart again, and asked us if she had ever had a head ultrasound.

Huh?!?

I tried to reassure her, and dredged up from my memory that we also got a "100th percentile" announcement at her nine month visit (albeit with much less drama and fanfare.) She seemed appeased.

Later:

Doctor: "So does she drink from a cup?"
Me: "No, she's just nursing."
Doctor: "Does she drink whole milk?"
Me: "No, she's just nursing."
Doctor: "But I mean, at mealtimes...? What does she drink?"
Me: "She eats food at the table, and then she nurses. She doesn't really drink water or anything- she's just nursing."
Doctor: "So how many times a day does she nurse?"
Me: "Oh, all the time, at least 20...?"
Doctor: "And she nurses a lot at night, too?"
Me: "Yes, all night..."
Doctor: [stopping typing, paying attention now]: "You really need to try to stop that. It will interfere with her growth, Blah Blah Blah..."
Me: "You mean, she'll get too big, or she won't grow fast enough?" [Chicken is now 24 lbs 9 oz, 30 inches tall, which puts her in the fifty-something-eth percentile for height, eighty-something-eth for weight.]
Doctor: "[Something indecipherable] growth hormones secreted at night [something indecipherable]. Plus, she needs her sleep, and you need your sleep, she needs 8-10 hours of sleep a night..."
Me: "Oh, she and I both get plenty of sleep- she sleeps in bed with me, on a mattress on the floor."
Doctor: [Stunned silence. Lots of typing in computer.] "So... she's not drinking from a cup. She's still nursing at night. [More typing.] And you said she's not walking yet?"
Me: "Right."
Doctor: [Silence. Typing.]

I can just see her notes now... "Significant developmental delays. Parents resistant to behavioral modification. Reassess at next visit."

Later:
Doctor [reading from computer screen]: "Be sure you keep cleaning supplies out of reach lock cabinets use outlet covers don't leave her alone in the water don't let her play outdoors by herself when someone nearby is using heavy equipment like a lawnmower [Ed note: ???] praise her good behavior ignore temper tantrums push-pull toys are good baby can eat foods you eat but peanuts popcorn raisins are a choking hazard and should be avoided keep her out of the kitchen while you're cooking do you have any questions?"

Us: "Nope, I think we're good to go here..."

[Honestly... couldn't they just come up with a drive-through vaccination service? It would save us time...]

Neb

Aunt Adrienne's Visit

2008-10-05T18:23:00.003-04:00

We had fun at the playground! There's a video, too, but it's sideways at the moment- maybe Nate can turn it at school, so that I can post it later.

Hi! Do you mind if I just check under your shirt to see if you have any milk...?

2008-09-26T11:09:00.009-04:00

Hi! This is Madelaine! Mama keeps saying how she wants to write my Birthday Post, but my birthday was a long, long time ago, so I figured I'd help her out and write some things about myself, in the meantime. Anytime she wants to write about me it takes her for-EV-er because she has to upload and re-size and edit and pick out all the pictures of me she wants to use (and, believe me, that's A LOT of pictures... the woman goes crazy with the camera sometimes), and THEN she has to write the Mushy Stuff. (Did you read the 6 month post? Talk about SAP, it was like a MAPLE TREE over there...) She takes 4-EVER to write Mushy Stuff. About how she loves me and I'm so cute and yada yada yada. Well. I AM cute, I have to give her that...

So! What would you like to know? How about this- I'll pretend I have a Facebook page, and tell you about my favorite activities and books and stuff! I don't know WHY Mama won't let me have a Facebook page yet- ALL my friends have one- and I know more about the computer than she does!! Sometimes she lets me sit on her lap when she's at the computer, and I totally try to change all her settings to mess with her head. I press all the buttons! And she has no idea how to fix it! It's lots of fun.

Name: Madelaine Elimae. Pretty, isn't it? :-)
Activities: Wreaking havoc; Exploring (Mama calls it "Getting Into Things"); Looking adorable; Waving at my adoring public from shopping carts or my stroller; Playing Peek-a-boo; Dancing and playing my piano; Going with Mama in the car to drop off Daddy at Big Work; Splashing all the water out of my bathtub; Reading stories with Daddy at bedtime; Snuggling and nursing to sleep with Mama in the Little Big Bed; Finding alternative nursing positions; Trying to figure out how to run around the living room and nurse at the same time; Shocking my parents when they realize how many words I recognize now; Whining when I don't get my own way; Laughing so hard that I get hiccups and have to nurse to get rid of them; Burying my head in Mama's chest when I feel shy.

Interests: How electric cords work; the contents of the bathroom cabinets; tasting new foods like ~~vegetables~~ birthday cake; the funny noises Mama makes when my poopy diapers leak everywhere; psychological experiments of all kinds on my parents, like measuring their frustration levels when I'm doing something really cute and they grab their cameras and I stop; pulling on Daddy's leg hair to find out just where the borderline of "too hard" is; knocking on Daddy's bedroom door when he's asleep to see if I can get him to wake up; watching bigger kids play (they can walk around without holding on!?!?); putting things in my mouth (especially shiny things like Mama's necklaces); playing with my new sippy cup (Daddy took the valve out so I could drink the water easier, and now I can spray water all over the carpet! It's like a combination of bathing and nursing, my two favorite things at once!)

Favorite toys: Junk mail envelopes; Mama's keys; the Remote Control; plastic containers; plastic bags; grown-up books and papers; Mama's calculator; pens and markers; fake credit cards that I'm allowed to play with; plus occasionally all the actual toys that people spent money on for me

Favorite books: I like all my story books a lot. :-) I can even read them upside down!

Favorite movies/ TV: I just watch whatever Mama and Daddy are watching. Mama tends to watch shows where someone is having a baby, decorating a house, or picking out a new outfit. Daddy tends to watch shows where things blow up a lot. I just like to run around Exploring while they're distracted by the TV.

What else?? I guess I could tell you a lot more, but the grown-ups want the computer back, so I'll just show you one more picture.

Hey! Text me sometime!

Love, Madelaine

On a beautiful autumn day, our hearts rejoice!

2008-09-24T10:33:00.003-04:00

Heh, I should go into the greeting card industry... sorry about that...

I just wanted you to all know that I have cinnamon vanilla coffee and pumpkin fritter bread for breakfast! Yum! (Well, technically the coffee is half-generic-decaf, half-cheap-brand cinnamon, with vanilla syrup. I bought this big bottle of vanilla syrup that I thought would last a long time, and it's disappearing surprisingly fast. I think Someone around here must be drinking a lot of coffee. Probably Madelaine...)

Speaking of the Small Human, here's a short movie of her playing with her Glow Worm- she can now press the button to make it play songs! Excuse the poor camera-handling. Technical shortcomings can be overlooked in light of the fact that there is about 1.2 seconds of authentic baby dancing in here, no? Also, some blinding Smiles...

Have a beautiful day!
Neb

Ha ha! After everyone gives up on actually checking this blog, I post!

2008-09-23T12:51:00.004-04:00

Hey y'all!

You know what gets in the way of me posting on here? My OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE PERFECTIONIST tendencies. (We've discussed this before, right?) It's not as if I haven't posted on here before about this, but, you know, it always chases me... See, I want to write Perfect Posts, complete with carefully edited and captioned Pictures, and that's Hard. So I just don't post at all! Isn't that sad? Well, today, I'm breaking the bad habit.

So what's new with you folks? What's new with US, you say? Well, we just got back from baby story time at the library, where my little person stared, bewildered, for the first 10 minutes or so, snuggled in mommy's lap, and then when the Library Lady read a story about a farm, there was wide-eyed, open-mouthed beaming. It was just way too cute.

Here's what I REALLY want to blog about today:

*NEB: On the Economy! (A Rare Topic for her!)*

I don't know about you guys, but the recent headlines are making me a little... well... nervous. What's all this about the Zillion Million Dollars that the government is using to "bail out" the Big Financial Companies? (What is a "financial company," anyway? If they're not tutoring math or selling something tangible like potholders [or, even better- Baked Goods!], I don't really understand the point of their existence...?) I haven't yet found a good article written for Lay People (read: people like Neb, people whose understanding of "the economy" consists of managing her husband's paycheck, paying rent, buying groceries, and shopping for Baby Clothes online) that explains what's really going on here. Reading sites like cnn.com, I just have this impression of our economy as this giant, teetering skyscraper made of straw and glass, ready to fall and shatter if the wind blows a little too hard for a second...

Maybe now is a good time to not have a whole lot of savings (and only a moderate amount of debt.) If you don't have much to lose, you don't have much to worry about, right? I guess I just wish I had more information- like, what is likely to happen if The Big Bailout goes through? And what will happen if it doesn't?

I'll just be over here hanging on to my little bit of the skyscaper, hoping the boat doesn't go down, cause I can't swim... (wait, we're in the water now?)

Neb! (The Imperfect Blogger)

It doesn't get much better than this...

2008-08-08T22:31:00.002-04:00

Happy Birthday, little angel!!!

:-) Love, Mama

You know you're getting elderly/ absent minded when...

2008-08-07T20:30:00.003-04:00

...your spouse suggests putting The Clapper* on your coffee cup.

*I just looked it up- The Clapper apparently just turns things on and off; it doesn't actually beep to locate things.

A new outfit (more to come later!)

2008-08-01T21:32:00.003-04:00

So... is this an "outfit"??

Love, Neb

I think I will stay up late drinking coffee and then set the alarm clock for 7:45 to go "running"...

2008-07-30T09:25:00.003-04:00

Yeah, right.

Here in the Nebiverse, we are trying to work on our Healthy Habits (yes, I sound like a government propaganda poster, bear with me), like Exercising. You know. Physical Activity. So I realized our apartment complex is at the end of this lovely tree-lined avenue, that it provides a perfect 1.3 mile stretch of up and downhill for me to push the stroller with the child and go "running."* (That's a 2.6 mile roundtrip, you know. And it takes me about 50 minutes. Which is around 20 minutes per mile or 3 miles an hour [never say I don't help you folks out with your arithmetic!!] Which I would say is kind of slow, except that I'm pushing 40 lbs of child and stroller and a good part of it's UPHILL.**) (Am I the only person who does mental math while exercising to fight off the mind-numbing boringness of it all?)

*It is only fair to disclose to you that the Nebiverse definition of "running" is not, you know, actually RUNNING, it's more like "I will attempt to walk briskly and if all the planets line up right and my heart soars with the wonder of being alive and I've struck the perfect balance of coffee and rehydrating fluids (but don't need to pee) and food (but not overly full) and sleep then I might, MIGHT spontaneously break into a slow jog, experiencing the joy of feeling parts of me jiggle that aren't supposed to jiggle (high on endorphins, I will tell myself, "YEAH! If I keep this up, they will JIGGLE RIGHT OFF!!, but low on endorphins I will pity the people in the cars passing by...), which will last for a minute or two, until I start to feel winded or the sidewalk starts going uphill or the number of passing cars overwhelms me. Then I realize that when I walk uphill on the Big Hill coming home, I get way more out of breath then when I jog. Which possibly means that my "running" does not actually accomplish that much.

**I mean, part of it is downhill, too. The parts that are uphill on the reverse journey are downhill going the other way. Funny how that works. But I asked Nate, who Knows Everything, and he said that a path with uphill and downhill burns more calories than a flat path even if the ups and downs cancel each other out so that your starting elevation is equal to your ending elevation [wait a second- that's inevitable if you want to go home, isn't it?] ***) In other words, maybe downhill is less of a workout than flat ground, but uphill is so much MORE of a workout than flat ground that it more than balances out.

***This so reminds me of countour integrals, the Mystique of Complex Analysis. Just about all I got out of it at Wheaton was, if you go around in a circle and there's nothing Interesting happening on the inside (Interesting = a Singularity, a point where the derivative fails to exist) then the answer will always be zero. Of course, the rules are more complicated when there IS a singularity inside, and now I'm remembering Professor King saying how absolutely amazing it was that the value of a contour integral could be determined by what was happening INSIDE the countour, and I realized he was right. I had never thought of it that way before. He said something about, "Lay out the New York Times in a circle around a stadium..." I can't remember the rest of it, quite.

So what does it say about my personality that most of my writing is in parentheses or fine print? If you can analyse character through handwriting, surely you can do it through blogging, too, right?

I hope you realize that I have made the normal print on this post larger instead of making the footnotes smaller, in deference to the large percentage of my reading public**** who have middle-aged eyes.

****Love you mom, dad, and Judy. ;-)

My chicken is fussing, so I must go!

Love, Neb/dp

Pictures of Madelaine's New Room!

2008-07-26T11:23:00.004-04:00

I always wanted to make a nursery for my baby... :-)

This rocker we got free from Paul and Sara- it had sort of a beige fabric with an abstract print (from the early 90's...?) I bought this blue checked fabric at Walmart a long time ago just because it was cheap and cute, so now it's been put to good use (I pinned instead of sewing... cause I'm lazy that way...) The flower panel draped over the back is actually the valence for her window, once Nate gets around to installing the curtain rod, but for now, I kind of like it draped over the chair- it sort of ties everything together.

I found this quilt set at Walmart and really liked it- feminine, cute, and with lots of colors to make it easy to accessorize. Yes, I have quilt blocks in my closet that I could make into a quilt (and curtains and pillows and so forth...) but I actually wanted my kid to have a nice bedroom before she turns 18, and all my sewing projects are highly backlogged. The quilt blocks in the closet will make a great wall hanging at some point. (See what a realist I've become???)

This table was a gift from my parents- a little red table that my dad had loved as a kid. I asked his permission to paint it white, and he graciously agreed. The wooden decorative pieces are from the Walmart craft department (just taped on for now, until I figure out the best way to glue them on so that later they could still be removed without damaging the talbe.)

This dresser was FREE from the people who moved out of another apartment in our building!! It came with a matching nightstand, which just so happens to match OUR furniture set (how cool is that...??) so we put it in our room. I was seriously planning to buy a nice wooden dresser for her room, and this was PERFECT. (Some minor cosmetic problems- scratches, a missing knob, no big deal.) What a blessing!!

I bought this for her at PA Festival of the Arts. Someday she'll understand what it means.

Love, Neb

Things I love about State College

2008-07-22T23:04:00.002-04:00

I love our new apartment. It has so much more space, and we are so much better organized! Pictures soon...

I love the campus of Penn State. Lovely architecture, beautiful tree-lined neighborhoods. A bike/walking/bus friendly community. Fantastic public library downtown. Pretty good climate (some cool summer days, although still rather humid.) Artsy stuff (like PA Festival of the Arts, which should get its own post...) Mountains.

I miss my friends in the Lehigh Valley.

11:38 pm, time for bed...

Love, Neb

The Nebiverse still tracks its starry path through the sky...

2008-07-21T22:03:00.002-04:00

...illuminating the beloved, both far and near.

Hello peoples!

I have not posted in over a month.

We have moved!

I really MUST express my sincerest thanks to all of you who did so much to help our move go so smoothly. Thanks to everyone who packed boxes, cleaned, sweated, carried heavy things, and generally did anything and everything to help us out. You are all the best!!

[And now my child is melting down, so it is time for bed. So I will close this little bitty entry with a picture of my adorable offspring.]

Love, Neb

High on Caffeine and Gas Prices and Finitely Generated Sentimentality and Melodrama

2008-06-17T14:36:00.004-04:00

Greetings, loyal Nebiverse fans!!

This morning I got a "medium" Hazelnut iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts, and it is MAKING ME SLIGHTLY "ALERT"/HYPER/JITTERY/did I mention HYPER. (!!) I went to visit my good friends/ex-coworkers (those are more or less the same people) at LCCC, and stopped at DD on the way there to bring in ~~a dozen~~ 11 donuts as a thank-you for all the sugary carbohydrates I consumed there over the years. The egg breakfast sandwich was only 99 cents with a medium coffee; otherwise I would have gotten a small. And it was so COLD and HAZELNUTTY and DELICIOUS (and, apparently, full of caffeine or crack cocaine or meth or something. Whee! AAuugghh.)

It is hard to say goodbye to the Lehigh Valley. We are moving to State College, PA in less than two weeks (LESS THAN TWO WEEKS OH GOOD GRACIOUS SHOULD I BE PACKING? Hmmm...) and I am systematically (?) trying to Say Goodbye to all the friends we have made in this place. This morning I saw Ed and Stacey and Michelle, but not Jason or Fred or Lisa or Sukaina. I said goodbye to the Pond of Tranquility at LCCC. Here are some pictures from the mountaintop parking lot:

Pictures can't let you breathe in the air, though.

I took a detour coming home and got a little lost for awhile, drove through the fields and country homes with big yards. I will miss those drives.

Time to go outside for awhile and enjoy the cool summer air.

Love,
Neb

Yes, I still exist!!

2008-06-07T19:53:00.003-04:00

It's about time to update this-here blog, isn't it? Posting has been light the past couple of months, ever since April's "I-will-post-every-day-and-number-down" series while I was at my parents' house (no, I didn't explain what the numbers were at the time... I was hoping to add to the Aura of Mystery. What do you mean, it didn't work??)

Today it is Hot here in the Lehigh Valley, hitting a high of around 94 degrees (and very humid). To beat the heat, I took the Chicken in her new stroller to wander around Linens-N-Things and Babies-R-Us (what's with the middle initial contraction phenomenon? Does it have marketing appeal like spelling words like "town" and "shop" with extraneous letters at the end?) So far I am quite pleased with the new stroller- with the one exception that the wheels seem not QUITE as smooth as they should be. I read somewhere that bits of dirt can get between the wheel and the... uh... bearing?, causing decreased performance. Overall it was a great value for the price, though, with the taller handle (for Nate), deep recline (she napped soundly in the store today), and the portability (lightweight, and with the carry strap I can go up and downstairs pretty easily while carrying the baby and diaper bag as well.) Even thought it's not a one-handed fold design, it's still easy enough that I can fold it while holding the baby. So I'm glad I picked it out. (It came quickly too- wasn't supposed to be here until much later!!) :-)

Anyway, Linens-n-Things was a bust- they're going out of business, so you would expect good deals, right? They have the man out on the street holding the going-out-of-business signs, the millions of bankruptcy signs hanging from the ceiling... BUT, most of their merchandise was 10% off! That's not 10% in addition to regular sale prices... and usually you can find a lot of stuff 25% or 50% off sticker price. Also they weren't accepting coupons anymore! (They used to take Bed Bath and Beyond's coupons... even expired ones!) So no new sheets for us. At BRUS we got the Touch-and-Tickle Rounds and a Boppy Changing Pad Set (same fabric as my Boppy nursing pillow slipcover. Matching is Important, you know.) ;-)

We're moving June 28th, and while I get rid of things we won't be moving with, I'm shopping for new stuff we need. ("Need.") On the list: A new sofa and chair or loveseat; new table (preferably with leaf) and 4 or 6 chairs (my inner geometrer likes the idea of a square or circle table that becomes a rectangle or oval with leaf); a full-size bed (for second bedroom, for Madelaine to sleep on); a dresser and possibly changing table (I like cherry; sleigh style?). It seems like I go through phases of Retail Euphoria, and I'm in a shopping and bargain hunting mode right now. Also, shopping online is easier than doing things like cleaning out the bathroom cabinets in preparation to move...

I should wrap this up- hoping to do a post for the Chicken's ten-month birthday tomorrow, but we'll see- here's a couple of pictures, in closing.

Love, Neb

Stroller!!

2008-05-20T21:07:00.002-04:00

After approximately 217,543 hours spent online doing Stroller Research, I have finally settled on a stroller!!!

*Introducing The Combi Helio DX in Mandarin/Ember:*

Product Description
The Combi Helio is a lightweight 13.4 lb. stroller and can accommodate up to 55 lbs.

Taller Handle
Wider seating area
Compatible with Shuttle Infant Seat
Quick and simple tri-fold
Lightweight and portable lifestyle stroller
Opens easily with one hand
Deep recline will accommodate an infant
Adjustable European Style Canopy with Viewing Window
Basket with easy access
Convenient carrying strap for traveling
Removable Guardrail with Washable Fabric Cover
Front swivel wheels for easy maneuvering
Convenient footrest for toddler comfort
Removable, Washable Padded Seat Cushion
Seat cushion has air mesh ventilation that allows baby to stay cool
Independent wheel suspension system for a smooth and restful ride
Includes Safety Boot
5-point logo harness
Removable kids tray with a cup holder and snack tray

I was originally planning to get the Flex, which has a much better sun shade, more cushiony fabric, and a one-hand fold design (although it only folds flat with one hand, and won't lock that way; to do the tri-fold and actually lock it you need two hands anyway). But the Flex wasn't available anywhere that I could find cheaper than $180, while the Helio was a steal on amazon at $91 including shipping. I'll probably buy a shade extender to snap on it. Only downside- I'll have to wait 1-2 months for delivery. But at least I can FINALLY cross "Find the Perfect Stroller" off my to do list...

Love, Neb

May Garden

2008-05-18T20:51:00.003-04:00

For Mother's Day this year, I told Nate I'd much rather have flowers for the containers on our balcony than a short-lived fresh cut bouquet. My container garden is a splurge, a treat I haven't indulged in every year, sometimes allowing the green tubs of dirt to lie ugly and barren for the summer. I think often of starving children in the world, then think of the perfume poured on Jesus' feet, of the rich transrational joy of living in this world of pain and hunger and beauty and sunlight reflecting off spring rain.

My flowers tend to be short-lived, suffering under the hands of a the brownest thumb in Pennsylvania. Sitting with them on our balcony, keeping them company during their fleeting lives makes me remember to cherish the moments that slip away all too quickly.

Love, Neb

Fixed Already?!?

2008-04-26T10:36:00.004-04:00

Well, the Verizon Customer Service Robot (yes, a literal robot*- not outsourced overly polite person around the world) promised our problem would be fixed by Monday, 6 pm- but here I am online already!! We had a good dial tone this morning, so perhaps they came late yesterday afternoon or something. Or maybe this is just a fluke, and it will die again, but I will enjoy a little online time while it lasts...

*I know, I know, it probably wasn't actually a robot, more of a computer. Let me have my fun imagining an R2-D2 like creature happily coaching me to repeat phrases like "there's a problem with that" or "that'll be fine." Such images bring a certain degree of levity to an otherwise dull and tedious situation.

We are moving to State College, PA at the end of June (?) because Nate accepted a postdoc job at Penn State. Yay!!!!! A job!! It's been a long search. I am very Pleased. Time to look for housing: Wish list:

*Two bedrooms, Living room, dining room, kitchen, 1 bathroom, ample closet space
*Balcony or patio or deck of some kind
*Dishwasher, gas stove
*Air conditioning
*Ideally, no more than $800/month, including heat

If anyone enjoys searching for such things and finds The Perfect Rental for us, let me know.

Happy Saturday!
Love, Neb

Disconnected!!

2008-04-25T21:44:00.002-04:00

Attention, Nebiverse Fans!

We regret to inform you that the Nebicommunication Network is temporarily Out of Order due to Circumstances Beyond Our Control. (No phone! No internet! Great weeping.)

We shall return as soon as possible. (Hopefully Monday.)

Neb!

(using kind friends' computer to send this)

5 Fake Post!!

2008-04-17T02:58:00.001-04:00

It's 3 in the morning. The Vermont Maple Syrup Cheesecake is now in the fridge, cooling.

I would like to go to bed!!

Love, Neb ;-)

6 Our Trip to Montreal

2008-04-15T23:59:00.004-04:00

Nate has a job offer in Montreal. After a year or so of looking, a real, honest-to-goodness JOB OFFER. :-)

Last Monday we packed our bags and headed North, for a quick visit so he could meet his potential employer. We decided fairly last minute when we would be leaving, so Monday morning I was poking around on the internet looking at hotels, and Nate suggested priceline.com's "Name Your Own Price" offer. Now you have to understand something- overall I am not too much into "luxury" things. If you gave me a gift certificate for a day spa, I wouldn't know what to do with it. But I do like a nice hotel room. My inner cheapskate (who pretty much runs my financial life) won't allow anything above Motel 6 on a regular basis, but I figured, hey, why not try this name your own price thing? So I said that I wanted to stay in a 3-star hotel for $60 a night, thinking nothing would come of it.

And then priceline told me that they would put us here for $60 a night [normally $140!!], and I thought I had died and gone to Heaven.

Then I found out it had an indoor heated pool.

We started packing:

This is The Chicken in her carrying case.

We left around 2, I believe, and stopped several times along the way (little Chickens will do that to your driving habits, you know.) Nate and I both got hungry someplace in the wastelands of upstate New York (why is New York the only state I've ever heard of with an "up" part? No one talks about "upstate" Pennsylvania...), so I talked Nate into pulling off at an exit that advertised Food. Once we had exited, the signs happily announced food in either direction- only 4 miles! Ha. We drove for a little while and came to a... "town"? Does a small collection of houses, all asleep for the night, and one or two random industrial facilities comprise a Town? There was no McDonalds in sight, and in the true spirit of roadtrip joviality, I pestered my husband for a few minutes about the impossibility of an American community subsisting without a McDonalds, and how surely, there must be one... just around the next corner... after all, the signs DID promise food. He didn't share my optimism, however, so eventually we decided to return to the interstate and keep trucking. Note to self: 2 1/2 hours of Route 87 in NY have very little in the way of "facilities." Be prepared!

Eventually dinner was at Friendly's in Plattsburgh, NY, home of SUNY Plattsburgh, the usual assortment of chain retail facilities one finds in a college town, and not much else. Nate and I chowed down on some tasty hamburgers and ice cream, while Madelaine enjoyed a spoon (and the adoring attention of our waitress):

We crossed the Canadian border without incident and arrived in Quebec: home of seagulls, old snow, and hard-to-interpret pictorial road signs. We decided the picture of an open tin can and the judge's hammer coming down could only mean one thing: Tin cans must remain FIRMLY SEALED at all times in Quebec.

Upon arriving in Montreal, we promptly got lost. EXCUSE ME. My husband has never gotten... uh... The L Word. Rather, he was "exploring in a creative and nonlinear fashion an alternatively distanced route to our destination." We did get the chance to drive through a very nice suburb with some brick houses of varying architectural styles, which was the only non-downtown area I got to see while in the city. Upon arriving at our hotel, we were greeted by valet parking, warm chocolate chip cookies, and THESE fabulous looking beds:

And, yes- they were as comfortable as they look!

The next morning, Nate's potential employer picked him up so as to go visit the research center and things, and I stayed with the Chicken. The first order of business of the day was to find some Food- at home I normally eat breakfast first thing, but we didn't want to try to bring food across the border (too many rules! too much hassle to figure out!) So we had nothing in our room (except coffee; a blessing). The room service breakfasts were insanely expensive (disadvantage of Fancy Hotel: they assume you can afford to buy breakfast and thus don't serve free donuts in the lobby), so I decided to go downstairs to the restaurant to see if there was something little I could get "to go" back to my room. With the baby I realized it would be easier to just sit at a table, though, so I ended up ordering a lovely delicious breakfast that cost quite more than I'd care to think. Thankfully during this time, the baby's morning poop did NOT leak out of her diaper- because I'd left her diaper bag in our room, and I do not know how I would have coped with a blowout in such a fancy/ non-child-oriented area. (Everyone else there was a French-speaking adult in trendy clothes.)

After brunch we returned to our room, and the Chicken nursed to sleep for a nap while I tidied up a bit and checked out some local TV and a magazine featuring Montreal attractions. Right away I scoped out the Montreal Museum of Fine Arts: Free admission! On the same street as our hotel! (though a mile or two away). When Nate came back, he agreed we could go, so we set off to find the Metro station for a short subway trip. This turned out to be (to me) one of the most intimidating parts of the visit. I'm so glad Nate was with me. I don't know about you, but to me, learning to navigate public transportation in a new city is usually a mildly stressful event (and this is true even after using the systems in Chicago, Atlanta, DC, Houston, New York, etc.) But learning to use the public transit system when all the signs are in another language ranks up there as a Very Difficult Event, for me anyway. We were in the main Metro system downtown, and I think there was more than one train system going through the building (maybe longer distance commuter trains as well as local subway trains?). Also, the whole thing wasn't handicap accessible, and we had Madelaine's big stroller to wrestle around. Eventually we bought two tickets from a man at a booth, wrangled our way through some turnstiles, and boarded the correct train. We eventually arrived at the museum fairly late in the day, just about an hour before closing, but still had a nice time poking around the second floor of (what I think was) the smaller of the two buildings:(The other building, across the street, with the bookstore, which we also visited)

Here's Madelaine (on her 8 month birthday), enjoying her first museum visit:
Okay, it's getting late, so I'd better wrap this entry up. Hmmm... we ate dinner at a quirky little place near our hotel advertising an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet for 7.99; the buffet turned out to be rather meager, but the menu also featured fillet mignon. It had more than the usual sense of "atmosphere," too (or I guess the term I'm looking for is "ambience":

After dinner we bought some lovely pastries at the bakery next door. The next morning, we checked out and left for home.

A few more pictures for your enjoyment:

The view from our hotel room

If we end up moving here, it will be quite the adventure.

Love, Neb

Erratum

2008-04-15T22:29:00.003-04:00

I remembered today that I forgot to include a connecting paragraph in the post below to explain that I don't know how to explain the connection between the Definition of Topology and the Donut/Coffee Cup idea on the island.

Maybe I dropped out of grad school too soon.

7. Topological Ethics

2008-04-14T09:47:00.004-04:00

Yesterday I was thinking about car insurance. You see, we might be moving to Montreal in a few weeks, and we have discussed the possibility of maintaining the lease on our apartment here so as to keep our address available to be used for things like car registration and insurance. I have certain misgivings about this arrangement- because generally they want to give you a quote based on "where your car is garaged at night" or some such phrase. (We have checked, and our car insurance company doesn't provide coverage for residents of Canada- although we are covered when visiting Canada.) I believe in being honest and Following the Rules in life in almost every area- for example, I've paid hundreds of dollars in taxes on my private tutoring money, when most everyone I know told me "You're crazy- the government has no record of your private tutoring- just don't report it." But there are a few things, like speeding and listening to copies of copywrited CD's, that I let myself get away with. I can be a champion Rationalizer- a real danger for conscientious living, indeed- but I had a mathematically euphoric moment yesterday when I realized that

Okay, back up for a second. Back to the insurance. This is what I've been thinking: If we were only going to visit Montreal for one week, we could keep PA insurance, no problems. Well, how about a month? Even if we rented an apartment in Montreal for a month, that wouldn't really matter. It would still be like a Visit. Well, how about a month and a day? Or two months? You see where I'm going with this. How about if we were itinerant mathematicians (or musicians, or ventriloquists... you get the idea.) What would be our "address" for insurance purposes, then?

So what I realized in my mathematically euphoric moment is that my rationalization scheme (in this particular case, at least) is really what Nate (an ardent amateur philophilosophist*) would call a "line-drawing fallacy," but what I would think of as a- for lack of a ~~better~~ more professional term- DEFORMATION EQUIVALENCE CLASS ANALYSIS of ETHICAL DILEMMAS.

What does this have to do with Topology, you may wonder?

(*This is arguably the most redundant phrase ever to appear on the Nebiverse. I basically just said that he's a lovingly loving lover of knowledge.)

**********************************************************************************
Definition: Let X be a set. A Topology T on the set X is a collection of subsets of X that satisfies the following properties:
1) The empty set is in T.
2) Any finite intersection of sets in T is again in T.
3) Any arbitrary union of sets in T is again in T. ("Arbitrary" here means it can be the union of finitely many or infinitely many sets.)

Definition: Let X be a set with a topology T. Any set that is in T is called an "open" set.
Definition: A set is "closed" if its complement is "open."

As a good example, think of X as being the real numbers; the "standard" topology on the reals is defined as follows: Let S be a set of real numbers. S is an "open" set if, for every x in S, there exists a number y greater than 0 such that the interval (x-y, x+y) is contained in S.

The empty set and the whole set are both open and closed.
Many sets are neither open nor closed.

********************************************************************************

And from all this, mathematicians launch Topology. [The above was Page 1 of The Topology Textbook in Neb's Head, by the way. Did I get anything major wrong? It's late and I'm sleepy. Erratum should be reported to the management in the morning, with kindness and charity and coffee and some soft words, please. Thanks much. Also, a morning paper would be nice.] And the most popular Tourist Attraction in Topology is the quaint little island where it is determined that

A Coffee Cup And A Donut Are Really The Same Thing!!

because one can be Deformed continuously into the other.

********************************************************************************

The car insurance company's Rule cannot be ~~upheld~~ held up, because it can be continuously deformed into Oblivion. A flat line. The Null Rule. Therefore, I am at Peace.

And now, very sleepy.

Good night!
Love, Neb

8. Dreams

2008-04-13T23:58:00.002-04:00

Last night, I dreamed about Darfur.

In the dream, I told someone "I don't know what it would be like to live in Darfur." And suddenly I was there, and the unbearable tension of living in silence and terror of imminent violence was quite a shock. There were snipers, and we were frozen, waiting for them to shoot. Then one of them was captured, and a good person had the opportunity to harm him. "I could cut off his hand," he thought. "I could stop him from killing again." But just like in the movies, the burden of the moral dilemma was relieved entirely as the bad guy got killed fair-and-square while trying to escape.

Violence figures predominantly in my dreams. It is like the black-and-white photographic inverse of my life, a life varying in sanguine shades from rather mundane pleasantries to rollicking jovialities, pleasures like tonight's birthday celebration in the home of lovely friends and their family members. My real life is cake and ice cream and sunshine, which apparently encourages my subconscious to cook up a variety of stressful, bizarre, and occasionally gruesome nighttime entertainments in counterpoint. These dreams almost never bother me, though. I can't recall the last time I actually woke up frightened, or failed to manage to get up in the morning and shrug it off and drink some coffee. Often, too, I suppose, they aren't nearly as gory or traumatic as last night's episode, but just wildly quixotic escapades of mind and matter. We all dream of flying, I know, or forgetting to wear pants to school or missing our final exams. But the things I dream of just make me shake my head.

I am thankful for my daily life of flowers, for rainbows, for the tranquil daydreams that are my real life.

I don't know what it would be like to live in Darfur.

Minor disaster!

2008-03-27T21:00:00.005-04:00

Can any of you correctly identify the above object? Photo quality isn't great, as I don't know how to photograph such a small item (yes, that's a hint.)

Here it is in "autobalance" (my husband, the expert-amateur photographer, is shuddering by now)-

Correct one to guess gets A Prize*.

Love, Neb

*The Management does not intend to imply in any way that such prize consists of an item or items of financial or monetary or material value, intellectual or psychological or emotional merit, or otherwise goods or services of any form of value whatsoever, tangible or abstract.

A good reason to wake up every morning...

2008-03-25T21:08:00.001-04:00

Happy Easter!

2008-03-23T22:04:00.001-04:00

Diagnosis

2008-03-10T23:32:00.000-04:00

"Diagnosis" isn't a good word, is it? Neither is "rare birth defect" or "syndrome." But before I freak you all out, I should tell you that the diagnosis we got at Madelaine's opthamologist appointment last week- Duane's Syndrome II, a rare birth defect- actually isn't all that bad.

So, to back up, at her four month pediatrician visit, the nurse practitioner noticed that her right eye seemed to be turning outward, and said she would check again at six months. We took her for her six month appointment a couple of weeks ago, and the n.p. again noticed an eye turn. So we scheduled an appointment with one of the few pediatric opthamologists in the Lehigh Valley, a doctor with a really good reputation, and took her in last Monday.

Are you wondering how the vision of a 7-month-old can be tested? Yeah, I wondered that before her appointment too- and found it surprisingly hard to find that information on the net (although I eventually found some info.) Basically he pulled out a few toys and watched how she tracked them, then tried to hold her head still while she tracked them (which freaked her out and made her start writhing and screaming- so I don't know how he could really tell anything that way. I guess he's very experienced at noticing subtleties.) He also put dilating drops in her eyes and looked at them through some special lenses, and was able to determine that way that she had a slight astigmatism in both eyes, but not bad enough to need glasses yet. (Yes, they can put glasses on a baby.)

So the conclusion is that she does indeed have a form of strabismus (which is the medical term for an eye turning); but it is almost certainly not the intermittant exetropia that I thought she had (which would mean right eye drifting outwards occasionally.) He is pretty sure she has what's called Duane's Syndrome, Type II. I had never heard of that before, so of course when I got home I did what most 21st century parents do- I got a second opinion from Dr. Google. It was actually really hard to get good information without a lot of technical jargon. Here's a sample paragraph from the first result when you google "Duane's Syndrome."

DS is a congenital ocular motility disorder characterized by limited abduction and/or limited adduction. The palpebral fissure narrows (ie, the globe retracts) on attempted adduction. Upward or downward deviation may occur with attempted adduction because of a leash effect. Often associated with this condition is a tether phenomenon consisting of overelevation, overdepression, or both during adduction as the retracted globe escapes from its horizontal rectus restrictions. It is a condition of aberrant innervation that results in co-contraction of the medial and lateral recti in the affected eye. Therefore, DS can be considered to be congenital miswiring of the medial and the lateral rectus muscles such that globe retraction occurs on adduction.

Helpful, isn't it? Let me try to give you something a little easier to process (This was written by the mom of a kid with Duane's):

Put more simply, Duane's Syndrome is a type of strabismus (misalignment
of the eyes). Duane's is a disorder with which a person is born. It
includes several parts. Often the most noticeable feature is a limit in
the horizontal movement of the eye. One or both eyes may not be able to
move all the way outward towards the ear (abduction) or all the way
inward towards the nose (adduction).

There can also be a "narrowing of the palpebral fissure". This means
that the eyelid may close partially and the eye appears smaller. There
can also be "retraction of the globe," which means that the eye pulls
back into the socket. Last, there can be an "elevation or depression" also
called an upshoot or downshoot. In some cases, when the eye attempts
to look inward towards the nose it moves upward or downward.

These features vary in severity or visibility depending on the case of
Duane's. You may find that it is hard to see evidence of some of these
features in looking at the person you know with Duane's because Duane's
varies a great deal from one person to the next. The extent to which
these major features are present tends to remain about the same
throughout a person's lifetime.

There are three types of Duane's. The type does not indicate the
severity of the condition. Either one or both eyes may be affected. Even
within these types cases vary a great deal.

Type 1: Limitation or absence of abduction (outward horizontal movement
towards the ear). This is the most common type.
Type 2: Limitation or absence of adduction (inward horizontal movement
towards the nose).
Type 3: A combination type with limits in both inward and outward
movement.

So, the opthamologist is pretty sure that Madelaine has Type II Duane's in her right eye, so that her right eye's ability to turn inward to the nose is in some way compromised. It seems to us (based on photographs and what we see when we look at her eyes) that she DOES have full or almost full range of motion in her right eye moving towards her nose- it's just that on a regular basis, when she looks at something to her left, instead of moving her right eye towards her nose she turns her head.

What causes Duane's?

This is still something that is largely unknown. The cranial nerves and
ocular muscles develop early in pregnancy, between the 3rd and 8th
week. Researchers think Duane's results from a disturbance in normal
development of the embryo from genetic or environmental factors. As with any
condition, mothers often worry that there was something they could
have done to prevent the problem. However, people should be aware that the
causes of Duane's are unknown and that most women with children with
Duane's report they had healthy, uneventful pregnancies.

How frequent is Duane's Syndrome?

Duane's is a rare condition. Strabismus is relatively common with about
3 percent of children affected. Duane's Syndrome makes up
approximately 1-5 percent of all strabismus cases. In 80% of cases, only one eye is
affected. Duane's more often affects the left eye (60 percent left
eye, 20 percent right eye, 20 percent both) and is more common in
females(60 percent) than in males.

So here's a little number crunching: if there are 300,000,000 people in the US (is that about right?), there would be about 9,000,000 people with some form of strabismus (eye turn). So the number of people with some form of Duane's would be 90,000-450,000. Duane's Type II is the rarest form of Duane's, with only about 7% affected (according to several websites), so that would mean about 6,300 to 31,500 cases of Duane's II in the U.S. Only 20% of cases affect the right eye only (assuming that statistic is true of Duane's II and not just Duane's overall), so that would be 1,260 to 6,300 cases of right eye Duane's II in the U.S.

Our kid is special!

Duane's Syndrome is listed in the database of the National Organization for Rare Diseases.

From the technical paper I first mentioned:

In 70% of patients, DS is the only disorder the individual has. However, other conditions and syndromes have been associated with DS. These include malformation of the skeleton, ears, eyes, kidneys, and nervous system, as well as the following: Okihiro syndrome (an association of DS with forearm malformation and hearing loss), Wildervanck syndrome (fusion of neck vertebrae and hearing loss), Holt-Oram syndrome (abnormalities of the upper limbs and heart), and morning-glory syndrome (abnormalities of the optic disc or blind spot), and Goldenhar syndrome, (malformation of the jaw, cheek and ear, usually on 1 side of the face).

From the email from the mom again:

How does Duane's Syndrome affect a person's life?

Ophthalmologists and the medical literature describe the condition as
being mild. Duane's Syndrome shouldn't stop a person from normal life
functions like driving a car or reading a book. Duane's Syndrome
shouldn't stop a person from seeing well. The severity of Duane's does vary
case by case. Some adults who grew up with Duane's report they barely
noticed it; others say they were self conscious about their appearance or
felt clumsy.

Most people with Duane's can use their eyes together well and see well.
They may though have a smaller area where their eyes work together
(binocular field of vision). Doctors believe that when people with Duane's
experience double vision their brains learn to suppress it.

The features of Duane's described above do not tend to change a lot
over time. So parents do not need to worry that their child's Duane's will
suddenly worsen. For example, if the child doesn't seem to have
retraction, they are not likely to suddenly develop it. However, some things
associated with Duane's, such as eye misalignment or head posturing,
may worsen over time and should be monitored.

Treatment: The pediatric opthamologist said we should start patching Madelaine's "good" (left) eye 1-2 hours a day to prevent the development of lazy eye in her right eye; he said she might or might not need surgery down the road, depending on how things develop. We have a return appointment scheduled in June.

When is surgery needed?

Most people with Duane's do not need surgery. Surgery is generally
indicated to correct misalignment of the eyes especially if this
misalignment is causing problems with head positioning. About 30 percent of
people with Duane's Syndrome adopt head posture (also called face turn or
head turn) in order to align their eyes to see straight ahead. People
using this posturing turn their heads to the left or to the right in order
to get single vision looking straight ahead. (Note: this is distinct
from something that many people with Duane's often do which is turning
the whole head to see objects located off to the far right or far
left). In many people the face turn is small and doesn't cause problems.

This posturing can be useful, so children shouldn't be discouraged from
using head posturing. Larger head turns can be a cosmetic problem and
could cause problems with the spine and neck if left untreated for many
years. In these cases surgery may be considered. Surgery that better
aligns the eyes in the straight ahead position can help eliminate the
need for the head turn. Surgery is also done sometimes in cases with very
large retraction of the eye or cosmetically undesirable upshoots or
downshoots.

Horizontal muscle procedures (such as medial rectus recession or
lateral rectus recession) are the procedures often performed. These
procedures are often done in cases of strabismus and are outpatient procedures
done under general anesthesia. In these procedures muscles are detached
from the eye covering and resewn in a different place to improve eye
alignment. In many cases the head posturing can be reduced or eliminated.

The vertical muscle transposition is a procedure that is done less
often, but does offer promise for some cases of Duane's. In this procedure
the vertical pulling muscles continue to function vertically but are
moved to also take over some of the function of the horizontal muscles
and may in some cases actually improve outward movement (adduction). This
procedure is not available in all areas and often needs to be followed
up by some horizontal muscle surgery.

So far, the patching is going pretty well. She hasn't seemed to fight against it as much as I expected she might, which is good, although today she was trying to rub the patched eye a lot, so not sure what that was about. I think there could be developmental issues, though- what's okay when you're 7 months can suddenly become Not Okay at month 13 or 18 or something- but for now we're doing all right. As for surgery, if she does need it it won't be for awhile. There's a surgeon in California named Dr. Rosenbaum who is supposedly the world expert... would insurance cover it...? We'll see.

Alright, I've been working on this post way too long (as always), so I'll post it.

Love, NEB

PS A very VERY happy 28th birthday to my amazing husband. Love you, sweetie. ;-)

You've got to be kidding me!!!

2008-03-04T16:28:00.002-05:00

So today, after I posted the post below (yes, it's dated Feb. 17th, but I posted it TODAY, March 3rd), I logged into CNN.com and found this headline:

World's first six-legged octopus discovered

Henry the Hexapus

TOO CREEPY!!

Not all octopuses know that children have 8 legs!!

2008-02-17T19:03:00.003-05:00

The title is a quote from my sister-in-law! Yes, she is just that funny. (We were discussing the Distressing [distressing to me, anyway] fact that Madelaine's octopus board book only counts to the number 6...)

In no particular order:

*It took me a week to write the letter to Madelaine below. You may have noticed that it's dated the 7th, but wasn't published until the 14th. [Ed. note: it has taken me even longer to write this post here. Touche! [[What does "touche!" actually mean? I hear people say it all the time, but it's one of those words like "caveat" that, to me, just sounds impressive without actually having a definite meaning attached...]] ] It was a struggle all week to balance writing and doing the things I'm "supposed" to be doing with my time- dishes and laundry and paying bills and, of course, playing and taking care of the child who was the object of the story in the first place. This experience has made me realize that the thing I miss the most about my childless state (yes, even amidst all the joy, there are things to be missed) is the opportunity to wake up in the morning and drink some coffee and spend some absurd number of hours trying to write something ~~perfect~~ good. I love to Write. If I go too long without writing anything, I get antsy. For the record, I consider about 95% of what's on this blog to be complete drivel, and about 4% Good Writing, and 1% Really Good Writing. But that 1% is why I keep blogging.

I think Virginia Woolf once said something about "needing a room of one's own"...?

*The Amish! They are good with the baking, but maybe not so much with the math...? Suppose that a friend at church, a dear, head-covering-wearing, Mennonite-rooted friend gave you a Ziploc bag with an innocuously small lump of batter and some instructions on what to do with it. The instructions go something like this:

Day 1: Do nothing
Days 2-5: Mush the bag
Day 6: Add 1 cup each of flour, sugar, milk
Days 7-9: Mush the bag
Day 10: Add 1 1/2 cups each of flour, sugar, and milk. Scoop 1 cup of batter into each of 4 new Ziploc bags (these are new starters to give to your friends.) To the remaining batter add [a whole bunch of different ingredients.] Bake in two loaf pans.

What would you do? Would you bake with it? When I talked to Judy she was all like, "BEWARE THE AMISH FRIENDSHIP BREAD!! You'll end up going around the church parking lot and putting bags of starter into every unlocked car you can find!! You always end up throwing away a starter!!" And I was all like, "Nah, it can't be that bad- it looks like fun!"

So we dutifully "fed" our starter, and when the time came, Nate made the two loaves. They were tasty! And then we had 4 new starters. And... and then it was time to feed the four starters (we hadn't actually thought to give them away to people.) And I didn't want to feed all four starters, because that's a lot of flour and sugar and milk, and if we were going to keep all four then we would end up baking EIGHT loaves of bread in a few days and furthermore, we would have SIXTEEN new starters... So, we stuck two starters in the fridge, because Nate said that would just put them on hold (ie the yeast would just chill out for awhile and become active again later, or something.) So I fed the two starters. Then day 10 came last Wednesday. So I have the two starters, and I realize that if I feed them all the 1 1/2 cups of things, we'll have EIGHT new starters... which is still too many... so what to do?

[I ended up adding 1 1/2 cups of milk/sugar/flour to each one, and then from one bag I scooped out 2 cups of batter and threw it away, and made two new starters; from the other bag I just made 2 new starters, so that there were 2 extra cups of batter to work with, so I tried to estimate and adjust all the other ingredients accordingly.] But this isn't the point. The point is that...

1) We have a FREAKING LOT OF AMISH FRIENDSHIP BREAD. I don't think it will all get eaten. And 2) The Amish and their bread would be a lot more user-friendly if, instead of only offering a pro-multiplicative-reproduction instruction set, they also offered a more contemporary, population-control-friendly instruction set, with directions for how to END THE PROCESS, ALREADY. To wit**: give us ingredient lists for different numbers of starters that we want to make, ranging from 0 to 4. [Of course, the more mathematically competent among us, like my friend Judy, feel inclined to just MEASURE how much batter there is after scooping out the four new starters so as to calculate how to adjust the recipe to end the process.]

Are the Amish.... INSECURE about the status of starters in the world? I want to know. Perhaps I shall ask Wikipedia...

*So, a week or two ago I was browsing cnn.com and found a fluff piece linked from the December issue of O magazine (yeah, that's Oprah's magazine, which appears to mainly be about things like make-up and money management when I check its website. Hey, we can't all read Kafka all day. Cut me some slack.) The article was about "shortcuts to simplify your life," and along with the usual potpourri of random, marginally useful dicta guaranteed to make you happier and more successful and less afraid of clowns*** , I was surprised to read, "Build an Instant Home Library."

Huh?

The article suggests a few sites such as everymanslibrary.com that will sell you some inordinately large number of classics for an exorbitant amount of money; one example was the Penguin Classics Complete Collection, a voluminous body of 1,000 tomes for around $8,000. I have to ask- what kind of demographic does this appeal to? It's honestly rather hard for me to imagine that any true literary aficionado would enjoy receiving 1,000 titles at once. Can you imagine them arriving in the mail? Box after box of the world's literary treasures, all with identically designed covers, piled up in the hallway and waiting to be read. Wouldn't it be so... overwhelming? I feel tired just thinking about it. Personally I would much rather buy my books one at a time, as cheaply as possible (yes, you can get many used titles for under $8, even with shipping- including fantastic ex-library hardbacks!), in the order in which I'd like to read them. I also like my books to look DIFFERENT and UNIQUE, not like so many clones of each other.

After pondering for awhile, I finally figured out the type of people this offer would appeal to. Let me present them in the full glory of a mini-drama:

The Scene: Spencer and Bambi are moving into their brand new Supersized McMansion, complete with mile upon mile of built-in bookshelves in the "home library" [as distinct from the home office, the hobby room, the game room, and the media room.]

Bambi: "Ooh, honey. What ARE we going to put on all these shelves?? We only actually own 4 books, you know."
Spencer: "Well... how about my golf trophies?"
Bambi: "Well, sure, but those will only fill up one shelf. And then we have pictures of Buffy and Coco [their kids/ pets] that would look cute over here..."
Spencer: "Yeah- but we need a lot of those to go in the entrance hallway. Really, the only thing that's going to look right on these shelves is a lot of BOOKS."
Bambi: "Books are so hard to buy though. They're so heavy. Not like DVD's, you know. I mean, if I went to Barnes & Noble and filled up the back of the X5, it STILL wouldn't be enough to fill all these shelves. Plus we'd have to pay the movers extra to move them in!"
Spencer: "Hmmm. Hey, look at this- we can order 1,000 books at once and have them shipped directly here!"
Bambi: "Oooh- and they would all MATCH, too! I love it when things MATCH!"
Spencer: "And, who knows. Maybe it would help us... like, read more. As a family."
Bambi: "Yeah! Especially if the satellite dish ever goes out for a few minutes... we would need SOMEthing to do..."

Okay, finally FINALLY posting this thing...

:-D Love, NEB

**What does "to wit" actually mean? I have no idea. But it sounds cool. Thus, I am cool for using it, yes?
***This is a Significant Issue for Some People. Don't laugh.

Some Observations

2008-02-16T16:52:00.002-05:00

1) If you say to your friends at prayer meeting on a Sunday night, "We have been really blessed- Madelaine is six months old now and has never been sick," after hearing a prayer request that apparently most of the church is currently sick, then YES, you are asking for trouble.

2) Even if you follow up your statement by saying, "Wow, maybe I'm asking for trouble..." that will not cancel the fact that you are, indeed, asking for trouble. [She woke up coughing and sniffling Monday morning.]

3) Babies who have never had a cold before do not understand Proper Coughing Technique. Thus, they will frequently gag when they cough, leading to numerous vomiting episodes.

4) Babies who are sick like to nurse more. Preferably constantly.

5) 3) + 4) = More vomiting.

6) Since babies do not know how to properly deal with their Mucous*, what doesn't get thrown up must be processed by the stomach, but since they have immature digestive tracts, the stomach doesn't deal well with this, which leads to Even Runnier Than Usual Poop.

7) Runnier Poop means More Leaky Diapers.

8) We do not have a washer and dryer in our apartment. And although our child's wardrobe is extensive, it is, unfortunately, not Infinite. Nor is our collection of bedsheets. Or nursing bras.

9) 5) + 7) +8) = laundry crisis. I should have photographed Mount Laundry for you before we hauled it over to Judy's house yesterday. At least now we have clean baby clothes, sheets, mattress pad, etc. again. As for cleaning the car seat, the upholstered desk chair, the carpet, the carpet again, the bed skirt... well... Maybe we just won't think about it too much. It's too overwhelming.

10) We lost the bulb syringe (do you prefer the term "nasal aspirator"?) early in the week. We spent a really long time looking for it (not much else to do, cooped up in the house with a sick child.) It has not been found. Its replacement has been purchased from Stuff-Mart. [Those of you who are childless are now asking- what is a bulb syringe? Here, I will show you:]

You use this to suction out the baby's nose, because babies don't know how to blow their nose until... [when do kids learn to blow their nose, anyway...?] See 3) above.

11) It has been a challenging week. I feel sorry for my little chicken and hope she feels better soon. I feel sorry for Nate (who is also sniffling, and cleaning up vomit) and for myself (who has a sore throat, and is cleaning up vomit.) But I'm so thankful we live in a country with good healthcare and clean drinking water and plenty of food. :-) And hopefully, she'll be better soon!

Love,
Neb

Fun with Mr. Monkey

2008-02-15T11:02:00.004-05:00

Six Months!

2008-02-07T19:02:00.004-05:00

Dear Madelaine,

Tomorrow you will be six months old, and like probably every mother of every six-month-old out there, I look at you and wonder, Where has the time gone? I literally can't remember what life was like without you. I know that there was such a time- a time when it was just your daddy and me, living our child-free, care-free lives. But care-free means we didn't have you to care for and care about. And believe me, we had no idea what we were missing.

And even as I puzzle over where the time has gone, it seems so long ago that we brought you home from the hospital, scrawny and sleepy and ready to startle and flail at the slightest disruption. You were SO very tiny then, even smaller than most newborns, and it was such a relief when you really started nursing after a few days. For the first few months you seemed to grow at a nice steady pace, and then somehow, in the last couple of months, you've shot up like a little dandelion! Pretty soon you're going to be in size 9-12 month clothing, and as your baby wardrobe whizzes past, I'm making a mental note: next time I see a cute dress, buy it in size 3T: you'll get to wear it longer.

In every phase that you've gone through, I've wanted to sit here and write about your little quirks and habits, the nuanced details of your everyday life that only parents really get to see. Now at six months, I'm realizing that those very early days are already beginning to fade from my memory, and I question my decision to not keep an official baby book for you. Yet time spent blogging or writing in a baby book means less time playing and dancing and rejoicing with you, rejoicing in you. There's something to be said for abandoning the never-ending attempts to chronicle, analyze, and re-create life by writing about it. Sometimes you just have to stop writing about life, and Live it.

I remember in the first weeks of your life, that after nursing you would arch your back, your eyes closed and your face damp with the sweet sticky milk, and s-t-r-e-t-c-h your tiny arms and hands as far as possible. I kept trying to capture that pose in a picture, but I don't think we ever succeeded. You used to chew on your hand when you were hungry, and then I would have to persuade you that you couldn't chew on your hand and nurse at the same time. Any sudden noises would prompt you to throw your arms over your head- Daddy said it's a reflex that newborns have to protect their fragile heads from getting bumped. Don't worry, little one- we've got you tight.

From the very beginning, you loved to snuggle and be held, so I carried you in a sling all the time to keep you close by. You wouldn't sleep for very long anywhere other than my sling or our arms, until you were about four months, when I discovered that if I put you on your tummy to sleep (a BIG no-no in this decade), you could actually sleep for half an hour alone! Just in time, too- my back was really starting to hurt, and you didn't seem as comfortable in the sling anymore. At first I worried about SIDS, and would check on you every few minutes just to watch you breathe. Parenting is not a risk-free endeavor, I realized. Love never is. I'm much less concerned about SIDS now; but I still love to watch you sleep.

The first few weeks I was using my breastpump every day to make bottles for you at night, and I would put you in your swing while pumping. To keep you content I started singing hymns to you, and I really enjoyed the uncritical appreciation you showed for my voice- although I would suggest taking singing advice from your father. Hopefully this love of music will continue as you get older, and then we can talk about what kinds of music you like someday. Now you like to watch the visualizations on the computer while you listen to Classical with Daddy and Afro-Celtic jigs with Mama, and I like to watch your face while you watch and listen.

Speaking of your swing, for awhile it was one of your favorite activities, and you started this cute little habit of sticking your right foot out to tap the post with every swing. That, and kicking your "jingle bear" mobile, were two of the first things you did to start to interact more with your world.

Now the swing is too tame for you; it's all about the ExerSaucer, with its myriad toy possibilities. (Sadly, you can't reach most of them to put them in your mouth, so I have to give you your ring rattle to keep you appeased.) You can roll from your tummy to your back (once, and then not attempt any further movement) and sit up for several minutes at a time, which makes playing with your toys a whole lot easier. You have a great attention span for storybooks already, and I love to sit with you in the rocking chair in the afternoons and drink coffee and read to you. When we went to visit your grandparents at Christmas and in January, they enjoyed all your new skills and especially your wonderful little giggle.

In the last few weeks, we've noticed that you say something that sounds like "bless you" when you sneeze and that you (very courteously) hold onto both your feet when we change your diaper. When Daddy blows air onto your face, you stick out your tongue and gasp. You've switched from a pacifier to thumb-sucking in the past couple of months, and started this funny little habit of trying to stick your finger in your mouth while you nurse.

Ever since you've been born, Madelaine, I've noticed your tendency to almost hyperventilate with excitement when you play. It's as if the wonderful possibilities of life just can't unfold fast enough for you. Every day I love waking up with you and seeing your bright morning smile, the way you can't wait for a whole new day to begin. You are just about the only thing that can make even your Daddy smile in the mornings. And at naptime and nighttime when you grow sleepy and frustrated with your toys, I love scooping you up in my arms and saying "Let's snuggle and nurse to sleep in the Big Bed." I love seeing you learn and change every day, getting to know the great little person you are growing into. I can't wait to see what the next few months bring, as the world within your reach keeps expanding and you keep growing to keep up.

I could go on and on, darling, but I have to bring this to a close (before you turn 1!). Your babyhood is going by so fast, little love. Every day I think, "I want to hold this moment, this one right here, in my heart forever." When I was pregnant with you, I knew in my head how much I would love you, but I never could have dreamed what that love would feel like. I had no idea that there could be a love so big, so all-consuming and overpowering, that all the poopy diapers and fussy evenings in the world wouldn't even matter. There are days like today when I grow weary, when I don't know how to entertain you or deal with the everyday challenges of being a full-time mom. But even on days like today, I stop for a minute and look at your smile, look at the miracle God has given me, and I know I wouldn't trade this life, this calling to be your mommy, for anything in the world.

I love you, sweetheart. You will always be my little Chicken. ;-)

Love, Mama

I've found a solution!!

2008-01-31T21:00:00.000-05:00

Yeah, remember the minivan/SUV/car dilemma below? My dad reminded me of these babies:

Doesn't it look happy? Like it's smiling at us in a friendly kind of way? And check out the interior!

It's like a little 1950's Dinnette! Complete with black and white linoleum and everything! I want to live in the bus with my husband and all of our babies, driving around the country and homeschooling and growing our own beans in little pots in the backseat!! We could knit potholders and sell them for $1 apiece door to door to support ourselves!!* And maybe pass out Tracts, too!

Here's the amazing dashboard:

My favorite part is the ~~Stick of Death~~ Gear Shifter, ready to impale the (unseatbelted??) driver at the first fender bender, as the rest of the vehicle crumples like an aluminum can and those shiny metal dashboard pieces do their worst. And, no, the backseats DON'T have enough seatbelts for all 3 of the child seats we were originally looking for- but I figure we can either have seatbelts installed (as the seller on ebay motors suggested) or just use good old DUCT TAPE.

Next up for consideration, we have this beauty, with custom fractal paint job and everything!

[This one kind of makes me want to drive around Hawaii or Paris or Oklahoma or something, designing and selling Quilts.]

[Did I mention that when we lived in Mississippi when I was little, my parents had a VW bus that was blue with a rainbow painted on the side in all shades of... blue? They bought it used from a local pastor.]

Some models of the so-called "Vanagon" had special features- like this 1987 model with a pop-up top (is there a bed up there...? I think so , but it's hard to tell from the picture...)These guys have some cool camping features like little kitchenettes and beds! So awesome. I want to live in one. And by the way, is it just me, or does it look like the 70's models have "faces" reminiscent of a mellow, bell-bottomed, thick-mustached, banjo-strumming motorcycle mechanic, while the 80's models (like this one) look like a digital-watch-wearing, skinny-tied Asian engineering student...?

Then, there was the pick-up truck:
Good for traveling around town with your pony. Or pet goat. Or platypus.

Have a whole lot of kids, and like to catch the breeze when you drive? Try this "23 Window Samba Deluxe"!

Allright, I could go on and on, but I should go interact with my child...

Love, Neb

*I suppose this is sort of an Evangelical, far-less-lucrative version of "grow pot in pots in the backseat and sell it door to door," although when I first wrote it I wasn't thinking of that...

I apologize for the blurriness...

2008-01-31T10:31:00.001-05:00

... but someone finally got a picture of my child laughing!! (This was taken on a cell phone, in the Math Dept. at Lehigh.)

Also, the following conversation took place on our way to school yesterday:

[Background: In PA, kids under age 8/ eighty pounds have to be in a booster seat. We don't like the concepts of SUV's and minivans. SUV's are too trendy, and minivans are too cliched, and they're both way too expensive. (Well, those are my reasons- not sure about Nate's reasons.)]

Neb: "So... what kinds of cars can you get nowadays that actually hold 3 child seats?"
Nate: "None. Well, maybe only some luxury models. They don't make them anymore because people don't buy them."
Neb: "So if we have 3 children under the age of 8 at some point, which is likely to happen if we have more than 2 children... what are we going to drive?"
Nate: "We'll just leave one at home."
Neb: "Ha ha!"
[dramatic pause]
Nate: "You think I'm kidding?"

Cool!

2008-01-28T19:12:00.000-05:00

My husband pointed out that I am cited on Wikipedia.

Keyboard takeover!

2008-01-26T10:59:00.000-05:00

Hi! This is Madelaine. Mommy just kind of staggered into the kitchen mumbling something about "coffee" and "too early" and "aren't babies supposed to need more sleep...?" She says lots of words like that when we get up every morning, especially that "coffee" word. I think "coffee" is that stuff that smells kind of like my milk, only stronger. She explained to me that she has to drink coffee to make the good milk for me! So it's very important. She drinks a lot.

Do you know what's really funny? Grown-ups are funny. They say the weirdest things. When I was very little, everyone kept saying all the time, "She has so much hair!" But the thing was, most of them had a lot more hair than me! Their hair was a lot longer and everything! I wanted to say, "No, YOU have so much hair!" except I didn't know how to make all those words. The other thing they kept saying was, "She's SO tiny!!" And I wanted to say, "I don't think I'm so tiny; I think you're just huge!" But now that I'm a little bit bigger, they all say, "She's getting so BIG!" But I'm not THAT much bigger than I used to be, and they're all still huge... so what's up with that?

I think Mommy's coming back now... and I don't want her to know I figured out how to type because then she'll find my Facebook page! So bye for now! Oh, here's a picture of me in my ducky dress:

Have a good day!! I'm going to go find something to put in my mouth.

Love,
xoxoxo
Madelaine

We are home from Maryland! And we are out of milk!

2008-01-21T13:20:00.000-05:00

And as always when we return from out of town, I am Confused and a bit Discombobulated, thinking possibly and optimistically that More Coffee would improve the situation, but as the title suggests, we are Out of Milk, forcing me to add chocolate cookies-n-cream ice cream (its Title is Cookies-n-Dreamz, by Edy's- or is it Cookies-n-Dreams? Nate is going to check for me, because he's actually feeling energetic- it's Cookies-n-Dreamz) to my coffee, hoping that not too many cookie crumbs will end up in my cup, because there's nothing worse than cookie crumbs in the bottom of your coffee cup.

Yes there is; I take it back. Anchovies in the bottom of your coffee cup would be worse. As would habanero peppers.

The assasination of MLK, Jr. was much, much worse than crumbs.

For lunch, I am having: spinach-and-baby lettuce salad with tomatoes, tuna, mozarella, and caesar garlic dressing. Also, water. No milk. Are you as excited as I am?? Maybe an orange, too. Because yes, I am Just That Healthy.

On today's agenda: a trip to Aldi's and Redner's. And some more coffee.

And for your gratification: a couple of pictures of my child giggling hysterically while playing with Uncle Chris Long:

And here she is, pretty in pink:

Off to... get some more coffee. And attempt to accomplish something.

Love, Neb!

2008-01-13T16:49:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year, devoted fans and colleagues!

Did you know that there are folks in this world who check the Nebiverse EVERY SINGLE DAY for updates?? That means there are patient readers out there who have been clicking EVERY DAY for the past 3 1/2 weeks or so, hoping, wondering... nay, PRAYING: did she WRITE?? has she written anything for us today??

Every day, I have let those poor people down, my friends.

What's the problem? There are numerous problems. 1) I'm lazy. 2) It's easier to read other people's blogs and kill time on Facebook than it is to actually write something here. 3) I have Standards. Sometimes. Kind of. Like, a lot of times I think "I'm not going to write because I don't have anything really GOOD to write about." [As my sister-in-law pointed out, "the child has pooped many times since that last entry!" But you know, it's only funny once.] I hate getting on here and writing drivel (like the post you're reading at the moment.) 4) Did you know sometimes it takes me like 3 hours to write a post? Yeah. I have a five-month-old, people, a five-month-old who needs to be Constantly Entertained while awake.

SPEAKING OF WHICH:

Ah ha ha ha ha!!

My baby!! Is adorable, no? With the chubby kissable cheeks! Above are only a handful of the millions(?) of Adorable Pictures we have taken in the last couple of months. [Another reason I don't blog: it's too hard to pick out pictures of the child! There are so many!] [Nate would tell you that a lot of the pictures Aren't That Great. But they are pictures of The Beautiful Child! How can they be bad?]

Also? I'm reading books and working on this quilt for my sister:

Now that I have Appeased you with a shallow photographic sketch of my life, I'm off to eat chocolate ice cream and watch It's A Wonderful Life with Adrienne.

Love,
Neb

WARNING Contains graphic information. Do not read this while you are eating!!

2007-12-20T16:33:00.000-05:00

Whitehall, PA- A massive diaper leak this morning in the home of an area 4-month-old left thousands in the tri-state area homeless and rescue workers scrambling to clean up the mess, as record-breaking amounts of yellowish-green liquid poop covered an area "close to the size of New Jersey," according to one official.

The disaster, which many are already calling "the worst in recent history," started around 11:42 a.m. after an uneventful morning of typical babyhood activity. The infant in question, one Madelaine Elimae, was nursing on her mother's lap when the mother (identified only by the alias "Neb") reports "suddenly feeling something warm- disturbingly, really warm- on my lap. But I hadn't heard the typical pooping noises so didn't think much of it for a couple of minutes. Then when I looked, I saw it... it was horrible, just horrible."

Neb reports that a lake of raw liquid sewage had formed on her flannal pajama pants [ironically, near the scene of where a couple of chocolate chips had accidently gotten ground in last night], and that specks of poop were visible on the upholstered computer desk chair. When the baby was taken to the changing table for triage assessment, it was determined that amazingly, only 10% of the total fecal matter was actually contained IN the child's diaper- the rest was on her clothing, Neb's clothing, the furniture... and now the changing table cover.

Neb immediately took steps to remedy the situation.

"My first instinct was to call my mom, but I'd left the internet running so that option was out. Then I thought about waking up my husband, but I knew he was tired, so I decided to pull myself together and act like the 'Grown-Up Person'/Mother I really am."

Neb first evacuated the changing table of items like clothes and toys that were in the wake of the disaster, trying to minimize collateral damage. She then removed the baby's diaper and clothing, working layer by layer and using several boxes of baby wipes to remove as much of the gruesome material as possible.

"In every rescue operation of this kind, there's inevitably a crisis once the clothing is off and the diaper is opened: how to get the poop off the baby's BACK without then setting her back down into the puddle of poop formed on the changing table?"

Neb's solution in this particular case was to prop the baby up, clean her back with wipes, and then lay the child naked on the floor while drawing a bath and taking the risk that there would be no further elimination activity for the next couple of minutes. "It's a horrible risk to take," she said, "but it's the only way to make progress in the recovery efforts."

While experts praise Neb's calm, efficient response to the crisis, they also suggest that she is the one responsible for its occurrence in the first place. Says Wipsey McPamper'em, Chief of the National Diaper Leak Management Organization, "It's really the mother's poor diapering skills that are to blame for disasters of this kind. We usually see a much higher level of Diapering Competence in mothers of four-month-olds; this situation is just really an anomaly."

Friends who know the family well state that the father, known to some as "Nate," has much more normal diapering abilities, but that nearly every diaper Neb puts on results in what one neighbor described as "a poop inferno." "She just laughs it off," the unnamed source said. "She uses lots of Oxy-Clean and Shout Advanced Formula Stain Remover, and says that those get all the stains out of the baby's clothing."

But McPamper'em says that employing these kinds of strategies is a poor substitute for addressing the root problem: Maternal Diapering Incompetence, or, the more PC term, "Dysdiaperia." "Clearly the individual in this instance needs a lot of assistance in the form of Diapering Re-education. I mean, come on- she felt something REALLY WARM and didn't even react immediately to try to contain the spread of fluid? Any more experienced mother would recognize that poop can be so liquified that it DOESN'T make any noise coming out- and that in fact, these are some of the most deadly incidents."

Officials say that the soiled articles were collected in numerous grocery bags, awaiting to be sprayed down and laundered, but that the upholstered chair could only be spot-cleaned. Meanwhile, those displaced and left without clothes because of the incident received assistance from the American Red Cross in the form of warm showers/baths and clean clothing. Household Scheduling Management officials estimated that the total time spent cleaning up the disaster was close to a staggering half hour.

As for Neb, she says she's recovering from the incident with "...a lot of humor. Also some decaffeinated coffee with non-alchoholic Vanilla Rum creamer."

Baby Madelaine, just minutes before The Incident.

Note the Cuteness of the Outfit. Note it!!

Nothing a little Chocolate Chip Brownie Crust Cheesecake and Vanilla Spiced Rum* Coffee won't solve!!

2007-12-15T10:29:00.000-05:00

GOOD MORNING!! Nebiverse fans. Does anyone actually still read this blog?? Are you out there? Say hi if you're still there.

1) My child's fingernails! Oh, how they grow. How I try to trim them. How I accidently clip the edge of her finger once in a while, causing her to scream and me to writhe in torments of motherly angst!! [Aside: blogger's spell-checker is telling me that "accidently" is spelled wrong? But it thinks "accident" is correct? accidentlly? No, it doesn't like that either (and neither do I.)] The result: most of the time she has Claws. This means that living with my child is rather like living with a non-declawed kitten, but a kitten who wants to snuggle and cuddle and be held all the time, and drink milk out of sensitive parts of my body. Oh, the claw marks! The scratches! But somehow from my baby, I don't really mind.

2) I am so Busy! With the Christmas Project(s?)!! That I can't tell you about here! Because the intended recipients read this blog!

3) I finished Till We Have Faces. So very, very good. Want to re-read immediately. However, no time! See: Christmas Project(s?) above.

4) I have been Happy for the past 36 hours because I Vacuumed Thursday night. My entire outlook on life changes when I Vacuum. Isn't that disturbing?

5) My husband did not get the job from the nice government organization. :-( But God will provide something! And his wonderful wonderful adviser found Grant Money from the sky to pay him in December for work he's been doing. You know what this means: Santa Claus money!! I didn't realize how much fun it is to play Santa Claus and buy baby toys. :-) Want to see what we got???

Fisher-Price Listen-Up-Rounds Also, Look-a-Rounds; I'll spare you the picture, which is completely similar.
And the Roll-a-Rounds Pull & Spin Caterpillar:

and the plane:

[Aside: why does every toy nowadays have to be marketed with "developmental benefits for baby"? I am not selecting toys for my child based on their ability to "develop motor skills" or "encourage hand-eye coordination" or teach her things like the alphabet and numbers. I select toys based on how much FUN they look like to play with. Is it just me? I mean babies learn things like eye-hand coordination naturally, don't they? Fisher-Price and the other toy companies make it sound like if we don't buy THE RIGHT TOYS our child will be an inert lump of non-functioning flesh at 12 months. I don't believe them!!]

And a Basic Rubber Ball from Walmart. 94 cents, friends!!

And this little piano:
So, I would like to get a storybook or two and maybe a puzzle to add to the loot, but it might or might not happen in time. It's okay though because I have a sneaky suspicion her grandparents just might be doing a little shopping too. And our apartment will only hold so many toys!!

6) My child went to the pediatrician Monday! She is 14 lbs 10 oz, 25.5 inches long, putting her in the 75th percentile for both weight and height for 4 month olds. Not bad for a preemie!! She has almost tripled her birthweight, and, as I suspected, is perfectly height-weight proportional. Also: her head is in the 95th percentile. Clearly she has plenty of room for visions of sugarplums. :-)

We also were told that her right eye appears to be turning outward, and that they would check again at her 6 month checkup and if necessary make an appointment for her with a pediatric opthomologist. Nate had lots of vision problems as a kid, and vision therapy helped him a lot, so I'm glad that if she does have a problem, at least they've caught it early. Still, I'm a little apprehensive about it, not really welcoming the thought of glasses and patching at an early age and the possibility of eye surgery somewhere down the road. But I know God is wanting me to rely on Him and have a good attitude about it, and when I think about these things I always welcome a chance to learn to trust Him a little more.

It's funny because I think if it were someone else's kid's eyes, I would think "Hmm, not such a big deal, is it?" But it's MY baby's eyes. Motherhood changes everything.

Love, Neb

*This is a non-alchoholic beverage. No infants were inebriated through the consumption of this beverage.

Today's Top Ten

2007-12-05T14:02:00.000-05:00

1) I think my child is getting Teeth!
2) This means we will have to have a Talk about Proper Nursing Techniques with Teeth.
3) This talk will be completely one-sided! Because 4-month-olds do not speak or understand English!
4) I take that back; they seem to understand approximately as much English as a dog (ie tone of voice, a few key words)
5) It is Snowing! This makes me Happy. :-)
6) I had two homemade chocolate chip cookies for breakfast. With milk! Now time for Coffee.
7) Today I am planning to make a Wish List for Madelaine for Christmas!
8) I have still not done Laundry! Today's Laundry Alert Level is Red!
9) If I do not get a haircut soon, I will officially have a Mullet. This makes me Concerned!
10) I have used way too many exclamation points in this post. But It's My Blog, and I Can Exclaim If I Want To!

Updating!! (From that title, you know this is going to be dull, don't you??)

2007-12-04T12:14:00.000-05:00

GREETINGS, loyal Nebiverse fans!!

Oh, how I neglect you all. Sorry about that. Life! Life happens, you know!

Here's today's forecast in the Nebiverse:

Breakfast: Irish Cream coffee, [part of] chocolate chip muffin
Child: Happy, burbly, drooly, wearing adorable purple overalls with feet!
Christmas tree: Installed!

Today's Music: The Essential Simon and Garfunkel; anything Christmas-y
Today's Crisis: Laundry! We did not do laundry this weekend! I do not have any more clean nursing bras!! Or nursing pads! The child is almost out of clothes that fit!!
Today's Solution: Improvise! Go to 3-6 months clothing for child; Come Up With Something for myself. [Note to self: NOT a reason to skip exercising/showering routine!! Don't do it!!]
Question for moms of small children out there: what do you do with the baby while you shower? I mean, I could leave her in a Safe Place while I shower and just hope she doesn't cry for 15 minutes... (that includes dressing and undressing time, you know). I usually try to shower when Nate's around to keep an eye on her, but that's not always practical...
On today's agenda: Dust and vacuum! Clean up disastrous bedroom! mop the kitchen floor!
I am loving: Till We Have Faces
Reason I have to go now: Child's status has deteriorated to Fussy
Reason I have one more minute to upload pictures: Child's status upgraded to "Mixed Fussiness with Hints of Happiness" due to installation in ~~Neglect-o-matic~~ swing.

Merry Christmas, world.
Love you,
Neb

This Post is part of an initiative to Post More Frequently. Thank you!

2007-11-26T13:52:00.000-05:00

Oh, we are home; we got home at 1 in the morning, and I am Tired and Discombobulated and needing a Nap (or maybe more coffee.) And a million things to do (unpack, call pediatrician about insurance, etc etc) but so far all I've accomplished is catching up on blog-reading and eating waffles and coffee. And a couple of diaper changes.

My life is SO TERRIBLY EXCITING. I can see you trembling with the exhileration. ;-)

These days, I am loving my Goodreads. It is like Facebook With an Actual Purpose. SO happy. And with birthday monies from Mama and Daddy, I shall buy more books and read them and add them to the list. Joy!

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Hope yours was just as lovely.

I'm 28 now. I'm almost 30. I think in my head I'm still 22.

Love,
Neb

Thanksgiving through the years, Continued

2007-11-23T18:08:00.000-05:00

Okay, baby napping in Nate's sling for the moment. Continuing:

Thanksgiving 2004

An absolutely horrific picture of me in my pajamas! But here we are, one big happy family:

My birthday cake appears in the lower right-hand corner. Are you thinking I'm looking a little large-and-in-charge here? I was; after some Thyroid Failure months and Zoloft-induced-happiness-eating, I was at my heaviest non-pregnant weight at this point (same thing I weighed about a month before Madelaine was born.) Two months later I got a stomach virus and lost 10 lbs (long-term!)

Also, I was working on my second quilt:

Thanksgiving 2005

On THIS birthday, I was the joy of my parents' lives!

Here you see fairly short hair (though not as short as at the moment!) and my graduate school thumb ring.

Also: Chris and Jordana had a BABY! :-)

And, for good measure, here's a picture from Christmas 2005:
Are you appreciating Nate's peach shirt in a sea of shades of red?? I sure am!!

Thanksgiving 2006

On this birthday, I was back to being an angel!!

Here, I have Good Hair AND I've lost 10 lbs due to Graduate School Mania:

This is just a few weeks before I got pregnant with The Chicken!!

And just so you don't think I'm TOO narcissistic with the pictures of myself, here's a great one I found of my brother and sister. Check out the monotone hottness!! And they claim they're not "Emo" (whatever that means.) Heh!
Okay, my husband has informed me that our little Gobbler has pooped, so off to diaper-change land. Thanks for sharing these little gems off my parents' hard drive.

Later! Love,
Neb

My Little Butterball

2007-11-23T15:10:00.000-05:00

Guess what I'm thankful for this year. ;-)

Love,
Neb

Thanksgiving through the years: A Trip Through Memory Lane!

2007-11-22T21:13:00.000-05:00

Hey, happy turkey world.

I'm here at my parents' house, and cruising through their "My Pictures" files I've dug up many scenes of Thanksgivings past- through good hair and bad, odd and wonderful fashion stages... and I'm here to share the goods!

THANKSGIVING 2003

1) My mom thought I was an angel on my BD:

2) I worked REALLY hard to finish this crosstitch project

as a gift for Chris and Jordana, who came over to our house to play;

3) I had good, but long, hair, and OH MY GOODNESS THOSE PANTS FIT ME BACK THEN...???

4) We got A Lot Of Snow!!

*Baby crying; To Be Continued Tomorrow*

Why, Yes! Yes they DO make something for this!

2007-11-16T17:53:00.000-05:00

This has been added to my Amazon.com Wish List. :-)

Just a thought...

2007-11-16T17:20:00.000-05:00

Whoever came up with "Cover edges of pie with aluminum foil to keep from browning?"

Do they actually think this task is achievable by mortal humans with burnable flesh? I mean, how exactly DO you go about getting strips of aluminum foil to wrap tightly enough to stay around the edges of a pie that's been in the oven for 45 minutes?

Any thoughts here, those of you who are actually competent in the kitchen...?

And: do they make a Kitchen Gadget for this? If not, they should.

Neb

I Have Now Solved All My Problems!! (Ha ha)

2007-11-15T23:43:00.000-05:00

Hey, gang. Well, after the mini-organizational-meltdown in my last post, I sat down with a good pen and a pad of paper and made A Plan.

Forming this Plan is basically an acknowledgment of the fact that I've been craving more structure in my life, and that my original attempts to better organize my time and activities as a SAHM had gradually fallen apart.

So here's how it works: borrowing the idea from FlyLady of having a morning "routine," (I prefer the term "checklist," as that makes it clear that this is NOT a schedule), I created sort of an outline of what I spend my time doing, and then made a list of things that need to get done every morning. It goes like this:

1) Make coffee (none of you are surprised that that one's first, are you...?), eat breakfast
2) Read devotions online (I'm doing the Bible-In-A-Year program on crosswalk.com), spend some time in prayer; assuming the baby wakes up during this process, sing some hymns with her and read her a story out of her Bible story book.
3) Change, bathe (if necessary), dress, nurse the baby (interspersed with #2, if necessary)
4) Exercise (I'm trying to go for a walk 3 times a week ("cardiovascular fitness." yeah, right) and lift weights/ do stomach exercises twice a week, with maybe "something fun" on the weekends (like hiking or ice skating.) ("Something fun" in the arena of physical activity is challenging for me, as there isn't much I enjoy. I have always wished that I could swim laps or play tennis or soccer. Maybe in Heaven...?) Anyway, when the weather is really bitterly cold I don't know how I'll handle the walking part- after Christmas I can go to the mall 3 min. away, but before Christmas, forget it!
5) Shower, get dressed in real clothes, brush teeth, etc.
6) Wash dishes/clean countertops/ sweep kitchen; tidy up the living room/bedroom. (I used to try to do this at night, but I finally realized it's really useless to plan to do anything right before bed; when I want to go to bed, I want to go to bed!)
7) Housework task of the day, which is:

Monday- Dust and vacuum (probably not dusting every week...)
Tuesday- Mop the kitchen floor/ clean kitchen more thoroughly
Wednesday- Clean the bathroom
Thursday- Pay bills (or other personal business like scheduling appointments or writing thank-you notes)
Friday- Laundry
Saturday- Groceries

Once I get through the checklist each day, then I'm FREE to do fun stuff (the stuff that I always end up doing anyway without making an effort)- reading (books and blogs), writing, hanging out with friends, phone time, emailing, random web surfing, contemplating (and, very rarely, actually carrying out) various craft projects, attempting to keep up with processing the photographs of our adorable child (over 70 pictures during her third month!! Is that too many...?), VERY vaguely contemplating that I'd like to learn to cook more things/ have an organized recipe book, and very VERY vaguely contemplating Gardening. There may be Dead Plants on my balcony, friends, but there is a Garden in my head. And all of you know it.

So, this is all not JUST about consistently getting things like housework done (although that's part of it), or even feeling more organized and not driving myself crazy (which is a BIG part of it). It's also about looking down the long road of parenting, thinking about what I want to teach Madelaine about using time intentionally and purposely, instead of aimlessly and wastefully. I would love it if she were one of those people who can master the art of getting work done with reasonable degrees of quality and speed and then enjoying play time guilt-free, instead of one of those people (like me) who procrastinate and stress and struggle. And I have a hunch that most kids don't learn the art of good time management out of the blue- that having a parent who can LIVE this way (instead of just preaching it) would make a big difference.

It's awesome how having kids makes you tackle the things in your own life that have always plagued you.

Love, NEB

PS Are you wondering how long it takes me to get through the morning checklist? Well, the baby and I spend about 12 hours in bed every night anyway (waking up to nurse frequently, so the total time has to be quite long for me to feel well-rested); so our days are already short. With interruptions to nurse and change diapers and comfort and entertain the baby, plus the phone ringing and my self-distractions (which I try to minimize), it's usually dark outside by the time I get through the "morning" checklist. But really, so far I've been happy with it, because I know I've accomplished a good amount each day and I can do other things guilt-free.

PPS Can someone ask me in a month if I'm still doing this...? :-)

Overwhelmed by the Unbearable Wonder of Being

2007-11-12T14:20:00.000-05:00

Get dressed, put in contacts, brush teeth
Coffee, breakfast
Change, bathe, dress baby
nurse
Read the Bible online
Surf ChristianityToday.com

get distracted
CBE/CBMW: look up all the references? study?
Topical Bible study?
Prayer life?
Exercise? Go to the mall and walk? Situps? Buy an exercise bike? Used? Craisglist? Freecycle? When we have a job again?

Fold the laundry
Pay bills

Make more coffee

Learn to cook- healthy? Cheap? Tasty? Organize recipes? Learn to plan a grocery list on a budget with a menu in mind? Wash dishes. Clean the kitchen.

Catch up on photos. Find an efficient way to upload to Snapfish and get prints. Photo Christmas cards? Christmas newsletter? e-letters save postage, lack charm. Photo gifts for grandparents? 3-month blog post with pictures.

Reading. CS Lewis. Goodreads.com. Set Reading Goals. Write about what you're reading in blog. Abandoned Perelandra entry; entry about Perelandra entry. Resume? Or just keep moving?

Spend some time with Nate. Without the baby?

Call some friends. Make plans to get together.

Ministry? Resume nursery? Or something a little more gutsy. Outreach? Witnessing?

Crafts. Sewing things for the baby. Christmas quilt?

Celtic Christmas music. Fireplaces. Learn to sing better? Learn the words to more hymns.

Figure out some activities with a 3-month-old.

Resume study of maths? Begin where we always begin again: at the end of the Calculus book.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These, and many more things, are on my mind. These are why I haven't been blogging.

Life overwhelms me with its choices sometimes. And because I cannot engage in 5 activities all at once, at time I become paralysed, doing little or nothing.

I am like a five year old, released in a giant room with 1,000,000 toys. There are so many to play with that I just stand there, unable to choose.

I'm not unhappy; on the contrary, I am joyful and peaceful and thankful for everything that I have. My brain just seems to me fundamentally wired in such a way that I struggle with deciding what to do on a daily basis. And because I cannot seem to make decisions about what is most important- because I cannot prioritize- I often have the sensation of living my life randomly, of filling my time randomly instead of purposefully and intentionally. I give myself an F for time management skills. I crave more structure, an ability to make decisions about time in some capacity beyond Randomness.

Today I feel like the main character in "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time," so overwhelmed by the millions of possibilities of life that I cannot function like a normal person.

I have so many options for what to do that I have nothing to do.

Don't worry. Again, I'm not unhappy. The sensation has come before and it will, no doubt, pass.

Neb

You've MISSED me, haven't you? I know you have!!

2007-10-29T23:08:00.000-04:00

Greetings, internet friends!

Contrary to what you all may have guessed and feared, I did NOT die of The Sickness I suffered a few weeks ago. [If I were going to be really dreadfully honest with you all, I would confess that The Sickness lasted only 48 hours or so, meaning it probably wasn't The Influenza, after all. Why, WHY are all my hopes of melodramatic glory always dashed so...? Sigh...] [What, you think I'm weird? Come on, now, admit it- didn't any of you guys daydream about "swooning from consumption" or some such nonsense when you were a kid? cf Anne Shirley...]

ANYway, since that time I started a couple of entries that I never finished- one about Perelandra, and one about the entry about Perelandra- but in some ways I haven't had that much to write about. These are peaceful, happy days, blissful days of baby adoration and domesticity. I do a lot of little things every day that need to get done, but that aren't really blogworthy- like reorganizing the baby's clothes (again! much to Nate's confusion), finding car insurance for our new car, trying to make sense of all the statements from my insurance company about our hospital bills, etc. I'm reading That Hideous Strength, and trying to figure out how to have more in-depth Bible studies.

And having teased you with that morsel of insight into my life, without further ado, here is what you have REALLY missed... the baby pictures!!

Madelaine is increasingly interested in playing with toys (in the still fairly short stretches of time between eating and sleeping), and Nate is great at playing with her and letting her reach for things.

Okay, lots more to post, but baby is crying so must go to bed with her...

Part II tomorrow maybe?

Love, Neb

Sympathy Glutton

2007-10-13T11:34:00.000-04:00

Good morning, beloved and most blessed of readers!

Here are the things I want to tell you about today.

1) (Dramatic drumroll, please): I AM SICK! I have The Sickness! Thursday afternoon at 3:29 pm I was all "La la la, life as usual" and at 3:30 I was all "Hmmm, I feel a little funny, I will lie down on the sofa with the baby" and by 3:35 I was all like "I have THE FEVER! I am SICK!" and by the time Adrienne came home, I was shivering hard and went into the bathroom and sat on the floor and announced with great theatrics, "I might pass out!" [I didn't, of course. I really did feel like I might, though.]

So, I just have the fever and the body aches, no snifflies or coughs or tummy trouble. To me, sudden onset + fever + body aches can only mean one thing: FLU! I have FLU! However, this point is not universally acknowledged. The past 36 hours in our home have witnessed many conversations like this:

Neb: [With great drama; fishing for sympathy] I HAVE THE INFLUENZAE.
Nate: No you don't! Also, it's influenza, not "influenzae." Influenzae is plural. You would only have "influenzae" if you had multiple stains.
Neb: Oh. Right. I have influenzA.
Nate: No you don't. Influenza is a RESPIRATORY illness. You don't have any respiratory symptoms.
Neb [triumphantly]: But these are EXACTLY the same symptoms I had that one time at Wheaton, when I went to the Health Center and they said YOU HAVE FLU and gave me the anti-flu medicine and I got BETTER quickly.
Nate: Yeah, well once I went to the Health Center at Wheaton and they said "you have 'flu'" and then they gave me Amoxicillian.
Neb: Oh.
Nate:The "anti-flu" medicine they gave you was really just anti-viral, in general.

(later)

Neb: GOOGLE FLU! SEE WHAT IT SAYS!! (Still convinced that SUDDEN ONSET and BODY ACHES are sure, undeniable signs.)
Nate: Hmmm. Well, here on Wikipeida it says that 98% of people with flu [we realized later it was only type A, but still] have a COUGH.
Neb: Oh.

(later again)

Neb: I am PROBABLY DYING.
Nate: Honey, you don't even have a fever.
Neb: I DO TOO have a fever. [The digital thermometer the hospital gave us when M. was born had just shown 98.4] It is NOT MY FAULT that the thermometer is defective!! Also, my mouth is probably not designed right to take a temperature. Or something.
Nate: [Sigh]

(later I took it again and it was 100.8, nothing too impressive, but still, I was somewhat vindicated.)

(later again)
Neb: I want SYMPATHY! You are showing no SYMPATHY!
Nate: I don't understand the concept of "sympathy." When I'm sick I want something to actually make it BETTER, if possible, but not just words like "I'm sorry" that aren't going to do anything.
Neb: Well, maybe you could LEARN to show sympathy. Google "spouse illness sympathy"
Nate: [Sigh] Okay...

(later again)
Nate: [speaking as if in a foreign language] "I'M SO SOR-RY YOU'RE NOT FEEL-ING WELL, HONEY. CAN I GET YOU AN-Y-THING?"
Neb [beaming]: No. But thanks for asking.

Conclusion: I am the World's Worst Sick Person.

2) My husband! Might get a job after all! A nice government organization (that I will not actually link to) has informed him that he has made The First Cut! That means, probably, a nice scientist friend will call him up in a few weeks and say, "Come, be my Science Friend in my lab! Do the scienc-y things with me! And our generous Uncle Sam will pay you lots of money, for the baby! And your wife!" It would be a Real Grown-up Job! With a salary! And vacation! And benefits! And they would even pay MOVING expenses! And it's near my parents! :-) So this is Very Exciting. Thanks to all of you who have been praying for us.

Okay, maybe that is all I want to tell you right now. Because I want to go sit on the balcony and read Perelandra before it gets dark.

Love, Neb

Neb's Exciting Day

2007-10-10T13:51:00.000-04:00

Currently: eating breakfast- blueberry waffles, raspberry syrup, and banana slices (I resisted the urge to add vanilla ice cream. just barely though). And coffee, of course.

On today's agenda:

*Get dressed, put in contacts, try to tame mass of wild exciting hair...
*Bathe(?), Dress baby
*Read my Bible; read Madelaine's Bible story book to her
*Mail the title to our former car, and photocopies of the papers our insurance company lost
*Take out the trash and diaper pail bag (overflowing!! not good!!)
*Wash dishes
*Buy more coffee- we are COMPLETELY OUT (!!!)
*Clean the bathroom? It's been needing it for a long while...
*Finish going through clothes to give to Good Will
*Finish sorting through that box of miscellaneous baby stuff...
*Go to Lehigh with Nate and upload pictures to the internet so they can get printed...?

And of course: nurse the baby. Change the baby. Put the baby in sling. Take the baby out of sling. Etc etc.

So, if I get all of THAT done, I might just get to start Perelandra, having just finished re-reading Out of the Silent Planet. Seriously, how do people have so much time to read?!? One of the bloggers I read said she read 16 books in the month of September- and she works full time and has a four year old (and seems to spend most weekend nights going to clubs.) I guess with all the hundreds of hours I've spent reading blogs in the past year, I could have read more actual books- but then again, blog-reading (and writing!) has its place too. So I'll just do what I can. ;-)

Have a good day, everyone.
Neb!

A request for help (from those of you who are actually literate)

2007-10-05T20:10:00.000-04:00

Greetings, gentle readers.

I would like to read "Until We Have Faces," by C.S. Lewis, which is the retelling of the story of (Fill in the blank with name of some ancient writing.) Problem: I hate to confess this, but... somehow, I never read a whole big heap of the literature written before, say, 1800. Specifically, this whole genre called "mythology" is unfortunately and disturbingly foreign to me. I read Aesop's Fables once. Also, a drama entitled "Antigone," and part of a poem called "Beowulf," which I believe was about some kind of... large creature. I know that Dante wrote a work called "Inferno," and Chaucer wrote "Canterbury Tales." Also, I believe there was a beast called Cyclops that had one eye. Helen's face launched a thousand ships, but I don't know where they were sailing, and there was a big wooden horse full of soldiers. Thus ends my knowledge of literature, pre-1800.

(You think I'm kidding? I'm really not kidding! Oh sure, I've left out the smattering of Shakespeare I read and a few other things, but not much...)

Anyway, here is what I would like: I would like one of you Smart Literary People to recommend to me an Easy way to read enough mythology to understand CS Lewis a bit better...? Like, where should I start?

Preferably such a volume would contain some kind of Notes. (Written on a third-grade level would be best.)

Thanks awfully!

Love, Neb

Just like that stupid over-quoted Mastercard commercial...

2007-10-05T00:17:00.000-04:00

New Coffeemaker: $29

New Haircut: $11

New Car: $5,920

Watching your baby get cuter every day: Priceless. :-)

Hello...? Are these my hands...?

2007-09-27T13:11:00.000-04:00

My child! With the not sleeping. Two nights. The fatigue! The crying! Coffee?

The new layout! Satellite! Is not spelled correctly. Sattelite? Sattellite? The Nebiverse and Her Little ~~Satelite~~ Revolving Celestial Body. Better! Planets graphic under banner? Won't stretch out properly! Blogger is Stupid.

Pediatrician today! Vaccinations! 5 of them. Ouch!
Donuts! Main carbohydrate of the postpartum lactating Nebiverse! SIGNIFICANT LACK OF NUTRITION!! Some have maize, some have cassava, some have rice, some have Wonder Bread. I have Donuts! Also? Coffee.

Child now Dozing on lap. Sleep when baby sleeps! But attempts to transition to sofa result in the waking. The Crying! Give it up. No hope. Sleep again when 45. Remember: not as bad as Real Analysis.
Goals for Someday Postpartum Life: buy a breadmaker and bake tasty homemade breads. Read everything CS Lewis ever wrote. Make a Christmas quilt for Vivian. Catch up putting photos in albums, ordering prints from digital. Grow some plants on the balcony and remember to water them. Write a long blog entry about the places I've lived. Write another letter to Madelaine. Write my Story.
Start over in the statistics book. Study some game theory and economics. Redo real analysis.
Give Shakespeare another chance. Start an exercise program and stick with it. Learn Greek.
Practice playing piano again. Review French and Spanish. Read books about art. Find out what made Jackson Pollack tick. Study Falling Water and look for insight.

Goals for Today's Postpartum Life: Put in my contacts. Brush my teeth. Wear something besides a nightgown. Eat something besides a donut. Be patient with my baby. Cherish every moment. Remember that they go by way too fast. Someday, I will sleep again, through the night, as long as I want, without a baby beside me, to cry, to interrupt, to wake me up.

Someday there won't be a baby beside me anymore.

I love you, Madelaine.

Love, Neb

A little sleepy...

2007-09-26T18:02:00.000-04:00

Greetings, patient readers. Today I am Tired because my baby would not go easily to sleep last night, and appears to only want to nap while nestled in my sling, which is not an optimal napping condition for me. That's okay though; I still want to keep her.

Could any of YOU guys figure out exactly what the tone of the post below was supposed to be...? Ironic? Witty? Tragic? Melodromatic? Heartfelt? It was a touching obituary, no doubt, but it was, after all, for a coffee maker. See, I must be all jaded in my sleep deprivation...

I just found out today that our free internet access from Lehigh ends Oct. 10th. *great weeping and dismay* What shall we do? I hardly thing signing up for DSL is prudent for an unemployed family...

Clearly, my updated design for this site is still in progress. I really find blogger very limiting in what is possible, but am too lazy to figure out how to get what I really want...? Will work on it more later. Now must flee to balcony for sunset/coffee/reading time (child happily resting in sling.)

Love to you all!!

Neb

Remembering Caffeina-Starbuck, 1997-2007

2007-09-24T16:42:00.001-04:00

I remember going to Walmart my senior year of high school, picking you out from the rows of coffee-makers, cheap and expensive- deciding that the $12 one-switch model was good enough for me.

I remember stationing you on top of my mini refrigerator in Fisher, a bastion of comfort from home in a new and unfamiliar and, at times, unfriendly world. That year you probably made more coffee than any coffeemaker should, as I stayed up way too late night after night, talking to friends, talking to Nate, doing Real Analysis and Algebra homework. You were right beside me when I got the news that Rich Mullins died, when I cried from homesickness, when I came home late after getting my first kiss.

I remember storing you during the summers, packing and unpacking you carefully; I remember that fateful night when I took your decanter into the lobby of MacEvans, to share coffee with friends, and the door suddenly opened, cracking it. A replacement decanter, barely fitting, was purchased at the True Value Hardware in downtown Wheaton.

I remember moving with you into the little apartment in Wheaton, hoping you would finish brewing each morning before the train came. You moved with us in the little moving truck down to Atlanta, then in the bigger truck up to Pennsylvania.

You have seen me through every victory and crisis, every late night homework session and caffeine-reduction program, through tutoring, graduate school, pregnancy and childbirth. Time after time you didn't break when I turned on the switch after forgetting to add water, or left you turned on with your pot empty.

And now, your reservoir has cracked, so that water leaks out the bottom, rendering you unusable, so I've had to purchase a new sleek black-and-fake-chrome Black-and-Decker model for my brewing needs. But our ten years of life together- ten very significant years of my life- will never be forgotten.

:-) Love, Neb

Because really, you just come here for baby pictures, not text, right?

2007-09-16T23:11:00.000-04:00

A Big Girl dress for church today...

What are YOU looking at...?

I wear my baby in a homemade sling... because I'm a cheapskate...

40 Weeks: In Which We Achieve Completion!!

2007-09-03T22:56:00.000-04:00

Today is my due date. :-)

If I were still pregnant, how big would I be by now? Maybe this is some indication:

Overall I think I'm pretty happy to have missed the last few weeks of pregnancy.

This should be a longer post, but it is now 10:57 pm and I have NO MILK PUMPED for tonight. (Bad! Very, very bad!) So here's the quick version: Saturday I had a lovely baby shower hosted by friends from my church, and Sunday we had Madelaine's dedication. To celebrate with us, Bethany and Eric made the long trip from Illinois, graciously picking up my brother Chris on the way, and my family (including Vivian!) came as well. Nate's family were also all at the dedication of course, and we all had a nice lunch afterwards here.

How about some pictures?

(This is Auntie Bizun reading The Sleep Book by Dr. Seuss.)

I weighed 153.8 this morning.

Goodbye, pregnancy! It was usually fun. And cool, even when it wasn't.

Love, Neb

39 Weeks: "Let's Catch Up to Reality, Why Don't We?" Edition

2007-09-03T12:14:00.000-04:00

Yeah. 'Nuff said.