I remembered what it was...

My Happy Thought from the middle of the night:

Sometimes I go through phases when I have trouble making decisions, even little decisions on a day-to-day basis. One of my imaginary friends (what? don't all of YOU have imaginary friends...?) is named the Rational Narrator, and she helps me make good choices when I'm having trouble. She guides me through the day-to-day processes of sleeping and eating and resting and getting work done. It's almost as if I need someone else to give me permission to make good choices, or, like I don't want to be responsible for making my own choices- I want to give the steering wheel to someone else.

And I realized, that is what the Holy Spirit is meant to be doing in my life. He wants to be in charge and He wants to make the good choices for me, if I will only let Him. So that is the first part of my Happy Thought.

The second part is that- sometimes I lament the fact that everyone I talk to doesn't have the complete picture, or can only understand certain aspects but not others of what I'm talking about. When I talk to my pastor or my Christian friends about problems dealing with stress, they understand good spiritual principles but not much else. When I talk to my doctor about stress, he understands physiology but not much else. When I talk to counseling type people about stress, they understand... well, not a whole lot. Arguably they understand something called "psychology," which isn't really much of anything, but since they're used to talking to people about stress, they are sort of an "expert," sort of. When I talk to my math grad student friends about stress, they get the part about how math makes you crazy, but not much else. When I talk to my friends who like to Write, they understand the writing part but not much else.

No one sees how it all fits together. And of course, no one understands the things that I don't tell anybody about at all.

But He understands. He designed all of the biochemistry and emotions and spirituality and Mathematics and Writing and He knows every single thought and feeling inside and out. He knows what's best, and all of the searching I do for the right person to talk to ultimately has to end with Him.

Love, Neb