Heartburn: What We Have Learned in the Past Eight Hours

Preface: None of the following information is in violation of the Complaint-Free Third Trimester Initiative. All information below is for educational purposes only and NOT to be interpreted as any expression of discontent or unhappiness on the part of the author. [I love the third trimester!! Really I do!! I love it how I have this urge to spend hours a day cleaning and organizing and Shopping for things and then afterwards how MY WHOLE BODY aches when I move! I love it how my spine cracks when I get out of bed! I love it how I have to groan all the time when I do things like get off the sofa! I love it that my hands and feet ache from being swollen! And that my rings won't come off! And that *TMI ALERT* I might possibly be experiencing some slight problems with INCONTINENCE! (Because nothing screams "I am a Cool Young Person!" like incontinence!!)]

Ahem. Where was I? Back to the educational information about heartburn.

1) If you read in your pregnancy books early in the semester (yes, pregnancy has semesters now... I will never quit being a student...) that you might experience Heartburn at some point and that you should stock up on antacids now so you don't have to run out in the middle of the night, DO NOT LAUGH and say, "Oh, that will never happen to me, I never have problems with heartburn." Because later you will totally have to run out in the middle of the night (or send your sweet, sweet volunteering husband. And, yes, he just scored major Pregnancy Emotional Support Points for doing that, by the way. ;-))

2) If the bottle of generic Tums says, "Take 2-4 tablets," just go right ahead and take 4. (Or 8, or 12...) All the flavors are O.K. And it will help somewhat.

3) Drinking Water, which is normally Good For What Ails You, does NOT help heartburn. (Nate says milk, my favorite beverage, won't help either, although I didn't try it.)

4) There are no "home remedies" for heartburn on the internet that sound remotely feasible/realistic. Instructing your husband to search for such things in a last-ditch effort to avoid the middle of the night trip is futile.

5) When your husband brings home both the Generic Tums and the Generic Pepto-Bismol (per your request), it will not be possible to locate on the internet the following information: "Is it considered Safe for pregnant women to take both products at the same time?" The best strategy is just to Do It And See What Happens.

6) Take Pepto-Bismol the next morning before drinking coffee or eating.

7) Analyze your diet carefully in an attempt to prevent future episodes. The facts:
Dinner Friday night: A small serving of the beef and vegetables Nate made, followed by 4 Krispy Kreme donuts and some ice cream. Aftermath: Sweet digestional bliss throughout the night.
Dinner Saturday night: A moderate serving of "Spaghetti" consisting of: ground beef; whole-wheat noodles; spaghetti sauce; mozarella cheese; fresh onion, green pepper, and tomato; oregano and basil. Aftermath: No problems until approximately 4:30 am, when Digestional Armageddon broke out.

Analysis and Conclusions: Krispy Kreme is definitely the way to go. The dinner of the future.

Love, Neb