Hello, Nebiverse fans! I could really use some more coffee, but, being a Good Breastfeeding Mom, maybe I can deny the urge a little longer!
(*Goes to microwave 1/2 a cup*)
(There's none made, although that's impossible to tell until you start pouring, because the pot is opaque, not having been washed since Peter came to visit us, which was probably something like 2 1/2 years ago. It's all about the Pure Essences, my friends!)
Alright, first things first: to those of you wondering why I'm still entitling my blog posts with weeks of pregnancy, well... I am NOT having big psychological issues from having had the baby 3 1/2 weeks early; I just feel the urge to complete my pregnancy journaling. (...?) This time between now and her due date seems like a little bit of an in-between stage; I'm still getting emails from Babycenter with titles like "what to pack for the hospital" and "how to recognize the early signs of labor"; my pregnancy ticker is still ticking; my weight "gain" chart isn't completed; etc. Just humor me. And yes, today I am thirty EIGHT weeks, not thirty seven. I'm catching up!
And now, for your reading entertainment: A Birth Interview!
NEB: "Thanks for being with us today, Neb!"
Me: "My pleasure!"
NEB: "And I must say, that post-pregnancy body is looking pretty Hott!"
Me: [blushing] "Thanks..."
NEB: "So in your last post, you told us in great detail about your birth story. Today maybe you could provide some commentary/ analysis of your experiences."
Me: "Why, sure! Anything for the pleasure of our reading audience..."
NEB: "So, overall, how do you feel about your labor and birth experience? Was it easier or harder than you expected? Surprising or predictable?"
Me: "Looking at the whole thing, I have to say that labor, birth, recovery, and adjusting to being a mom have been a lot easier in many ways than I anticipated. My labor was certainly shorter than I thought it would be, and started much more suddenly; it sort of seemed like it was all over by the time I really knew what was going on. The contractions before the epidural were hard for me to deal with, but I managed, and then after the epidural, labor was a piece of cake. Healing from all those stitches has been way, WAY easier than I thought it would be- other than *TMI ALERT* a Very, Very Bad Hour on Saturday morning when I pooped for the first time after giving birth *END TMI ALERT*, the discomfort from that has been barely noticeable- not like the horror stories I've read on the internet. Sleep deprivation has been hard- but I'm discovering tricks to get more sleep, like how to nap with the baby- and nursing has been painful, but when I do a better job taking care of my breasts (lanolin, nursing/pumping more frequently) it gets better. So all in all, things have really not been too hard- not nearly as much as I expected."
NEB: "Are you happy with the choices you made for giving birth? What, if anything, would you do differently next time?"
Me: "Overall I'm very happy with the choices I made. In terms of doing things differently next time- I guess if I had known that labor was really going to pick up so quickly, I would have asked Nate to stay with me at the hospital instead of dropping me off; but it still worked out fine- he just missed the first bit of labor, not her birth or anything like that. Next time I might be a little more insistent about getting drugs earlier; although I don't know that I would want Stadol again, and epidurals can't always be obtained earlier (one has to wait for the anesthesiologist.) I think it's quite possible that I wouldn't have torn so severely if I hadn't had the epidural, because I would have been pushing more gradually. But then again, many women still tear badly WITHOUT an epidural, and I sure wouldn't have wanted to get all those stitches without being numb, so I don't at all regret that decision."
NEB: "On websites like Babycenter, there are a lot of debates among women about choices in childbirth- what's your perspective on those, now that you've had a baby yourself?"
Me: "You know, when I was in labor the one thing I kept thinking about over and over again was that women have gone through this for centuries- and in many places in the world today- *without* many choices, without many options. In the US today, most (?) women [except probably the poorest women, or women who live in the middle of nowhere] have the option of a hospital birth or a birth center or a homebirth, an OB or a midwife, pain medication or not, and just about any comfort measure you can think of (whirlpool, birthing ball, etc etc). Not only that, but after giving birth, most women have access to tylenol (or stronger drugs), maxi pads, cold packs, hot packs, Tucks pads, comfortable pillows, air conditioning (or heat, as the case may be), Lanolin, nursing pads... running water... indoor plumbing...
So while I really can understand why women in this country would choose homebirth, or birth centers, or medication-free births, or less-medicalized births of various kinds- (I understand meaning it makes sense to me that many women are happy choosing these things, even though they are not what I would choose)- what I DON'T understand is the amount of (what seems to me like) bickering and complaining that sometimes goes on when women discuss giving birth. To me, the fact that debates are even possible, that there are choices to be made about giving birth, should make us all spend a little more time giving thanks that we have these choices and options and a little less time debating what's the "best" way to give birth.
Having said that, I should be quick to point out that I realize lots of women have bad experiences in childbirth, sometimes for reasons that can't be prevented, but sometimes by the fault of incompetent or uncooperative attendants. While I had a great hospital birth, many women don't; the fact that I had such wonderful doctors and nurses and care makes me all the more grateful. I just think too many women are too quick to say, "I had a bad experience with X, therefore X is bad for everyone" instead of realizing that a lot of elements of childbirth are a matter of luck (or, rather, the sovereignty of God.)"
NEB: "Any other thoughts you'd like to share with us about anything?"
Me: "Sure. Mind if I number them?"
NEB: "Go right ahead! [What a great way to organize your thoughts!]"
Me: "Thanks!
1) I personally know at least ten women who have had babies in the past few years, and in talking to each of them about their pregnancies and births, the thing that really intrigues me is that, even though the end result is the same for everyone (a baby comes out!), there is so much variation in individual experiences. Different parts of the pregnancy/labor/birth story are hard (or easy) for different women. For example, I remember talking to one of my friends a few months ago who told me that she could cope with the pain of unmedicated childbirth because, no matter how intense, it only lasts a few (several?) hours, but she had a much harder time dealing with the healing process afterwards because it took so long. I found out that I'm the exact opposite- I couldn't deal with the intensity of labor pain, no matter how brief, but am much more okay with the long-term but milder discomfort of healing (and breastfeeding!) Some of my friends have loved IV pain relief and some have found it not too helpful; some have had great experiences with being induced, and some have hated it. Again, it all just goes to show (in my opinion) that we should be thankful we have CHOICES and recognize that we aren't all meant to choose the same things...
2) Newborns are easier to take care of than I thought they would be. Before Madelaine was born, when I thought about taking care of a baby, I imagined both positives and negatives- along with snuggling and cuteness and little hands and feet, I had visions of her crying endlessly with us unable to figure out what she wants, and poopy diapers leaking everywhere, and projectile vomit covering things, and aching arms from carrying her around. The reality is that she's really very good at communicating what she needs- she sticks out her tongue/ chews her hands when she's hungry, and only really fusses when she has gas or wants to be held, so we really aren't having long unexplained crying fits (yet!) Newborn poopy diapers don't smell much, are easy to clean up, and, thanks to Pampers Rocket Science Technology, hardly ever leak! Projectile vomiting has happened a few times, but since her stomach is small the volume still isn't THAT bad... and since she's lightweight, it's not so hard to hold her and carry her around yet. In other words, the crying/pooping/vomiting/heaviness factors start out small and increase gradually, giving us time to adjust. Pretty neat, huh?
3) For several days after Madelaine was born, I had a frustrating sense of disorientation, brought about by a number of things- first the narcotics during labor, then the serious sleep deprivation I went through in the hospital, and then all the things happening at once- visitors, adjusting to taking care of a baby 24/7, doing the things (like shopping) we hadn't completed yet because she was early, etc. After awhile, I thought about why I felt so overwhelmed and realized that part of it was due to information overload, of a type that a lot of women around the world probably don't have. If you have your baby in a hut in Africa or South America or something, you probably have (for better or worse) a few local women giving you all your information about pregnancy, labor, birth, and baby care. When you give birth in modern America, you have not only family members and friends, and your actual doctor, but a host of books and handouts from the hospital and the vast wealth of the internet. It's overwhelming!! For example, in the first few days of nursing, when Madelaine and I were figuring out how everything works and trying to solve problems as they came up, I tried reading the different books and resources I had, as well as listening to all the different nurses and people at the hospital, about how often to nurse, and how long, and which side, and what to do before and after, and what to do about sore nipples and latch problems and positioning and sleepy babies and pumping and storing and thawing, etc etc... And every information source was a little different. After we were home for a couple of days and it was clear that she was eating and pooping enough, I decided to just STOP- stop reading, thinking about it, timing everything, tracking everything (they wanted us to count her dirty diapers for the first week!!) and just Do What Works. It's much simpler that way! And, I think indicative of the big picture of how we look at parenting; I'm not really interested in what different "experts" and gurus have to say about things, at least not yet. We feed her when she's hungry, change her diaper every few hours, talk to her, sing to her, hold her all the time because she likes that, and pick her pacifier up off the floor and stick it back in her mouth. Yeah, no germ-consciousness here. (We didn't wash her clothes before she wore them, and didn't sterilize the pump before use. Hardcore!!)
4) When I took Real Analysis last fall, I used to think "this is the hardest thing I've ever done... but when I have a baby, maybe that will change." Well, maybe it's silly to compare apples and oranges, but a few days after she was born I realized- No, Real Analysis still stands as the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And if I could go back in time and give myself a big hug during that semester, I would. [A few times in the past 3 weeks when the sleep deprivation has been at its worst, my sentiments about this have wavered- but on the whole I'm still persuaded of its truth.]
5) You know how most people think they have The World's Most Beautiful Baby? The moment she was born, I realized with a shock: we had actually done it. We had ACTUALLY given birth to the most beautiful baby in the world!! She's just perfect. God made her perfect; perfect for us. I said to my mom, "I know I'm prejudiced, but don't you think, objectively speaking, that she's absolutely gorgeous?" and my mom said (completely seriously, with a straight face), "Of course. It is obvious to the most objective observer that you have given birth to the most beautiful child in the world."
And during our first week together, I woke up one morning, came out of the fog I was in and looked at her in my arms and realized: out of all the things in this world that I have done or will do or could do, I really can't imagine anything that would compare- anything that would beat this.
Love,
Neb
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