I guess that should be "afterward?" But I'm a math major, you know, so aftermath is what came to mind. [Why isn't it "afterword," since, you know, it's AFTER all the other WORDS?] But I digress.
Onward!
Where was I? Oh yes, I had just extruded an infant from my loins.
Charlotte didn't cry right away, she just looked at me with big beautiful eyes. I think I told her about 10 times, I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE OUT... and I think we started nursing fairly soon. Unlike Maddy, who didn't latch well the entire time we were in the hospital, Charlotte figured out nursing right away, which was awesome. (I think it helped that I have more experience, and after two straight years of nursing Madelaine, my, uh... physiology is more nursing-ready.) Anyway, I ended up with a second degree tear, but even though I could feel the doctor touching me, I was quite comfortable during repair (and have had an easy healing process, so really can't complain.) I do think, though, that next time I'll opt for the Regular Full-Force Make Me Totally Numb Please epidural instead of the patient controlled thing, because the whole point of letting it wear off "a little bit" (ha!) so that I could try a vertical position so that I could avoid tearing didn't work so well, did it? I mean, true, I didn't tear quite as badly, but I'm not sure that the significant discomfort during labor was worth the difference... (plus, with the Regular epidural I had with Maddy, I didn't have any itching or nausea- but don't know if that's a regular vs. patient-controlled thing, or if it was just a slightly different drug used...)
So! I will tell you the funny/ odd/ disturbing things about my hospital stay now:
*Chapter 1: Ice Diapers!*
So most hospitals are kind enough to provide you with these great ice packs that you twist to break open (there is Magic/ Science inside! no idea how it works, don't care) and then they work like a cold maxi pad? Yeah. These have been around for quite a while. Well, Mt. Nittany JUST DISCOVERED these and obtained some the week before Charlotte was born. (Thankful it was the week before, and not the week after!) But a lot of the nurses still didn't know they had these available, so they kept offering me the product they'd been using: get this- are you ready? An ICE DIAPER. Yes, my friends, they will pack ice in the lower levels of a PAMPER and give you that to soothe any parts of you that may be sore after childbirth.* Now really, I shouldn't be complaining about this, I should be grateful that I live in a place where things like ice and sanitary disposable products are available! I mean I still think of all the women giving birth in the middle of nowhere without ACCESS to the wonderful, wonderful ice of any kind. But still, I just think it's a bit absurd that they make their own ICE DIAPERS when there's, you know, an actual product out there on the market designed specifically for the need... I mean, really...? If you ask for dental floss, do they give you string? If you ask for Kleenex, do they give you toilet paper? Just wondering.
So at one point, after confirming that they DID indeed now have these wonderful twisty-cold pad things, I went down the hall to the nurse's station to ask for a few more. The nurse who had given the last one to me warned me, "Not all the nurses know we have these yet..." so I was prepared. But it was still hard to stand up to... (duh duh DUUHHHH...)
NURSE FROWNY-FACE!
Yeah. This nurse was just one of those people that looks like they were BORN frowning... like that's their default facial expression, you know? I asked her for the twisty ice pack things. She stated with complete confidence, "We don't have anything like that." [and then I think offered to get me an Ice Diaper.] I was like, "Um...? You do? Because I HAVE BEEN USING THEM." Flustered, she asked other nurse, who said, "Yes we have those, but they do not work as well as the ICE DIAPERS." [I may have possibly snorted through my nose at this point, but you would be proud of me, I only said mildly, "I prefer these pads to the ice diapers..."] So after locating the stash, Nurse Frowny-Face proceeded to unwrap the pad for me, despite my protests that I could do it myself, and then sort of slam it into the counter to break open the magic icy stuff inside, despite my quiet protests that it was meant to be TWISTED. But at least I had my twisty ice pad!!
By the way? They make hot pads too, which are fantastic also (they're meant to be used after the first 12 hours.) Sadly, Mt. Nittany had not yet discovered these. I asked them what they did for a heat treatment, and they mentioned the infamous SITZ BATH. I have never been a fan of the sitz bath... but I'll spare you the details of that.
Okay there's more, but it's late, so...
*TO BE CONTINUED*
*Don't you appreciate the delicacy of my terminology? I try so hard for you...!
