My NEW name (has a silent "B")

Just in case there was ANY DOUBT WHATSOEVER remaining that our federal beauracracy is not so swift:

1) This morning I called the national SSA office to ask about changing my name. After successfully navigating the automated menu and a pleasant few minutes on hold, I reached A! Real! Person!!! (Because I have Mad Skillz like that.) "Does it make any difference that I've waited five years after marriage to change my name?" I ask. Nice lady on the other end: "I don't think it will be a problem." "Next question- my name is currently (first) Nancy (middle) Elizabeth (last) Bush but because I go by Nancy Elizabeth, I'd like to make my first name Nancy Elizabeth, middle name Bush, last name Wentzel. Is that possible without going through a big hassle?" Nice lady: "Oh, I really have no idea about that. You'd have to ask the local social security office."

Um... yeah. See, I TRIED to research this online ahead of time, but did not find any guidelines about federal laws for names on the ssa website or anywhere else, for that matter. I have heard that courts do not allow people's official legal names to contain numbers or symbols or anything, which I can understand, but I was unable to find any guidelines about anything else- like, what about hyphenating your last name? If you're willing to go to court and pay some amount of money I'm pretty sure you can change your name to anything you like (except as noted above) , and I think that's what couples do who want to change both of their last names to something else entirely when they get married. But why doesn't the SSA website explain the changes we can make for free, based on marriage? ie We all know we can take our spouse's last name as our new last name, but what about other options (like what I wanted to do?) If they explained it on their website they would save a lot of time answering phone calls!

And why is it left up to the LOCAL office, anyway? SSA is a national program. It should have national guidelines.

2) Documentation in hand, I headed off to our local SSA office in Allentown. Before going I rather idealistically pictured a small bureaucratic office where a couple of people drop by every day to change their names after getting married. I kind of forgot about one of the marvels of our modern society: a little phenomenon known as SSI. Lots of people in Allentown are on SSI- and they come to this office to, I don't know, I guess STAY on SSI. And apparently the paper pushing that must take place to stay on SSI takes rather a LONG TIME. Anyway I was handed ticket number 135 and kind of freaked out when I heard number 48 called, but it turned out there were 4 different numbering tracks- still it took about an hour and a half for my number to be called. You can imagine my concern when the Very Nice and Competent Lady up front said "we need an ID document with your new name on it."
Me: "But I thought nothing else would let me change my name until I got my new social security card!!"
VNaCL: "It's because [your marriage document] is five years old. It has to be recent."
Me: "Yeah, I saw something about "recent" on the website. But it didn't DEFINE 'recent.'"
VNaCL: "Yeah, they aren't specific about it so I asked. 'Recent' means two years."
Me: "It would be nice if the website actually said that! Also, the lady I talked to this morning said she thought it wouldn't be a problem!"
VNaCL: "I tell you what, I'll go ahead and put it through for you. Let's keep our voices down so no one will hear."
Me: "Okay....."
VNaCL: "Oh, I see that you want to make Nancy Elizabeth your first name. Unfortunately, we can't do that. I can legally change your middle name but I can't change your first name or your last name (except to make it the last name of your spouse.)"
Me: "Okay... that seems a little odd..."
VNaCL: "Yeah, it's pretty weird. I can make 'Elizabeth Bush' your middle name if you want."
Me: "Okay, that will work."

So now I am Nancy Elizabeth Bush Wentzel. When asked to write my name for day-to-day purposes I will write Nancy Elizabeth Wentzel (when I remember) and I guess my checks will say Nancy Elizabeth B. Wentzel...?

Now I just have to change my DL and checking account and two savings accounts and 6 credit cards and my school records and car registration and... hmmm...